Disagreements and conflicts will happen, but shouting, attacking, and acting out crosses a line. It's one thing to feel angry, it's a whole different thing to act out on it. Unfortunately some people are still like children and haven't learned this lesson.

When the shouting begins is when I leave.
I won’t do it or listen to someone else doing it. Failing to get to the bottom of issues though is just as bad. It must be talked out... calmly.

I think shouting makes things worse but sometimes it’s hard to control in the heat of things. Cooler heads always prevail.

It's not realistic to believe people shouldn't get heated. It's human nature. Even the best of us who have an ability to control our emotions succumb to them some times. I hardly ever had any fights with any of my exes though. We just were never in too many situations where we would fight. I think the more compatible people are, the less arguments they will have. I remember only having 2 heated arguments in all the relationships I have had. Some things just set people off more than others. If a significant other doesn't want to argue with me about something I find important or that bothers me enough to get heated, then it's kind of a problem. Even though it might not be true, it kind of shows me their lack of interest in something that makes me really upset. They have to at least acknowledge the issue and how pissed I am. If they are apathetic about it, it's a problem. Once I see someone doesn't care about something that upsets me, it kind of puts a damper on moving forward.

I agree with you. I have done it, but then I feel stupid for allowing myself to act that childishly. Obviously, I have a hard time respecting someone who cannot be reasonable.

Shouting and anger tend to prove that someone is wrong and refuses to admit it.

I will not shout and argue. Emotional fighting rarely solves anything and will usually cause more harm than good. I will discuss anything with a partner. Nothing should be disqualified from discussion if it is important to your partner. Just do it with care and understanding and realize it is important to them and they probably trust you a great deal of they are willing to talk about it.

Couples need to have this conversation early on so that they can address how conflicts can be managed to their mutual benefit.

Shouting occurs when one decides that (s)he will control the entire situation and will not allow the other side to present an alternative view . This may come after the first to speak , quietly , has decided not to listen to the second opinion .

I can't stand yelling, and it probably comes from my parents yelling and screaming at one another when I was a child. I refuse to be around it, and if someone yells at me I walk away. I was at a family meeting with a client of mine, when her family started screaming at one another. I sat there for a few minutes while they yelled at one another, and then once I had their attention informed them that they could either speak to each other in a more respectful tone or I was leaving. They decided that they wanted to yell, and I left. Nothing can be resolved when everyone is trying to scream over the top of each other.

No it is not wrong. I believe mature adults discuss things. If things start to get heated you take a break and come back later. I wouldnt, couldn't be friends or more with a person that had to argue and yell.

This is why I broke if off with my last bf: he reserved the right to yell when angry--he point-blank told me he thought it was proper and permissable, because it's how his family of origin system worked--meanwhile, I can't tolerate yelling, because of the dysfunction in my family of origin.

He told me he thought my boundary-setting (e.g. I'm not going to let you yell at me) was an attempt to "control and manipulate." That's when I knew we were done.

Someone who refuses to yell is probably as emotionally mature as I am. We're not terrible common, it seems.

It is certainly not wrong to desire a relationship and environment free of arguing and fighting. Nor is it wrong to have it established as a "ground rule of the relationship" - so to speak - making shouting and anger a "non-option." It obviously requires two people who agree on that premise to begin with and two people who have mastered the skill of examining their own feelings and choosing a path to deal with them. You're still going to "get" angry - it's what you do with it that is the difference. I grew up in a household where voices were NEVER raised and have adopted that life-style.

I don't see any reason to accept that. I avoid people that argue and yell all the time...

It should not be an option. I think it's a bad habit, and bad habits can be changed. Maybe practicing patience and the right time to bring up issues is what needs to be done. One can still be a jerk without resorting to arguing and yelling. Still have to be considerate of the things you say and how you say them.

The more desperate some people get to make you see things their way, the louder they get, and if they think they're losing, they get even louder. I guess they think shouting is more convincing but it works the opposite with me and makes them look irrational.

I have not problems with arguing, it is healthy but I dislike verbal violence, shouting, name calling, etc... I know many cannot control outbursts, and may even go into rage, once in a while I can understand it if the situation merits it, but if it is the default position, I cannot take it.

Yeah, I can’t do that. I had to end a relationship with a mostly very nice person but when she was upset she was completely irrational and would yell at me to stop yelling at her, when in fact I clam up. I was thinking about that just earlier today....yesterday actually. I saw a couple outside a store and the way this guy was yelling and cussing at his wife I wanted to go rescue her. Okay I’m too smart to do that, and he wasn’t hitting her so I opted to drive away.

At all costs no yelling. Anger has brought me to cruelty a couple of times. I don't want to see that hurt betrayed look on the face of another again.

I’m not one to sweat the small stuff... I like open and honest, never had fights with any girlfriends with the exception of the one that ended in divorce... other than that I’m still friends with most, most being 2 out of 3... the 3rd started putting nasty stuff on FB after we parted so I blocked her. I would have stayed friends even if just fringe but it is what it is... now I date, not in anything serious and that may be best for a while... the problem with my ex was I found out she had a boyfriend for the last 4 years we were together. I didn’t deserve that and when I found out I left, I have the kids half the time and live 5 blocks away. If she was not happy she should have talked to me and gave me my life back way sooner.

Men and women will argue. If not, one of them is holding something in. There are good ways to argue and there are destructive ways to argue. Male and female brains are so different. Sometimes l think the only thing our brains have in common is they are both encased in a skull. Ours may be a little thicker than yours. Let the jousting begin!

My ex would always get mad at me because I wouldn't argue back with her. I would always apologize when she got angry and would calmly offer a solution to the problem. Which would make her more upset. I later realized that she got angry over me not arguing because it made her feel like the bad guy. I just don't understand why anyone would lose their temper so much with someone they are suposed to be in love with. Unless they did something really horrible on purpose. It seems to me that is the one person you should always have patience with.

I agree with you. I have an ex who saw violent loud outbursts as part of a relationship. She was also into make up sex. I am not. When she had finished venting she woudl get all amorous, I was seriously NOT in the mood.

After 2 relationships (one being together with a salty sailor) I finally found one that believed in reason and dialogue to settle 'frustrations'. I have learned how peaceful and comforting that is and will never go back to the bad old days. But I am getting ready to go visit my daughter in Portland and her mother will be there. I have not seen her in 35 years and am trying to come up with a game plan should she try to push 'buttons' (she is very religious).