[fempositive.com]
I hate how some people in our society still blame women for being sexually harassed, ogled at, cat-called, etc., just because of how she’s dressed. Here’s one of my personal stories involving this.
Months and months ago, I did an internship at a Human Services agency which had all male clients. The attire for employees was business casual. I didn’t have many dress clothes, so I wore these black, thicker leggings I had. They weren’t revealing at all. To me, they were no different than wearing fitted pants (my counselor I saw at the time agreed with me when I told her this story).
A month into my internship, I was taken into the office by one of the directors and was told that my supervisor was noticing a lot of the men “ogling me.” I didn’t even notice at all. I get lost in my own world often.
To get right to the point, she basically told me that my leggings were the reason why a lot of the men were staring at me, and told me I can’t wear them anymore. She also told me that they normally don’t allow leggings as part of the dress code. Why wait a whole month to tell me that? I felt so embarrassed and self conscious after that.
I went out to Goodwill and bought a few “new” pants that were very baggy. I also was more observant now. When I started wearing my baggy pants there, I noticed that some of the men were STILL STARING AT ME! (Not all of the men. Some were amazing clients).
Is it unreasonable to think.... Why not talk to your clients about healthy boundaries with new female interns, staring, ogling, good behavior, bad behavior, etc.....instead of strictly just putting the blame on me and my clothes? I didn’t say that but I wanted to.
I understand that there’s a certain dress code, which is fine; however, when I started wearing the baggy pants not much changed. If you’re a woman, has anything similar like this happen to you? What are your thoughts on this? What can we do in our society to make women less sexualized? This is especially goes for America, where I live.
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26 comments (26 - 26)
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.Dear Veronika Ann, Aren't you pleased when people admire your physical attributes?
nicknotes
Level 8
Aug 4, 2020
0
@Gwendolyn2018 The difference between European women and American women is startling. In general, compliment a beautiful European, and she beams. It gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling. Makes me feel like a 'man.' I immediately loosen up. They are also very forthcoming with compliments.
I suggest it is our Puritan 'heritage' which accounts for the difference. Relations between the sexes in the U.S. more closely resemble a war zone.
@Gwendolyn2018 But you won't address my larger point? That we're possibly victims of an oppressed, suppressed and repressed culture rooted in Calvinistic thinking? According to which the ethos is, sex is bad, cardinal desire is sinful, even evil in some contexts (extramarital, gay, etc.)? And I'm talking about all of it, including the catcalls.
European culture is much more secular.
@Storm1752 When you compliment Euro women what exactly are you saying ? eg Do you say "you have the most beautiful breasts, I would love a taste of those luscious melons?" Or are you saying "what a lovely dress, it suits you perfectly".
@MsDemeanour More like the latter...but of course not anything creepy, and not for some ulterior motive, like 'omg if I say something suggestive I might be able to get in her pants.' By the way, I also compliment men, knowing there are some things you can say other things you can't. And I'm not trying to get in THEIR pants. Yes, there's distinctions to be made between what is an 'appropriate' compliment and what is a blatantly sexist remark (which isn't really a compliment at all) but C'mon! Now we have to be afraid to say nice things to people? I'm not talking about the catcalls and the obviously stupid and hostile-things-disguised-as-compliments some creep spews as a passive-agressive slur, but just simple nice things. If these women put so much time and effort into their appearance, you'd think they'd want all that hard work rewarded and celebrated. Again, I see the distinctions being made here. I don't ogle, I don't make dumb remarks, in fact I don't normallycompliment women on their looks because they'll almost certainly regard it as a come-on. All of this is regrettable. As usual, it's the creeps and criminals amoung us who set the pace.
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