Tips on dealing with religious family before, during, and after funerals...
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Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.I don’t go to funerals unless someone there needs my moral support.
The religious part doesn’t have any effect on me.
My family knows I’m atheist they don’t bug me about it and I don’t bug them about their beliefs.
I think atheist make too big a deal about religious things. Who cares it’s just words.
Go for the potato salad, stay for your family.
darthfaja
Level 7
Oct 3, 2019
0
Respect their space & let them have whatever comfort they can find, it is the Only decent thing to do, and how you would wish to be treated.
AnneWimsey
Level 9
Oct 3, 2019
0
I have found every situation is different. When my dad died there was a church service and I attended his funeral. When my mother died, there was a memorial but, as I visited her earlier and I had to travel a long way I did not attend. When my partner died she had signed up for a willed body program and someone from the Univ. of Washington came and got her body. Her ashes were delivered later and I had a remembrance/memorial and over 100 people attended. My brother died recently and there was a small memorial in his town of Houston. I had seen him a couple of weeks before and, again, did not attend. With my dad we all gathered and talked about how glad we were that he was our dad.
JackPedigo
Level 9
Oct 3, 2019
1
You are there because of the dead . All else is background noise. Ignore it. It's what, an hour of your life.
RonWilliam53
Level 7
Oct 3, 2019
2
I Tip waiters and barmaids... thats about it. Life I handle it First Come First Serve.
GipsyOfNewSpain
Level 9
Oct 3, 2019
0
"Going along", in any situation, usually proves to be the worst possible
course of action.
That's how atrocities are allowed to happen.
That's how crimes are allowed to go unpunished.
It makes NO sense to me that any non-believer should have to be the one
to "go along" with a bunch of believers "out of respect".
Respect for what? Their fucked-up delusions?
Why do so many people allow themselves to take a backseat to the nonsensical
beliefs of others?
Time and time again, we see the believers forcing their influence on everyone's
lives. Why do we continue to put up with this bullshit?
This is how genocide happens. We "go along".
Fuck that.
KKGator
Level 9
Oct 3, 2019
2
A family funeral is not the same as condoning atrocities. If the funeral was secular then religious people would have to respect that.
If you follow your reasoning to its logical conclusion? Then no atheist would ever sit in Congress or the Senate, as they would refuse to pledge "One nation under god". That would leave the voters unrepresented. If you think that that is far fetched then take a look at Sinn Fein MPs in Northern Ireland. They will not sit in Westminster bc they won't pledge allegiance to the queen and NI assembly has not sat for 3 years due to a dispute.
"Here lies the grave of Albert May
Who died defending his right of way
He was right all along, all along
But he is just as dead as if he was wrong"
@273kelvin Nice attempt at justification, but no.
Btw, the "under god" part of the Pledge of Allegiance was added by Congress in 1954, to show that the US weren't "godless commies".
Further, no one is required by law to recite it, including members of Congress. So that particular aspect of your justification is nonsense.
"Going along" in nearly every situation is wrong.
Even at funerals.
@KKGator The operative word there is "nearly". I fail to see how respecting other beliefs at a family funeral can be put in the same context as condoning atrocities.
My father was an atheist too. I can still remember the odd family occasions where our presence was required in the church. He would go down on one knee, bow his head and remain silent as prays were said. He never joined in the hymns or communal prays but did not make a big deal about it. It was HIS respectful silence that makes me so angry at bible thumpers berating me as I walk down the high st and why I berate them back.
I haven’t been to one as an atheist yet, but i have found religion makes me angry less recently so i might give some advice on that.
i find it helps to learn about why people are religious, like how our brains evolved to be superstitious and things like that. i still get angry at religion for the awful things people do using it, but i don’t really understand getting angry at people for finding comfort in it. i have met very few people who found comfort in the lack of an afterlife. the fact that so many religious people hold onto their beliefs out of fear of death and hope of seeing a lost loved one again makes perfect sense to me. it’s why i held on so long too.
that doesn’t make it any easier for a nonreligious person though. maybe if you can, take someone with you who understands your position, someone who will stay calm with you but give you an outlet to vent your frustrations. if you can’t do that, you might look for a grief counselor to go to after, making sure they’re secular and won’t try to convince you of an afterlife. the funeral will bring comfort to the religious and help them grieve, so if it doesn’t do that for you, you’ll need to find a replacement. i hope this is helpful.
basher
Level 5
Oct 3, 2019
1
Be solemn. Head lowered. If asked "how are you doing?" answer "well, thank you for asking"
Everyone is there to say goodbye.
Emotion are very near the surface and can flame up easily.
moosepucky
Level 7
Oct 3, 2019
2
Why?
Why is it the non-believer's obligation to "make nice"?
Why are the feelings of the believers so much more important, and
must be tiptoed around?
@KKGator respect.
Respect for the dead and for those grieving.
There is a time and place for everything. Everywhere and any time is not "all the time"
You can be a true non believer and still have respect for others.
@moosepucky You do you.
I'll just skip funerals so I don't have to put up with religious bullshit.
The dead don't care.
@KKGator I have not been to one since I was 9 years old.
Neither of my parents had funerals.
I don't do funerals or weddings.
@Lorajay my experience with life must be far different than what you have experienced. I have never been "preached to or at"
I guess I have been lucky.
@moosepucky Indeed you have been lucky.
@KKGator I have never had anyone try to convert me to any religious, political, dietary, or sexual belief.
@moosepucky Again, really lucky.
@KKGator until joining in here I was under the impression that what I experienced was "normal"
I now see my "view of the world" has been a little sheltered.
Don't go. If you aren't there, they'll have someone else to talk about, and they'll
leave some other poor schmuck alone.
The dead relative doesn't care. I promise.
KKGator
Level 9
Oct 3, 2019
0
@KKGator, I think that would be the appropriate action for someone who feels as strongly as you do about anything/anyone religious. Going could only result in tragedy, so staying home - and even telling them why you're abstaining - is the best choice.
But other non-believers may find a reason to suffer through the machinations of the religious if the deceased was close to them. And that's okay.
Lots of nodding, yeps and thank yous. It’s not that hard.
indirect76
Level 7
Oct 3, 2019
1
Why does the non-religious person have to be the one to acquiesce?
That's ridiculous.
The whole "go along to get along" thing is what's gotten us where we are.
Give the believers an inch, and they'll take the whole damned country.
@KKGator Yep
@hankster And you are free to do as you see fit.
I'm over it.
Btw, I "lump them in together" because they're ALL delusional.
They all share a belief in things that have never existed.
They don't stand up to their brethren and tell them to back off and stop what they do to others.
I do not respect them.
I feel completely justified, and I don't care if it's "ugly".
I come by my positions in response to what they do.
Sometimes, as distasteful as it may be, you have to fight fire with fire.
For a lot of them, scorched earth is all they understand, and I'm okay with giving it to them.
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