Now I'd like to talk about how I understood I am a lesbian.
Since elementary school I felt "different" from other girls. I felt the same during my whole teenhood. But since a person isn't an island and people make pressure on you about your love life, you have say and do something about it.
I said "I like this boy" just to make people shut up for a little while. But, in my deepest core, I knew it wasn't true. In fact, I have never done anything to win someone over. I was still too young to be interested in relationships and I was totally ignorant (in the real meaning of the word) about homosexuality. So, I made the mistake to assume I was straight.
I had my first straight kiss at 16, a little bit later than the average. My female classmates had already had crushes, boyfriends etc... While I cared only about school.
My interactions with the opposite sex lasted for 1 or 2 dates, because there was no interest from both the parts. I didn't want a relationship and I was still a virgin. I lost my virginity to a guy at 23 and I remember I wasn't satisfied at all.
But, at least, I could say I was no longer a virgin. I know it's a childish idea, especially at 23. But I was a little bit ashamed about my times.
Anyway, my doubts remained with me, because I had never had a relationship which could be defined as such. I knew dating a guy twice was something, but having a real relationship with him was another thing. So, in 2010, I started dating a guy who became my first boyfriend.
Meanwhile I was attracted to other girls and suppressed my feelings. I couldn't talk to anyone about that, because I heard homosexuality was wrong.
But I need to talk about it and tried to talk to him. I tried also to leave him many times, but he said they were just doubts and didn't want to leave me for something unsure.
Long story short we lived together for a while and during our cohabitation I realized I wasn't happy at all. We kept arguing for anything and I desperately wanted to date a girl.
Fortunately I have never wanted to get married and no kids arrived. And, least but not last, the flat and the forniture weren't ours.
In 2015, we finally split and it was a liberation for me. Since then, I'm in my journey of acceptance and I'd like to stay single for a while. I understood what I want, but my guts tell me to wait for better days.
I came out just to 2 friends. One of them got there was something going on. Whe I came out he was happy I trusted him and was very understanding to me. He approved my "don't-talk-now-policy". We're still in touch.
As for the other friend, I came out to him almost immediately.
My family still doesn't know anything and my instinct tells me to wait.
So, that's how I got to my current path.
I'm still learning lot about sexuality and I keep "studying".
In any case, I won't exchange my happiness for anything in this world. And if that means staying single for the rest of my life, I'll accept it.