Joanna the goanna can easily eat about 20 snails a day but she also has my resident family of Shingle-backed lizards to contend with with it comes to the snail problem.
This is a photo of Joanna the goanna, she kind of 'adopted' my house and yards after I found her suffering from starvation and thirst trying to drink from my garden pond about 8 years or more ago.
I snapped the photo when my young nephew, Henry, had his very first encounter with and was hand-feeding her.
Joanna is now a very 'plump' goanna who measures out at approx. 6' long from nose tip to tail tip.
Not bad for one who was only about 18" long and near to death when she first arrived.

Your ducks and chickens eat christians?

@Triphid She's beautiful! What a treat to be able to have her around.

@Triphid, @PondartIncbendog I suppose they would if I chopped them up into manageable portions .

@Joanne Yeah, about 99% of the time, except for when she DECIDES that it is fun to sun-bathe on the front path and refuses to move when visitors arrive.
Though, having said that, she IS a great Anti-God-Botherer deterrent when she does it though.

This !!!

Or his leg....

Probably enjoyed the cooling wet goo on his toes.

And mention that trees are doing the same thing every spring! Hold that, he might cut them down in the name of The Lord...

So, its life?

That is a GREAT idea!

Like that idea but with my body shape these days, hmmm.
Maybe I should play ABBA music instead of the usual stuff that I do when I'm in the garden working OR even give him a copy "Priscilla, Queen of the Desert" as a Xmas gift?

@Triphid I like playing do wop of the sixties. But only when I'm pissed. So, I listen to it every day. Neighbors told me they heard the coyotes howling. I am insulted. I was singing.

@Triphid Hedwig and the Angry Inch would also make a nice (insert pagan holiday name here) present. Gotta cover all of your bases when trying to make him go a bit bonkers, right?
While I feel bad for your dealings with him, they do bring me a good laugh while I shake my head.

@racocn8...that is so true. Many become priests for that reason. They bend for each other

Ewww

@Triphid yuck

@TimeOutForMe He immediately tore up ALL the lawns and gardens with a Bobcat when he arrived and set about paving (??) the grounds with a mix of finely crushed rock and cement powder which he saturates with water and then compacts it all down with this noisy, petrol powered compacting device.
A few weeks ago, when we copped 2 and a half inches of rain (our first decent rain in nearly 5 years), because he, who claims to be a qualified Stone Mason and Builder, excavated the level of the ground down to about 18"- 2' sloping from the street towards his back fence SUDDENLY discovered that his entire back yard was underwater.
Now he has solar panels on his roof and wants to me to cut down a Cyprus Pine tree, at a guess 100+ years old, in MY Yard no less simply because it throws a shadow over HIS solar panels in the very late afternoon.
The tree does NOT encroach on his property in any way, it is a home to birds all year round, stands, roughly, some 30 feet high and it has a trunk diameter of approx. 4 to 4 and a half feet.
He has 2 chances of me cutting it down, S.F.A. (Sweet F--k All) and Bugger All.

@Pralina1 Exactly my own thoughts.
The centre photo is his Evaporative Air Cooler system btw, he has spent, in my rough estimation, well over 2,500 dollars so far on replacing parts, the Water pump, etc, etc, and still it doesn't cool his down during the summer heats of 40 or more degree temperatures.
IF he listened to me, he could have replaced it completely, as I did with mine when the original one failed after 30+ years of service, but purchasing a frame, etc, from one that had been removed from a house that was being demolished, revamping it slightly with new filter pads and in summers having a house where the internal temp. is a nice comfortable 18 to 20 degrees Celsius and NO messy ducting, etc, covered with tarpaulins and masses of Duct tape and rubbish.
My revamped one cost me $300.00 and a few hours of work.

@Triphid yip you don't have to cut your tree down. As you say it doesn't encroach onto his property....and no municipality can make you do that either. He should've positioned his solar panels smartly. He has created a slum on his property. If he still had his garden, the water would've seeped through the ground but "the clever" got himself flooded on his own property.. This man needs to admit to himself that he needs to see a psychologist or perhaps straight to the psychiatrist.

@Triphid So, Mr crazy pants installed solar panels under a tree? Smart guy.

@PondartIncbendog No, not exactly under a tree, but knew my Cyprus pine was there long before he installed the panels.
Kind of like his 'brilliant (LOL)' idea, a few years back, of putting roof insulation on the OUTSIDE of his roof to stop the heat from warming up the corrugated iron sheeting on the roof..
He even used sail cloth to hold it down, that lasted until the Spring when we get very strong, gusty winds, then everyone spent the spring try to clean up his insulation from their yards and gardens.

I reckon they'd make far sense with their silence than he could with words any day.

Or, " Tales from the Sex Lives of Escargot" LOL.

Bailey and Daley, The Gay Snails - the cartoon

Answer: because they are fucked up in the head!