Ex wife has been with two different people in two weeks, a month after the divorce was finalized. I can’t even get a returned message and I’m feeling rather alone and unwanted. Anyone have advise?
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When you start loving and value yourself none of that will be a matter, who cares what she is doing or with who is she doing, easier to say than actually do it but you will learn, welcome to club and remember "shit happens" move on with smiles. One life and live it, don't waste it. Izzy.
spiritualless
Level 4
July 19, 2019
1
I want to thank you all, knowing that this community is here has helped me put things in perspective. Some of the advice I knew or heard from family but I guess getting it from a more objective position is making it settle in more. I know I’ll still have my bad days but you’ve given me more of a feeling of hope regardless of what happens.
Giomar
Level 5
July 18, 2019
1
I guess if you didn't get back together before the divorce was final, it isn't going to happen now. . If you have kids involved, be civil, but forget the swapping spit side of the relationship. Cut your losses, cut the strings and move on with a new life
ShadowAmicus
Level 8
July 18, 2019
0
I think ‘ex’ is the relevant prefix in your first sentence.
Geoffrey51
Level 8
July 18, 2019
0
Lowering one's standards for no better reason than not being alone is always a bad idea. My ex-husband did it, too, and now he is trapped in a financial and emotional nightmare of his own creation. There are far worse things than being alone. I go on dates when the mood suits me, but I cherish my solitude and guard it fiercely. Don't ever drop your standards out of loneliness. It causes regrets.
Deb57
Level 8
July 18, 2019
1
The more feedback I get especially from you fine people has convinced me that’s true and from things I’ve heard, she’s lowered her standards and I’m not ready to allow myself to do that.
She may have done before look around there is much better out there be careful be more choosy
bobwjr
Level 10
July 18, 2019
1
I don’t think she did but like I told her, I may end up alone but at least my self respect and reputation will be intact because I’d rather find someone of quality
After any breakup, I've always tried to protect my former partner from things that would hurt them more.
It sounds like she may have been trying to hurt you, which is what people do when they themselves are hurt or angry and still care and are seeking revenge.
You indicated below that she told you about these partners which leads me to believe this is true. Its also possible she told you so you'll move on.
Either way, you shouldn't let this rejection determine your value. Divorce can be very devastating but you won't always feel as you do now. Try your best to focus on what you're doing, not what she's doing. You'll see things based on where you look, so look to places and people who bring you comfort, not to her actions. That won't help.
Best of luck.
Athena
Level 8
July 18, 2019
1
The funny thing is, she is the one who left because she was regularly hiding finances from me, and said she couldn’t keep hurting me anymore
Well, in that case, you are probably better off without her, which you know.
That doesn't heal the sting of these things, however. I get that!
I guess the best thing to do is remember nothing she does changes you. Your circumstances are what they are with or without her... your job, your friends and even your chance at happiness.
I hope you can find the huge silver lining in this recent discovery. Your relationship has ended but your freedom has begun.
A friend of mine who was divorced for a few years told me this about it; "you'll never talk to or see her again''. LIVE BY THOSE WORDS.
Lop-Eared-Mule
Level 7
July 18, 2019
0
I work with her
@Giomar get out of your job to a new company in a new city start over and leave her to herself destructive behavior. Be thankful you are out especially financially
@scout123456 Not really an option for me but a few recent events may cause her to do that
Out of curiosity, how do you know she's been with said people? Has she told you? Or have you been following her or having her followed? 
demifeministgal
Level 8
July 18, 2019
0
- ) don't compare yourself to others. You need to find your own way.
2.) When it comes to sex. Females usually have the upper hand.. (guys (on avg) engoy meaningless sex more than the avg girl. It is what it is )
3.) Welcome to the wonderful world of dating again. Best advice i received ,but never took and i wish i did, is.... .
Learn to live alone and be ok with it, before trying to find another person. Gain CONFIDENCE in who you are and what you want FIRST.
hippydog
Level 8
July 17, 2019
1
Rebound relationships are a great way to burn all your bridges. Face it, you d probably completely fuck up any chance you had with a decent woman if you met her today, where as in a year you might be able to form a really good dynamic. If your ex wants to fuck her own future up, in exchange for a little nookie now, that's her issue, but you're smart if you abstain from relationship drama for now.
MarkiusMahamius
Level 7
July 17, 2019
1
With all due respect, why do you care? I am guessing she dumped you, but even if she didn't, you don't need to further concern yourself with her unless you share minor children with her. And even then, her love life is still really not your business unless it affects said kids.
TomMcGiverin
Level 8
July 17, 2019
0
No children involved but that’s part of what hurts because I’d like to have the chance for children.
@Giomar Get out there and start meeting women. You're not too old to have kids with someone, altho your chances are better with someone several years younger than you than your own age. Please tell me you're not one of those men who is obsessed with only dating women without kids so you can start over making babies for her first time rather than being ok with being a stepdad. Odds are if you date women your age or not much younger than you, they will already have at least one kid. Are you ok with being a stepdad in a blended family? Because if you want to be a dad with some woman, that is likely unavoidable. I was exactly your age when I gratefully met my late wife after decades of unsuccessful dating where I had no serious relationships because I wanted a childfree relationship and here in family-oriented Iowa, no women were interested in buying into that. In your state, I assume the culture is the same way regarding kids and family.
@Veteran229 Good points. But this guy seems to really want to find a woman young enough to make babies with him so he can leave his mark on the world, so to speak. Not my kind of choice, but what he wants, so he needs someone young enough and willing to do that. That pretty much leaves out widows, too old for that and he doesn't want to date that much older, I assume. As a widower who did make the right choice for my one happy, successful LTR, I can't tell you how frustrating it is to be stuck with a dating pool that is about 75% divorcees who are bitter, probably not the most mentally healthy women to pick from, but they're mostly what I have to work with because I am still too young to date most of the widows out there, who are usually in their 70s, tho I will date up to age 68. Also, the divorced women will often indicate in their profiles that they are not interested in dating widowed men, a self-defeating attitude if there ever was one, on the assumptions that all widowers are not over their dead spouse and that no woman can ever compete with the dead spouse in that man's mind and heart. How ignorant and blindly selfish can they be? Most widowed men, at least this one, don't see a new woman as a competitor, they just want someone kind, attractive, and fun to be with, not a clone of the dead spouse, who they are not trying to replace, they just want someone compatible to share their life with again.
How do you know this? And you can be sure, they were not quality people, or quality relationships. You don't need that. You need to be good with being alone and that takes time. And those people she was with, they did not want her, they wanted sex. Which is fine, but don't feel unwanted because of it.
GreatNani
Level 8
July 17, 2019
3
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