I detest the expression, "I guess we'll have to agree to disagree." I find it smug. Not sure why. Any help?
There is no guessing in the comment. To me it is someone trying for the last word by telling you what you have to do. I liken it to a handshake where one shaker turns the hand over so their hand is on top & yours is underneath looking up.
I could not think at first why it could be thought "smug", but yes it can be, because it can be a way of saying. "This issue may seem important to you, but I have more important things to do than continue our conversation." Not perhaps every time, but certainly sometimes.
When this is said to me I usually come back with, "no, you are wrong & at some point when your pride & ignorance get out the way, you'll see I'm right."
I usually don't let inconsequential disagreements get to that point but I tend to be pretty stubborn on issues of morality& ethics.
Sometimes when someone is really entrenched in their beliefs - think politics? It remains one of the most civil things you can say.
I had a good friend who voted in a way I was really surprised by and I we both used this for a year.
It is a conversation ender - it's recognized by most people - so it is a little rude - but every time I've used it - I found it preserved the friendship. And up until that point? No other statement changed the other person's mind or helped them to back off the topic.
So realize some people use it to keep you as a friend. (Some are just shushing you.).
Because it's basically saying " no matter the evidence, I will stick to my biased views until death".
Time to clarify. I have no problem with being and remaining in disagreement. I’m fine with expressions like, “We’re not going to reach agreement on this one.“ For some reason, “agree to disagree” strikes me as condescending. Maybe I just need to get over it.
it is just an acceptance that, at this time, there is no common ground.
I don't find it smug.. but I guess we'll have to agree to disagree.
But really, I only ever see it used when the discussion has gone round n round in circles and going nowhere. Whether the person is right or wrong, it's a common saying to break the cycle.
stupid remark ..doesn't even make sense..I think it is a cop out to get out of further discussion...better to be honest and just say that there will never be an agreement so let's just stop the discussion before I kill your fucking ass...
There comes a point in time when further discussion will lead nowhere, so you can either engage them in a pugalistic contest or realize that the whole of your life shaped your opinions while the whole of thier life shaped theirs, and you will not agree. Ever.
As to why you think it's condescending I'd guess your ego is bruised a bit and you don't like it at all.
Just my opinion, feel free to disagree.
I agree. But then you have to ask why it feels smug. You’ve just given your best arguments and the person 1. Refuses to see your point of view or 2. Brushes of your opinion as being unimportant. I always lose a little respect for the person that says that to me. Especially when speaking of the present administration.