I tried dating, online and offline.
I consider myself to be pretty flexible about most things.

The last few guys I dated wanted a woman who would be a housekeeper, and a cook.
Blowjobs were expected and reciprocal sex was next to impossible for them, even with pharmaceutical assistance.
They were needy and whiny.
If I expressed ANY desire for things to be more equitable, I was automatically a "controlling bitch".

I stopped looking, and I don't regret it.
I don't need the agita.
Vibrators are far more reliable and they don't make demands.
Being alone is not a bad thing.
I prefer my own company.

Any man who expects a woman to sign on for a lifetime of being a free housekeeper, cook, maid, and laundress had better have something of value to trade for all of that labor
It costs me $300 a month for housecleaning, eating out is about $1,000 per month, and getting someone to shop, do laundry, and keep things organized is about $25 an hour.
Your friend isn't looking for a partner. He's just too cheap to hire help.
With the attitude that women are a source of free labor, he's going to be single for a long, long time.

What a thoughtful and insightful post...

I have always heard the negative from people wanting to find a new partner later in life...they all come with baggage, set in their ways, too many bad habits, etc. etc.

All of that might be true, but as you say, it is outlook and what you are willing to learn about each other and compromise on that can make the difference.

Some of the things that would have bugged you in your youth might not be a big deal anymore...I am not saying you have to settle...you might have to re-examine your priorities and decide what is more important to you...companionship might be further up the chain than having someone clean your house...doing things together might be further up the chain than being in shape...

Nice post...hope your friend listens...

I agree with this and disagree at the same time.
I think many times having a relationship check list leads to overlooking a person you might have a real connection with. That being said I have often found that having little to no requirements has lead to a lot of time being invested in a connection that is not really there, or even worse investing time in a complete asshole.

I would not want to be with someone who expected me to do all the housekeeping and I am guessing meal prep and washing his laundry as well.
Maybe he should hire someone to clean.

Exactly why some of us don't bother to look. I'm ok alone. The ones that want slender and athetic while having a paunch are a bit comical and there are many of them. I would be happy with just a genuinely nice guy.....but after seven years, I'm good.

I’m a difficult match, and I know it. It’s doubtful I’ll ever live with anyone again.

First and foremost, I have a 2&1/2 year old dog who is like a baby to me, and like a baby, her needs(food, going out to potty, etc) come first. I had one online potential date express jealousy of my dog...bye, Felipe!
I also have several chronic illnesses that affect my activity level, energy, and at times, dependability. I might have to cancel, cut short, or pace my activities. I’m not looking for a caregiver, but basic understanding and acceptance are needed. I know that most of the time, i ‘don't look sick’(by the time I do, it’s hospital time); being treated as if I’m just after sympathy or drama is unacceptable. I always fake being WELL...til I can’t.
Even with the physical limitations, I love sex(just have to pace myself and get creative with positions) and also travel, when I’m well enough. I understand that age brings challenges to both sexes and I can work with them, as long as there’s reciprocation.
I’m an introvert, I need a good bit of time and space for myself. Some folks take that personally, but it’s not about others at all. I need it to recharge.

Smoking, if it’s not heavy and not done indoors, I might can deal with it. I don’t mind 420, but I cannot indulge. I rarely drink either. I just throw it back up. I have never done drugs, not comfortable with that.

I’m relatively poor too, but I don’t want, or expect, financial help from anybody. I’m very independent, but I’m sure my financial status puts folks off. Oh well, boohoo. I’ve had to start over with nothing several times in my life; I’ve got most of it left.
Yeah, I’m cynical and sarcastic, so I need folks who aren’t too literal.

I have no intention of being anybody’s Dreamhouse Barbie: give blowjobs, fetch beers & sammitches, vacuum the mancave, do the laundry.
Share the work, everybody contribute in some way: equality...or no deal!

Just curious what he thinks he has to offer this little bit of the creme de la creme?

Kudos! You have just detailed what I call the "unrealistic expectation" component of online dating. If we are all honest with ourselves and think back to how/what we were like back in our early dating years (20 somethings?) we would admit that we didn't have ANY filters. Is she pretty? Is he a good dancer? Does he have his own car? Does she make me laugh? When did it become necessary to go from 1 to 100 in 3.2 seconds? We used to have friends....who sometimes turned out to be friends with benefits....or spouses. Our lives are sooooo important now that we have to skip the middle parts of every potential relationship? pffffftttttttt

Chemistry, it's there or it ain't. If someone meets all of the requirements on a person's list and there is no chemistry, it won't matter. If there is chemistry most of us will over look things missing from the list. Most flks list sound like they are looking for a twin of a different gender. I met someone once whom l thought was very much like me and l really didn't like her all that much. I like me fine for the most part, but l am with me 24 hours a day. I want someone different. Someone who might introduce me to something new. That's just me.

I always liked columnist Dan Savage's take on this: "the one" doesn't exist; there's just a 0.67 whom you round up to "the one." He talks a lot about the price of admission in a relationship, i.e., what preferences one is willing to give a little on because the relationship itself is more important and desirable than, for example, whether she can cook authentic Italian cuisine, etc. I think there's wisdom in that.

I'll never compromise on the smoking option. None for me !

My wife and I ditched our "absolute must have" checklists and couldn't be happier we found each other. Turns out what we thought we wanted was just getting in the way of what we actually do want.

You have made some good points here but I believe those will apply to a very few , but not to the new and future generations. There are a few things to consider here:

1. The other side of online dating you mentioned is that it a very large pool so the the tiny percentage you mentioned can translate into enough numbers. It is a growing trend
2. Your story is unique but I personally prefer not to get into situations and adjustments like that. I believe many or most people would not
3. High school sweet heart love and marriage with staying in the same town will be outdated, education will grow with the information age, people will relocate to places of choice with ability of remote working amid payrolls collapse
4. Traditional dating will not come back. It will only reduce and die with the current generation. The same as it happened with online banking.
5. Online dating is here to stay and will grow
6. New flavors and categories of online dating will pop up with video charts, more Q&A etc. There will be dedicated sites for cat lovers, dog lovers, travelers, power couples, sports buffs, with many more filters
7. Younger generations will match DNA instead the generations before us matched horoscopes.
8. Matching gene pools (to break out of generational diseases) and gene editing exploring will be a big part of dating. Online tools will emerge
9. In less than 20 years, non-monogamy and open marriages will be on the rise. Surprised? It is only as shocking as gay and lesbian marriages were to our parents' and grandparents' generations. Non-monogamy will be common.
10. Most people will not have one marriage even in monogamous relationships. One relationship for the rest of your life will be a thing of the past.
11. The institution of marriage will die, societies will recognize living partnerships, Progressive societies will do it first, conservatives and primitive will die hard
12. Financial and other dependencies will be outdated, less people will take dependencies on shoulders in the name of love. Independence and not seeking others for help will be a requirement, the sense of partnership to build a happy and successful life will be the core expectation, there will be less room to give a partner what he or she does not have (money, lifestyle, help etc.), pressure to make divorces easier will grow, laws will change
13. Marriage to make babies will be outdated, sperm and egg banks will grow, designer babies will grow
14. It is very common to cling on to the practices we were comfortable with and we perceive as 'normal' based on our societal conditioning and have a shock value to new things that bust those norms but the opposition starts dying with time. It is part of generational changes.
15. We have a choice. Get on the bus or miss the bus. The information revolution is the fastest ever in the history - 7 times faster than the industrial revolution.

Filters are like “deal breakers”. Applying filters is like searching for that perfect woman. Your idea of a “10”.
Personally, if looking for a mate, I would want her to be a little different. I wouldn’t want to date a clone of myself. I’d like her to bring new things into my life, and myself for her. It should be an exciting adventure for both.

that was a great thing you did for your wife to keep the cats.
my wife & i both love cats but i'm afraid i may be a little allergic. but we've been too many yrs now without a cat & i can see one in our future soon.

I believe you should have a few things that are absolute deal breakers, but everything else should be negotiable.

“A happy union is not one of perfect partners but the triumph of love over imperfections.” - Unknown

No . Just no .
First of all , I don't need any cat or dog that can't be a true part of my everyday living . That's not a pet , that's a egomaniac way to keep animals as prisoners .
Second of all , if the woman was going out at the special area to pet the cats some times ( one can hope ) , the cars hair and oils on her and the clothing will had be enough to trigger an asthma episode . Just saying
I am not familiar w online dating . I have seen it , and I tried once 10 years ago . If I was to try today , hell yeah I need filters . That's the whole point ??
I know very well that agnostic and religious and spiritual won't work for me Any reference to ghosts , astrology and such will be a no too .
Hunters and gun lovers , no .
Voting for rebuplicans , no .
Been more than 5-7 yrs either direction , no .
Drugs , no
Hating dogs , no
Need to do extreme sports , no .
Do u need me to go on Dave ??
Yeah , I don't care if he doesn't drink esspreso or he does not appreciate classical music . No problem .
But the basics need to be there .
Other ways , I can go down at coffee shop and start talking to anyone available UNTIL I find out all the above
The whole point of online dating IS filters .
I think .

Everyone has a list of things that are important but some have more flex room than others. I strongly prefer non-smoking, but if you are a really good match otherwise, I’ll make an exception.
On the other hand, if your god/faith is a big part of your life/belief system, it’s just not gonna work.

Anybody's pool is going to be fairly small. Just like employment, you don't want any job and don't expect to be hired for jobs if you lack the skills or aptitude. I think less even than 1 in 50 women would be a good match for me, which means there are still hundreds in a small metro area. I do most of the cooking and want an egalitarian partner. Regular church goers are right out, so are Trump sympathizers, though years back I had a Lutheran minister answer my personal ad, we really hit it off but also totally agreed that I was a little too Bohemian to take home to meet the congregation.

Through online dating, I have met 16 men who never learned to cook. Man-children.

"I would be a great sous chef," they bragged. Yet they all sat on their asses waiting for me to serve them.

They wanted a mommy to take care of them and great sex. FLUSH.

Although I'm a good cook, I'm not willing to do all of the meal planning, preparation and cooking. Everyone loves the magic words: "Dinner is served."

"For 40 years, my husband never cooked anything," my friend Billie, 84, said. "Even though we both worked full time. It's a tremendous burden. I would never be involved with a man who does not cook."

Very wise post good lesson for many

When I met Kate some thirty two years ago she had a cat, white and quite a scrapper. She came to find out that she was allergic to cats. She touched a cat then tried to get something out of her eye, a large blister rose on her eye. She decided to go to a doctor for allergies and found all the things she is allergic to, cats were definitely on the list. Years later we were at the vet and I got into a conversation with one of the other people there. I mentioned that Kate was allergic to cats and that was why we only had ten. The lady looked at me strangely. I could see that she was concerned but came to realize that people do have their priorities. Today we have six and live in an apartment of eight hundred square feet. Kate is careful when she goes to touch her eyes.

I have been divorced 37 years . Many relationships and Live in partners since . I have now what I call my Tumbleweed Philosophy, If they cross my path, Maybe I will look into it . At this point in my career I talk myself Out of more than I talk myself into .The Fucking Aggregation is Just not worth it . I love to hear these God Damned Fools looking for their " Soulmate " or " The One " . Life is Complicated and these Idiot's are making it more so .