Like you, much of this resonates with me as well.

About 8 years ago I was finally ready to date again after almost a decade after divorcing. The woman that I was getting involved with worked in the incarceration industry and one night after a long talk where we opened up and shared deeply, engaged in a wonderful physical celebration of sexuality, I felt safe enough to crack the seal on some memories. And I over-shared.

By the time I felt the temperature change in the room she was dressing quickly and making excuses for why she was leaving. The relationship was strained and distant for about a month until she explained what had happened. She said when I opened up about my mother I tripped every possible warning alarm there was. She said I had all the hallmarks in my history that one sees with sadists, serial sexual assault/rapists, and serial killers. She said she had searched all records and could find no dirt on me and was going to go with her initial gut instinct that I was safe.

This being said, both my parents are near end of life. I keep a lot of safe distance between us. Two of my siblings will not face the truth, the other (I believe) feels the same as as me, but I am not in the kind of relationship where any of us talk, so what do I know, really?

Learning how damaged I am from my childhood really changed my relationship to that woman, and with her two daughters. It tipped the scales and I soon told her that it was not fair to her or her daughters for me to continue with the relationship because I would never be her husband or their father, they deserved the chance to find that someone that could fulfill that role.

I had PTSD (nightmares and low self esteem) as far back as I remember.

I understand your situation. My mother beat me for the smallest infractions. Her favorite phrase was " You can do better" I never got a compliment but plenty of criticism. She always carried a belt to hit me.

Bad situation