Being free, means being free of given meaning as well as restraints. You have therefore now to find your own meaning for life, if you want one. Other people have found it I know, in things like education, work goals, charity, making a contribution, helping others on the same route, artistic expression, etc. the list is well known. The thing is, I think, to decide what is truly important to you and keep that at the front of your life.

The life you had before revealing your true self was essentially an act.... "All the world's a stage." now it's time to be your true self.. It's transition time. That means meeting new people that know the real you and accept you as you are... It takes time but you're not the first to do it.. Be strong ☺

This may sound simplistic as I never had to "come out" in either a sexual or religious manner and expect any negative feedback. I'm "straight" and the relationship I had with family members have and never have had anything to do with whether or not I believed in a god, so I admit to be speaking from a bit of ignorance in relation to the pitfalls involved.

Given that, it would seem to me that what you need is to try and fill your life with those things you were denying yourself to keep the mask in place. A secret girlfriend is now someone of which you can openly have a relationship and have an expectation that people should understand regardless of whether or not they agree. Events with a lesbian or gay theme in which you can find like minded people for support are now an open venue for you as you no longer have to deal with someone "finding out" that you attended.

The same is true in relation to your atheistic POV. I would suggest doing more of what you did to find us. Join some groups that point you in a direction that validates your newfound freedom and explore it with as much vigor as you did in hiding it. You may find a whole new world that lights up that darkness with opportunities you never knew were available to you.

Hello, your post struck a chord with me, as I am an ex-Christian and curious bisexual woman. With both of my parents deceased, it has relieved me of the pressure of disappointing them. My three older siblings, who are of the same beliefs as our parents, have been critical of my life decisions for as long as I can remember.

If I understand your post correctly, your previous existence kept you occupied because you were always keeping your truth concealed. So now that the cat's out of the bag, who are you, and what are you going to do with your freed up time?

In the days of Covid, there's not a whole lot of traveling and exploring to be had, so maybe media is your new best friend. I haven't spent much time listening to pod cast, but for some reason, the book 'The Dark Night of the Soul" came to mind, as it touches on existential issues and isolation.

I'm not being very helpful, I realize. I guess I want to tell you that you are not alone!!

They were not loving you, they were loving the facade you projected.

If you don't won't to keep on pretending, and you want people to love you as you are, accept yourself and find loved ones that will love you because you do.

Hi, it's nice to meet you.

Allow me to say how very proud of you I am!!! I acknowledge you for the courage you have shown in both of these actions in your life. So much of what we give importance to in our lives is really just circumstance. And...we have within our power the ability to choose how we respond to these circumstances in our life. We get to choose who we are BEING in response the circumstances. Consider the difference between the two statements "I am sad" and "I choose to be sad right now". The first seems all encompassing and assigns a status to ourselves that is rigid and immutable. The second, though, allows for choice and opens the possibility of BEING in a different frame of mind.

I offer this to say that you can now CHOOSE to be genuine and authentic in all of your interactions in life. No more hiding and no more lying to others who you choose to be. This can be the beginning of a grand adventure in your life.

Also may I offer a different perspective about standing on the "edge of the darkness". Instead of standing at the precipice of a darkness, you have now created an empty space in front of you. And what can you do with an empty space (or if you are an artist, an empty canvas)... ANYTHING YOU WANT! It is there to fill it as you choose and see fit.

Carpe Diem! Sieze the day!!! Try a hundred news things. Love some, hate some. Try something and fail or maybe try something and succeed! All the while, learning who the authentic you has alway been - not the mask that you used to present to the world.

I bow before the greatness and courage it took for you to begin this journey!!! Bon voyage!!!

Talking about your new situation in a positive way will go a long way toward making your new life happier. Freedom is much more beautiful than it is scary.

Nothing guarantees happiness or self fulfillment and you may feel as if you've taken a backwards step in terms of relationships, however, your potential to be happier and have better relationships is now much greater than it was.

Your true friends won't judge you for that.

It will take time to readjust and make a new life, hang in there you will see it was all worth it.

I would suggest not TRYING to find a girlfriend, but doing the things that you enjoy, that resonate with you, and you will meet people who like those things too. Whether, or not, you find a love there, you will still be treating yourself with respect, and then you never know who will cross your path.

Alot of very good advise here.....change is scary, and letting youself be vunerable by that change is even scarier. Staying in touch with people that want to be supportive, and staying away from people that are negative is important. Negativiness is a killer of progress in getting to where you want to go....good luck, and stay strong.

Don't worry about it

Congratulations on taking a big step. Those constraints and burdens you've been fighting against may have become familiar and you may be somewhat disorientated by their absence, you might even miss them a little. But you truly are better off without them and as you build new habits and become familiar with your new way of life the disorientation will fade. As for what to do next. Anything you like. Only you can answer but I'll throw out some suggestions. Read, hike, travel, get drunk, meet new people, enroll in college, paint or go fishing.

Best of luck.

All is where it's suppose to be. Living in your truth belongs to you and those that love you. Don't know how old you are but time and truth do come together with "acceptance". The "god" thing destroyed my life and now all I have is my own wisdom in truth. I am a photographer and filmmaker and my time is not wallowing in some indoctrination but instead in creating in my perception of the truth no matter what the loss. I know too many people who rely on the "sheep herding" mentality and when eyes are open ... it gets pretty lonely grazing.

take your time
trust yourself
read a lot of good science writers like Sagan

PixieStyx, hi! First, totally love your handle! Please be the person you were meant to be! Don't be a "new" you, be the real "you". The honest you! Embrace you. Hugs!

You've started a new life. Don't be sad to lose them because its obvious at this point that they would be a source of toxicity in your new life.

Everything can be taken from a man (or a person) but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way."
Victor Frankl
You know who you are, now your job is to continue making good choices that display your value as a human being.

Congrats on freeing yourself. If your family truly loved you, they would already have known instead of trying to shoehorn you into their fantasy version of you.
My grown daughter came out to me about a year and a half ago. I shocked her when I told her I knew since she was about 12 . She had remained closeted due to her mother and her entire family being in ultra Evangelical fantasy land, and that bunch still doesn't know ( don't ask me how, she's butch as heck... Can you say denial
Forget about people who only want to bring you down to make themselves feel better. Go find new people.

Change is stressful, you're taking awesome steps. Don't be hard on yourself, motivation will come back and friends now will be closer bc they're connecting with the real you.

Love yourself so you can love others.

American?
I've never believed in God, nor have I been vilipended for not believing. Even people of other faiths who are fully aware I'm atheist concidere me as a friend.
My parents brought me up as a Christian, but they're not bothered one bit.
I couldn't imagine someone being upset buy my lack of beliefs.
But religion isn't taken seriously in England by around galc of the population.

Repeating what another has written here, at least you are living in your truth. I call it "your truth" because truth is different for everyone. Our schools do not even teach us truth. If they did we would all have more respect for other people.

As for going back to school, try Googling something like " ways to go back to school with no money." Something might come up that will work for you..

There's nothing new in what you did. What you need to do is stop obsessing using pejorative language to describe your situation.