Does anyone have a good recipe for holy water?
piss in a bucket ... pour into bottle .... leave to ferment a day or so
steal it from the nearest catholic church? i doubt they'd part with it willingly, but i don't think they guard those little hand dippers. its been a while, maybe they do. that is if stealing holy water is a thing anyway. how much you need, maybe i know a guy
To gather up the sacred water of the lord, first cover your body with raiments that are white, sparkle with the prayer jewels of angels, and cover your body as if you were Amish. Then, go to the spring where, from the earth, emits the cool bubbly water that trickles forth unto the air. Dip your gourd of ladling into the water and deposit it into the holy transportation vessel. Then, silently saying prayers of thanksgiving on bended knee, make a sign of the cross upon your body to be worthy of collecting the sacred water. Take the water you have collected and upon reaching the priest at the altar, kneel before him and lift your vessel to him with words of supplication and humbleness. For doing such a feat, you will be rewarded with one week less in purgatory when you die. Amen
The hard part is finding a vampire to test it on.
Spit.
Does that mean I'm already holy to begin with ?
When I was a kid there was a Catholic joke: Put tap water in a saucepan and boil the devil out of it.
There is a whole series of these! How do you cook kidneys? You boil the pi$$ out of them.
How do you recycle a condom? Turn it inside out and shake the f*** out of it.
Yes. Go to a Catholic church with a jug of water, hold it while the priest fucks you up the arse, and when he shouts oh god, you have your holy water.
I think I'm way too old for the priest.
When I need Holy Water, and I often do, I strain bottled water through my well worn gym socks, which, as you may have guessed, stink to high heaven, and voilà... Holy Water.
Yes, turn in the tap.
Actually, I think my tap water could poison the devil.