For your own sake, please see a mental health counsellor. It sounds as though you may be slipping into depression.

You were in Arkansas depressed me whenever I just passed through

Feeling good is really just not feeling bad. Perhaps you expect too much.

Expecting gratitude, or even for others to notice, is a Huge waste of time! Please yourself, and let the happiness you gain from doing nice things for You radiate to others!

You just got back from spending an unspecified amount of time in the heart of the freaking Bible Belt. I’m pretty sure you’ve spent quite some time being bombarded by guilt trips, both subtle and not so subtle, at every turn. It’s just how they roll down there.

Now that you’re back in to the normal world where people actually mind their own damn business in regards to others life choices so long as ithe individual doesn’t step on anybody else’s toes, you’re going to need some time to recover and reacclimate.

My advice? Take a nice vacation to Costa Rica and visit the rain forests next time. I promise you’ll come back with a whole different perspective.

I have heard that one can feel down following a vacation, that in a sense you need a vacation from the vacation.

Maybe take a look at your values. What do you value and why? Maybe that will lead to the right direction.

Ethics in and of itself looks at the many reasons why we humans do the things we do. There are a number of reasons including religion. And yes, sometimes those reasons are, in a sense, selfish. Evolution looks at kindness to others as a way to preserve our specie's survival. So, there's that. And okay, so you feel good doing something for someone else, what's wrong with that? Is it any worse than those who do good things because they feel they "have to" in order to get into heaven?

..glad that doesn't hit home for me. I feel ‘selfless’ in many respects, too often just ‘giving it away.’ Never on purpose, or to ‘score points’ ..and not sure why... I kind of envy those able to negotiate a price for what they do .

Read depression mentioned here, you might look into that.. And today, seems everyone seeks counseling in some form ..so maybe that, too. But a willingness to being up your concern and the capability to describe your feelings means you’re aware of them, keep at that. And welcome home ~

Don't worry about your motivation, just remember that the good thing you did got done. I completely understand this feeling. I once read a paper on Altruism and how it ultimately cannot exist. Just be good. You have no one to prove anything to.

"Negative thought replacement is a method for reducing the amount of depressive thoughts in a person’s mind. In the first article of this series, you learned about becoming more aware of your negative thought patterns. In the next article, you learned about letting go of these negative thoughts as they came to you. Now, you’ll learn about the final step — replacing negative thoughts with more realistic and positive thoughts.

Introducing New Positive Thoughts
As you acknowledge and release the negative thoughts about your finances, you can start introducing new thoughts in your mind. First, consider some of the positive changes or actions you and your spouse have taken because of the job loss. Maybe you have gotten creative with your budget, put out lots of resumes, or changed some purchasing habits.

When you release a negative thought about your bills, say something new to yourself like, “I’m feeling more in control because we have cut down some of our bills,” or, “We are finding ways to use our money more wisely and it is helping.” Use the positive information you have learned from this difficult situation to stay encouraged.

Keep Practicing Positive Thought Replacement
You may not quite believe yourself at first since you may be used to your negative thoughts driving everything. If your thoughts are reasonable and encouraging, continue saying them to yourself. Instead of predicting disaster, your newer, more positive thoughts will now pave the way for solutions you may have never considered before. Your problem has become an opportunity.

Images and sounds can also be very influential for some people’s minds. If you know you respond to these, you may conjure up a particular image with your positive thoughts to give them weight — perhaps a color that is calming to you, or an objectr that represents contol or strength to you.

Words spoken aloud also can have a profound effect on the mind. A recent study highlighted in Psychology Today describes how speaking aloud helps create two forms of memory. You remember the words both from reading them and from hearing them aloud.

Change the Direction Of Your Mind with Positive Thoughts
Let’s take one last look at our example of financial worries. You identified the chief concern underneath the negative thoughts about your money, which was a lack of control. When you do something that makes you feel more in control, you take the fuel out of your negative thoughts.

You feel less threatened by the negative statements you hear in your mind because your emotions are calmed by your actions. “We’re never going to make it out of this money mess” has less power when you get job interviews from putting out resumes. And now, you are starting to put better more encouraging thoughts into your mind. These are starting to come more easily each day.

Negative thoughts may still come at you, but maybe not so frequently or with as much punch. They become easier to replace because your feelings are being driven by more positive thoughts. Just as negative thoughts can build and feed on themselves, positive ones can do the same. This takes work and patience, but letting go and replacing the thoughts as they come can tame the raging river of negativity.

Thought Replacement: Just One Tool for Managing Depression
Thought replacement may be just one of many ways you can manage your depression. Also, this method is useful when you have been in remission and you feel yourself sliding into some negativity again. Your awareness of your thoughts can give you a clue about possible relapse into significant depression, maybe even help you get ahead of it.

Every human being has times when they are in a negative slump for a while. The goal with this awareness and replacement process isn’t to completely prevent negative thoughts from ever entering your mind. That just isn’t realistic. The idea is to improve your ability to reduce manage the negativity in your mind. This can keep your brain from getting bogged down every time you are distressed by something.

Develop A Good Habit: Managing Your Negative Thoughts
As you get familiar with this process, you may find that it gets easier over time. There is no magic wand to take away stress and problems in life. But you hold the key to your quality of life, and negativity doesn’t have to be in charge."

[psychcentral.com]

Being kind is the right thing to do! Keep practicing kindness even when your motives are not clear. It is the only path to peace. The more practice it the more naturally it will come, just as any habit. And at the end of a long life you will be a person who has been kind. So you see, kindness can be selfish and maybe the whole reason selfishness exists is to motivate kindness! Poof! Is your mind blown yet Mike?

Sounds like you don’t like yourself much.