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I have quite a dilemma. (I realize the overall category that this site falls under, but I think I can still get a wide range of opinions because even if most here aren't believers, some of us were at some point, or we know those who are)

I have recently met someone and we are in a LDR (She lives in the U.K., I live in Texas USA) At first there was not much talk about religion..even the simple fact that she was a Christian and I was not ( I have said Atheist in the past only because I am so furious about the recent and current hypocrisy in our day to day climate, but I think I settle safely on Agnostic)
Recently she started going on about what the bible says about not associating with non believers. This has caused nothing less than quite a bit of tension. I feel judged and while she says she's not, I'm sure ya'll can understand how i can feel this way.
The specific passage talks about believers and nonbelievers being unequal. and how can they have anything in common? While i respect her view point, I just don't understand how anyone can follow that in 2019 almost 2020. if they are only supposed to be with other Christians what happens if all they meet are A--Holes?
Is anyone with someone who is a Christian who accepts your views? was anyone in a previous relationship where this was the straw that broke the camel's back? does anyone have family and or friends that have dropped this issue on you...specifically quoting 2 Corinthians 6:!4

She has hinted that this might be a deal breaker, and surely this isn't the first nor the last relationship that ended because of religion. I'm just curious if anyone has had this specific problem, and if so..is it one religion more than others? I was raised Catholic and my Granny never brought this up and would never disagree with a grandchild's partner because they weren't Catholic.

thank you all in advance. please be kind. interested in everyone's views and opinions and experiences

Pfr1998 5 Dec 22
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34 comments (26 - 34)

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1

I dated a woman who did similar (just minus the distance). It didn't go well at all because Jesus was everything to her. The picture you paint of your lady sounds similar. She has already given you enough info that you will not be equal unless you let Jesus into your heart. She may say she is not judging you, but she is. It is like the "stop hitting yourself" thing kids do. Time to run if it was me.

Jesus is the ultimate sex toy: Only around when you need him, does what he was designed for, gives pleasure, and obeys orders (as long as the batteries last). Hard to be human and compete with that.

@Ellen-SoCal In yer dreams!

1

If it's already causing a problem, I would get out while the getting is good.

0

To use their term: unequals don't work together, especially in a supposedly loving relationship. That's been my personal experience and observation. My last girlfriend was nice enough at first, then religion crept up, it came out in her more and more. I tried not to argue with her or even bring the subject up, but it's an obsession with them. She talked to herself a lot, quoting stuff from the bible... fing nutty. We lived together but I had to sleep in another room and I eventually moved out. We ended with her rebuking me, insisting I had demons swirling around me. I don't care if they seem relatively rational on the outside, inside they're a sticky, nutty mess. Forget about it.

0

I would ask yourself, "Do I feel safe with her? Can I truly be myself around her? Do I feel the need to hide parts of myself? These questions may help you gain clarity that you need.

0

Give it a try.

0

Well, anyone that knows me will know I'm agnostic and I don't believe in God. So, religious or not, has to respect that. That shouldn't be an issue whatsoever. That's in theory. In practice, a couple must know how to deal with the differences between each other. I never experienced that but I wouldn't let be an issue by being straight from the very start.

If ya don't like the peach, then walk on by the tree!

0

Well, you could turn the tables on her. Tell her that if what she is saying is true, she should be able to prove to you that there is a god. By doing that, and doing so all in direct sincerity, it puts the ball in her court, and, obviously, she will fail. She may drag your ass to church, but if you are willing to push the issue and strong enough to weather the social pressure, and, able to directly not only par her arguments but also reveal why you are an agnostic, you may turn the tables on her. This is clearly a strategy that is explosive and dangerous to the relationship, but, given the current situation, I don't see a whole lot of hope for it as it stands . . . . if you let her continue on the same route, the shit is going to hit the fan anyway, so turning the tables on her is probably your only hope. By the way, when you deal with people like this, they will try to tangentialize the argument . . . in this case, what you will see is she will try to stray from the proving, change the argument, and you have to force the argument to stay on PROOF of god's existence, if you let her change it, it will destroy your success in turning the tables on her . . . . she has to prove it to you, and, listen to your counter-arguments.

You will hear people who tell you that it is impossible to change their mind, but it is not. I know, because I changed my mind after a discussion with a German fellow with whom I am eternally grateful for . . . . the key is, people think that others should change their mind right then and there, during the discussion, and it does not work that way . . . . it happens afterward, when they start thinking about how they are going to rationalize their belief, and how they are going to counter the argument, and realize that they simply can't!

Also, my bet is that if you dig deep enough, you will find that she is either wanting to get out of the relationship anyway, or, the more likely scenario, she is being pressured by her fellow believers to conform by forcing you to conform.

0

I have a similar situation
I have a friend in NY whom I have become very close to recently who is Christian. He's a lovely kind hearted person but does too much preaching to me, even reading his devotionals to me. I find it rather annoying. He thinks he can bring me back to the faith because I'm rather well versed in ancient texts. He doesn't understand that I will never be evangelized. It's tough because I really like him otherwise.

That's like somebody constantly taking you to a Thai restaurant when you absolutely dislike Thai food. And they keep doing it over and over, firmly convinced that one more time will break your will to have an opinion about your thinking.

Another person who needs to see the line in the sand, "I will not discuss nor tolerate your attempts to bring me to your religion. If you do so, I will walk away."

If you ask him to stop, does he? Will he allow the subject to be changed? I had to get rid of somebody like that,it was damned disrespectful!

I agree with the others. We need to set boundaries, even with friends and loved ones. Something like telling him not to read his devotionals or start evangelizing or you will leave the discussion. I wonder if he keeps doing it since you have not put a firm stop to it.

@Ellen-SoCal No Thai, no get in! lol

0

Ask her to join the church of England. She will soon get bored with the whole idea.

she's from the UK. I'm not sure if that's where she goes, but she left one for another because her current church was following a book by a preacher who was known to have allegations of sexial assualt and pedophilia...

@Pfr1998 The C of E is known as an inoculation against religion or the conservative party at prayer. I doubt if she goes there. Hers sounds cultish. It might be best to cut your losses or let her do so

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