Me too ive found guys that match it all except one thing and had to say goodbye

true

It's funny how that works. I wonder if women look at that expressed desire for family as either 1) a manipulation of saying what you think women want to hear or 2) someone who's going to move too fast and want an immediate commitment. I'm only speculating, though; online dating is too complicated for me to understand what's effective.

Men need to ask themselves that question. If thats is how a man feels I want nothing to do with him. Of course i want sex with someone i value. But they must show their value in their character or im not interested. By the way, the sexism in your comment is rampant and i call bullshit on your gender labelling of traits.

@Lauraleigh39 I am a high functioning Asperger's Syndrome, so I have only my own experiences, observations, and unique characteristics (Asperger's), to go by. The "sexism in my comment" is born of a lifetime of observation of many women and men's attitudes (I am twice your age, and have many times your experience). Some men (relatively few, as opposed to almost all the women I have met), express an interest in marriage and children, but it seems that many who do so are not sincere and voice utterings to the contrary when women are not around to hear them. Is your "Bullshit" statement a manifestation of experience, or is it a knee-jerk emotional response to what you perceive as an insult to your gender...as a aspy, I can never be sure.

Lol At first I thought you were being sarcastic...but maybe not!?

Regardless there are plenty of men who want a relationship, family with kids - I would even go as far as to say most men - and I'm one of them.

"Without sex, why would a man have anything to do with a woman?" Sex is rather low on my list of priorities, to be candid. Why am I with my girlfriend? Sure, there's sexual attraction, but that's not enough for me. Far more important is our emotional connection, intellectual compatibility, interesting conversations, similar sense of humor, and nonsexual intimacy. Sex is great, and I enjoy it, but if I had her in my life with all of the other relationship stuff but no sex I'd still be with her. I think @Lauraleigh39 is right about showing character; I don't want to be with someone who doesn't share similar values to those I hold and strive to achieve them (not that anyone is perfect, myself included, or that I think we'll always meet those ideals we've set for ourselves — but a good-faith effort should always be attempted). And, while I'm opposed to marriage for various reasons, I'm not against committed relationships; that's too complicated to get into here, but suffice it to say that I very much desire committed, long-term partnership. And while I don't want kids of my own, I want to be a positive influence on my girlfriend's children. I know you mentioned that you have Asperger's Syndrome, and I've known some high-functioning people on the spectrum, so I'm wondering, is it possible that you're misinterpreting the outward machismo men often express as a lack of desire for relationship and intimacy? I understand that such may not be important to you, as it hasn't been for some others I've known with Asperger's Syndrome, but it's been my experience that men talk a big game about wanting sex without being tied down when in reality they get lonely and want that human connection and emotional intimacy just as much as women do. /2¢

@Lauraleigh39 Regarding the statements of @dahermit, it is worth critically evaluating his statements, not against what you believe to be true, or hope was true, but against what evidence is available. This is reasnoble given that this is an atheistic and rationalist community.

Marriage has only been around since 1250-1300 CE. That is a blink of an eye compared to how long humans have existed in procreating without marriage. It is also a blink of the eye versus how long animals have existed on earth, none else of whom marry. So his statement is true, marriage is a social construct. That's not to say its bad, or good, but it is something that society has constructed for some kind of perceived benefit, but it is not biologically required.

Regarding "Without sex, why would a man have anything to do with a woman?", I appreciate that this sounds quite direct, but again, the rule (rather than the exception) in the animal kingdom is that the sexes combine only to reproduce. The list is almost endless, from red pandas, polar bears, platypuses, sandpipers (which are birds), skunks, leopards, moles, orangutans (which are biologically very similar to humans), koalas, giant anteaters, rhinos, Tasmanian devils, tortoises, etc.

So his comments about males getting together with females only to mate, while going against what some in society may otherwise wish was the case, are not unreasonable after disheartened analysis.

Interestingly the construct of marriage would have come from the church (controlled and lead by men) and be reinforced by layMEN throughout history, to ensure the progeny one was financially supporting was actually his child.

But also, men have various relationships with women including as parents, siblings, cousins, coworkers, friends, best friends, lovers, partners, etc.... the fact you need this spelt out for you and cannot grasp why men would want anything to do with women, is sad.

@Vpatel I don't think marriage started around 1250–1300 CE. The old testament makes reference to marriage, and that goes back a couple of millennia earlier than the dates you cited. This article claims the earliest recorded marriage was around 2350 BCE (though I don't see sources cited): [theweek.com] Or do you mean marriage where love was a factor? There are differing opinions about when romantic love developed, but some claim it emerged around the time you mentioned. I also disagree that we can extrapolate that men are interested solely in sex based upon the animal kingdom as a whole; modern human social orders are different from those of other social animals. Even if you could effectively establish that there are virtually no animal species that establish relationships, which is patently false, it would do nothing to illustrate the assertion that men desire only sex without a relationship and that women are primarily looking for a relationship. And I think a quick look at people shows this isn't the case. Young people tend to approach sex somewhat casually in general, and that goes for men and women alike, but we still see a lot of pair bonding taking place. As people get older, there tends to be more emphasis on family and commitment, but that's not to say sex becomes unimportant to people once they reach their 30s. It's certainly true that not everyone has the same desire for partnership and sex, and that these don't always overlap and that there's an ebb and flow to these desires based on myriad factors, but this is the fluid dynamic of human interaction that you're ignoring by saying that the only desire men have for women is as a receptacle for sex. Yes, we have biological desires for reproduction — men and women alike — but we also have social needs and we desire partnership; the former being true doesn't invalidate the latter.

@Sealybobo I disagree. Just because someone can afford something doesn't mean they want it. I can afford to have children, but I choose not to — and I know a lot of people feel the same way. But even if what you said about finances were the case, you haven't shown that gender stereotypes of men being interested in women exclusively for sex and women wanting men exclusively for making babies is true. And you admitted that men do in fact want companionship and feel lonely without, but then said that sex is still the only reason men want women around. The argument seems unfounded.

@resserts Thanks for the response. I think you've missed my point, which was that it is not unreasonable for men to partner with women with the motive of sex, and only sex, and to find that this is biologically driven.

I gave examples of other species, many of which are very closely related to humans. In my response, I also said that sex between animals is only monogamous by exception, rather than the rule. I didn't say it doesn't happen, it clearly does, such as between swans.

So for a man wanting only sex from a women to be labelled as sexism is wrong. It's like saying that an orangutan who mates with multiple partners as being "sexist".

It is only "sexist" in a cultural, and socially constructed context.

While we may see ourselves as distinct from other animals, superior, "better", and therefore held to a "higher" standard, I disagree. Elephants are just as social, as are dolphins, and even crows. Both of which the males only mate for sex.

Don't get me wrong, I am someone who wants to spend my life with a women who I can care for, having valuable moments with, as well as have sex with.

But we are all born with a desire to reproduce, and therefore to have a man driven only to pass on his genes is not an unreasonable one.

@Vpatel I don't think you've established your purported thesis, but it's irrelevant; the position that dahermit took, and which presumably you were defending, was a more ubiquitous statement that women are the ones driving marriage and children while men generally don't want those things and have no use for women outside of sex. I never once said that humans were above other animals, that our societies are better (only different), or that wanting casual sex is sexist behavior. Nobody I saw in this comment thread made any of those claims. The point was that there are a lot of men and women who at times want only sex, and that there are a lot of men and women who want family (partnership and/or children). What @Lauraleigh39 said wasn't that wanting sex without strings is sexist, but rather that the claim that most women want family while the vast majority of men want only sex is gendered nonsense — and it's so easily debunked. You said of yourself that you want long-term, committed partnership. I desire partnership as well. We're not outliers, as most of my male and female friends want some form of family — but very few wanted that life at 20 years of age. There's far more overlap in desires than "women want family, but men just want sex."

@resserts thank you for clarifying - my misunderstanding.

I feel like men are blind to all i have overcome and accomplished and still accomplish as a single mom. I support my son fully financially and physically. We have a nice, maintained home. I have a good career and im saving tons of money for college and retirement. I still manage to workout and take care of myself and i also donate regularly to various efforts to help others. I even fund college savings accounts for my exs kids. All men ask me about is wgat are you into... thats what im into!! Its more important than a trialthlon, concert, or karate classes, etc just to give me a sense of identity...

@Lauraleigh39 The "what are you into" question kinda gets to me. I understand that I can say a few things like "stamp collecting, jogging, amateur prosthodontics" but I always feel like the person is asking for a neatly packaged impression of who I am. What I'm into is part of me but we gotta spend time to get a feeling for each other.

I understand i just don't want a relationship with them if they don't meet my needs. Boundaries. Platonic Friendships are fine for those people.

@Lauraleigh39 I am not convinced you do understand, is there any conceivable person that could meet your needs?

@Happy_Killbot whats your goal here other than to attempt to criticize me and be a dick?

@Lauraleigh39 I think he enjoys debating and being a contrarian for the sake of it.

Its important for atheists to organize politically and socially

@Lauraleigh39 Absolutely!

hahahahahahaha this cracked me up. Im an old cat lady but if you say so!!!

Yes, sure do. You're not old by a long shot.