Considering how rampant scammers and predators are, one would think that men would be a teensy bit more understanding about why a woman would be reluctant to immediately fork over her location, e-mail address, and phone number to a stranger on the internet. WTF is up with that? Talk about failing Red Flag Test #1!
8
Enjoy being online again!
Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.Create your free account
11 comments
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.
I suspect there are just as many "female" scammers and "predators" (or those who present themselves as females). Men have to use their wits to sort through them as well as the ladies. No one will ever uncover a true serial killer (a rare bird indeed), not even their partner, or mother. Most of the others seem pretty easy to sort-out... even the men with women, from what I've seen. A few emails within the safety zone and the bad folks seem to reveal themselves by their style, but it's not always the things you think of first. Turns out the very best connections with me have always been with women who were good at sorting-out the bad apples online and contacted me first. They weren't afraid of sharing more contact data after 2-3 emails and I never had to ask (those I did ask, after 10-20 emails, were gone in a micro-second). Some women have that "intuition" thing highly evolved and could be called successfully adventurous. Others seem afraid of nearly everything and suspicious of all. Not good relationship material. They often build walls that are insurmountable. Online dating isn't likely to work well for those (men and women) who don't have good sense and highly-attuned radar. The ones who do have good radar will still meet a bunch of mismatches in their travels but aren't generally at risk. In those stories we see of people who were harmed, the victims did incredibly stupid things mostly out of desperation, repeatedly. My opinion, of course.
mtnhome
Level 7
Jan 13, 2020
0
For the the easiest thing to do is be honest. When I am working on writing a novel, I use my imagination and creativity to describe a world I do not live in. When writing posts on this site I realize that anyone can read any of my posts and find much about me, one could probably search the web and find where I live and much more. I try my best to be honest here and help others. I do not understand why anyone would do different. I am here for community, I am not looking for any relationship other than just conversing with intelligent and interesting people. I find them here and appreciate the effort of others. Anyone reading my posts will find that I mostly converse with women, I have always been doing this as I do not usually get along with other men unless we are working together on a project or other group activity. Then I have to know them for some time. I find people who would be dishonest and unauthentic to be lost, I do not know what other term to use, Why would anyone go there. It seems to me that if one just wants to float around not actually getting anywhere or contributing to anything beyond one's self interest they are just waisting everyone's time and effort. When someone does this the are telling us they have a problem and are not looking for a solution just the furtherance of their problem. Good luck to them in their misery, but please do not put that onto anyone else.
dalefvictor
Level 8
Jan 12, 2020
1
I would always message at least several times thru the dating site's messaging system with someone. Then, the next step would be meeting for coffee in a public place. If someone didn't want to follow that method, such as wanting to draw out the messaging for a couple weeks or more, or refusing to meet after the messaging seemed to have run its course, I would give up on them and move on. It seemed like some women were more just out to pump up their egos with the attention of men, or maybe just wanted to find text buddies, rather than men to meet and date. I dunno, but either way, these kinds of delaying tactics about meeting in person were a turnoff to me and made me wonder if they were insincere about wanting to meet men, too insecure to handle dating at that time or both. The bottom line was, I was not going to waste my time on them.
TomMcGiverin
Level 8
Jan 12, 2020
1
Did you take into consideration her concern for her own safety? It's a dangerous world, and women sometimes get murdered simply for saying "no" to a predator. And unfortunately, predators don't wear signs informing us that they are predators. They look like everybody else. Any man who considers his own timeline for the rate at which things should progress more important than mine has shown me that he does not value my need to feel safe. That's a massive red flag, and I will immediately be forced to assume he means me harm on some level. My life may depend on that decision. I'm certainly not going to put myself at risk in order to have some guy I don't know like me a little better.
@Deb57 To each their own. I am not going to wait a few weeks to meet someone and get the in person meeting over with to know if there is any chemistry or not. If someone is too fragile, fearful, whatever, they are not secure enough for me to want to spend any more time with them. I have the right to decide how long I will wait on someone and there is nothing mysogynistic about that. Women have reasons to be fearful, I get that, but I have the right to decide how long I will wait on someone as well as to protect myself from being played. Have you ever considered that last aspect, that many men get tired of being played by women who have no real interest in ever meeting in person?
For all I know, most or at least some of the women in online dating that hold out for at least a few weeks on meeting in person because "they are too fearful, need to know you better, etc." may instead just be messaging with several guys and feeding their egos while stringing guys like me along about meeting while they are actually beginning to meet with several guys who are in their top tier of candidates? Who wants to bother spending more time on someone when this exact situation has happened to them before with online dating and they are tired of being played or letting themselves be put in that position again?
The blunt truth is, Deb, that while all women have some reason to be afraid for their safety with online dating, there are also women who use that as an excuse to justify bad behavior like I have outlined above where they are benching or stringing along guys that they are not that interested in meeting compared to other prospects they are messaging or maybe not even interested in meeting at all, such as women who are just out to find texting buddies from dating sites so they can feed their ego with the male attention.
@TomMcGiverin Since it wouldn't occur to me to be that way, I would not take into consideration that a woman would want to "collect" profiles or string men along to feed her ego with male attention. What on earth would be the point in that? It's difficult for me, as a woman, to see how doing that would serve any kind of purpose or offer any appeal or gratification on any level. Is this something a man would do? Again, though, from being female, I know exactly how dangerous it is to trust too soon or ignore basic safety because a man is being too pushy. You do get to decide how long you wait. As I pointed out, earlier, if forced to choose between taking a risk to please a man or losing a man and being safe, I'll choose being alone.
@Deb57 and I was going to be killed for insurance money by the 59 year old girl and her 55 year old boyfriend.....in a country where jobs are scarce and the bottom half has less than living wages it is no surprise religion forgives predators turning upon neighbors and a government murdering for profits in 150 countries.....if we don't trust truth tellers and instead buy the lies from the gangsters in office....nobody will make love ONLY WAR rages on
@Deb57 the PROBLEM is NIGGERIANS and sexual predators to be sure like Bill Cosby Bill Clinton Harvey Weinstein Bill O"Reilly pussygrabbers and gold diggers.....lovers beware
Understanding yes patience yes .... profile collecting NO
Larry68Feminist
Level 7
Jan 12, 2020
1
The rampant scammers also hack into my accounts via phone and email..... as a politician my address is common knowledge but I practice self defense learned in hand to hand combat as a Veteran.... however , my experience with dating sites is that females want pillow talk for free rather than meet and date an honest Feminist Atheist.....they want intelligent conversation while blaming good men for the bad boys of their past...
.. that is the red flag to me....paranoia without courage to heal.....
Larry68Feminist
Level 7
Jan 12, 2020
0
I trusted my husband for 17 years before I accidentally discovered all the mischief he had been up to during our marriage. It nearly cost me my home and everything I had worked a lifetime to acquire. If my choices are losing a man because I am being too cautious or risking everything just to please some man, I'll go with choice number one. Every time.
@Deb57 I am so sorry you married an evil jerk.....dobiyi et probiyi trust but verify.....you are probably correct about the sheer numbers of untrustworthy boys of all ages.....real men just want an honest relationship without lurking fears MEMORIES of predecessors.....and many women tell me so many dates fail for talking about THE EX.....widows widowers not so much ....there are great reasons to divorce but never a great reason to die....inside Agnostic Land I choose very few Atheist men friends ....how they are working out for you in your search zone I cannot say....I was eager to relocate 28 states and none there seemed to value the chemistry of eyes and ears to venture more than one kiss....I am a giver and stay away from the takers to be safe both of us
That's something I always keep in mind in the online dating scene. I know that I'm a good guy. All my friends, male and female, know I'm a good guy. But to some random lady, I could be Jack the fucking Ripper. I don't blame women for not trusting men.
Come to think of it, I don't blame anyone for not trusting anyone.
JayOleck38
Level 7
Jan 12, 2020
2
This exactly! Being trusting has caused me more grief, loss, and trouble than anything else in my life. I'm a slow learner, but it finally soaked in.
@Deb57 Trust is earned, not given. I've learned that pretty damn quickly (thank you very much, lazy stoner kids in college.)
NEVER divulge more than is necessary to maintain a conversation.
If you start to feel uncomfortable, slow down.
Use a face to face app so you can see who you are talking with. If they don't want to do this STOP.
This appears to be browser based conferencing software (no phone # needed, all online). If you do use it let everyone know how it works out.
moosepucky
Level 7
Jan 12, 2020
1
@Doraz does snapchat require a phone # or email address?
Well, it's because were self centered idiots.
1of5
Level 8
Jan 12, 2020
1
@Deb57 You might be surprised to learn that men can also become victims. I've heard several reliable stories of men being lured to a meeting place, and then being beaten and robbed - or worse. Everyone needs to use some common sense in online dealings, whether it's for dating, or selling an item, or looking for renters or employees etc. All of us !
Enjoy being online again!
Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.Create your free account
Share this post
Categories
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.