Using humor, my bubbly personality, and comedy to mask my tremendous amount of deep rooted sadness has helped me in the past, it isn't working anymore.
could have something to do with the weather & days getting shorter. my mood swings get darker with the shorter days. luckily we're able to head south for 3 months.
Have you lost the ability to find happiness in the tiny things of life, ,like sunlight through colored leaves or rippling water? Those are the kind of things that have kept me powering through bad times. If everything seems grey, it may be time to seek professional help, which might even be free if you call your State's helpline (or whatever they call it). Best wishes to you!
Have you tried light therapy? Theyre cheap enough that it might be worth trying, just to see if youve got short term seasonal issues that can be turned around, before moving on to a professional assessment.