If you thought he'd Had a stroke - past tense? That's not a problem. I guess they don't have to tell you - though wouldn't that have been civil?

If you think someone is having a stroke? Do this:

The National Stroke Association has devised the FAST checklist ("Act FAST" ) to help determine whether a person is having a stroke.

If the answer to any of the questions below is yes, there's a high probability that the person is having a stroke.

Face: Ask the person to smile. Does one side of the face droop?
Arms: Ask the person to raise both arms. Does one arm drift downward?
Speech: Ask the person to repeat a simple sentence. Are the words slurred? Does he or she fail to repeat the sentence correctly?
Time: If the answer to any of these questions is yes, time is important. Call 911 or get to the hospital fast. Brain cells are dying.

I assume you meant he was not currently having a stroke so then there really isn't anything for you to do. My ex had a stroke and I was the one who had to deal with all the doctors because he kept me as his emergency contact. He lives out of state and he had to come here for surgery on his carotid artery and I ended up arranging most of it. We have been divorced long enough that I did it to be kind and because we have kids and grandkids that we share. His follow up care, which is on him, is not happening. He takes shitty care of himself. And that is for sure not my circus and not my monkeys!

You are only required to be civil & polite. Nothing more, nothing less. Passing the niceties is the open door for him to divulge more should he choose to do so. Otherwise, he's grown & should be able to take care of himself.

What is it you actually feel bad about? That he may have health issues and you felt concerned, or that you choose to ignore that concern and get on with your life?

If you're wondering how you were ever married to him for 24 years your concern for his health should begin and end with how it impacts your children and grandchildren's lives.

You did exactly what I would have done...I think it was exercising tact. If in fact he has suffered a stroke or has had some other illness he may not have welcomed you asking about it. I go on the assumption that if people want me to know something they will tell me, otherwise it’s none of my business....that’s not being bitchy, it’s being smart. It’s amazing when we look back at some of our earlier choices...men included! Hope you had a lovely day at the party....no need for any recriminations.

"not my circus,not my monkeys". I must remember that for future use

At least you didn't berate or be nasty that's good and you are showing compassion better

By saying nothing, you did not embarrass him in front of others. That was kind.

All of your feelings are okay. Acknowledging inner criticism takes away its power.

You are a good person. Be gentle to yourself.