Totally agree with you there twill. Tho it's been quite lonely, in other ways Covid has been a relief for me from the online dating grind. I got so sick of the "interview" first meetings for coffee, which were often preceded by women who insisted on trading lots of messages first before they could decide if I might be worth meeting. Those e-mails thru the dating site were also too often interviews of sorts. Nobody likes being subjected to a prolonged series of interviews whether the process is job-seeking or online dating. I don't see meeting someone who might like me and has some interest already as a waste of my time, I have plenty of that as a retiree. What I won't do is waste my money, even tho I can afford it, on women who want me to buy them a dinner or two as part of the dating process before they decide if they think I'm a match. They need to have their own money, same as me, and be just as willing to invest it in their dating process by buying their own meals.

@DaisyMaeNot I wish you were the norm, rather than the exception.

It is a slang term meaning Extremely drunk, especially to the point of being uncoordinated or out of control. Most likely derived from nautical terminology, in which a "sheet" is the rope that controls the sails of a tall ship; if several sheets are loose or mishandled, the boat's movement becomes unsteady and difficult to control, like that of a drunk person.

[idioms.thefreedictionary.com]

Thanks for your thoughts on the matter.

I will say I've toned down my dating efforts this month (Oct, 2020) from previous months. As I do agree, in the very definition of insanity..

I've been spending the last few months working on improving my physical health and it is something I'll continue to do for however long I live (or I remain in my current organic body). Still, dating for men on dating sites is significantly different to the experience the "fairer sex" will experience. In general the experience is very different in almost all social settings. While in the past I may have had several of the desirable traits I'm told potential partners are looking for. I have several cognitive differences from the "normies" that have set me back (or best defined as set me apart) for my peers.

Needless to say, this "difference" and the dynamics of dating networks means that while a woman gets 100s of matches most men (unless in the top 10%) will get little to none. So when you get a match and any kind of response. Those seeking put considerable energy into seeing it through. My sis was dating for a few years before Covid hit (She’s a trauma center nurse and department head so now she almost never sleeps nor has a day off). She shared her experience on the dating site and even though 100s of matches she only went out on about 20 dates over that time. I only met one guy she dated for about four months… It didn’t pan out.. But I won’t get into that.

The best way to illustrate this is to simply compare a tigris in a lush fertile jungle full of prey. She routinely sees and can pray upon hoards of monkeys, gazelles, and birds, etc. Her cup runneth over with selection and choice and some prey is so eager they simply lay down in her path.

Juxtaposition to the solitary prairie dog (though I'd like to think of myself as a honey badger as I had it’s temperament for a long time.. haha!) out on the lone prairie seeking out basic necessities like water and food in a sea of grass and stones. Rarely does he see other animals let alone other prairie dogs. So when such an opportunity occurs he’ll take it otherwise he’ll go another season on his burrow alone (boohoo). This scarcity can make you do stupid things out of a misguided since of “missing out” or lack of physical or emotional intimacy.

Of course, I have learned that the scratch very well is not worth the itch in many cases.

Anywho, I go tired at explaining and illustrating my perceptions of the very different reality that the sexes live within. I have recently renewed my study and observations of social dynamics, motivations, and “traps” that the different sexes use on one another. I have come to accept that “It” is what it is and for better or worse I have to learn to navigate the paradoxical divide of human social dynamics. I agree with you, even if the “pick’ns” are few I should be more discriminating as to who I put my energy, time, and resources toward.

This very same dismay, disappointment and disgust is why I stopped dating over 10+ years ago. It is only because of a health scare and having to face the very real possibility of death that having survived I had a renewed desire to pair bond. Having worked from home for over seven years my already small social circle had become even smaller with the advent of the Covid scare. All of my friends have moved on to their own “little realities” having found mates and popped out children. I have found that being single precludes you from being invited to social gatherings and events more so.. Being the “odd man out” is quite literal it would seem.

So yes, I am attempting to “do something different” by trying different dating networks and my gut is telling me that until social group meetups resume. The opportunities to meet and interact with a larger sampling of people won’t get me any meaningful connections. So perhaps I should wait. And continue to be patient… forever patient.

It does make me sad, regretful in some sense. But honestly, that is my own problem not a potential friend or mate’s. And as I have found (as have several of my friends I keep in contact with) such a feeling won’t go away nor be replaced by another. It is about learning self love and self respect and this can find balance regardless if one is with one or many partners or alone.

This topic I know, this duality I’ve already experienced in life for both pleasure and pain.
So I should know better. Perhaps I will reflect upon this in my next mediation session?

I can say, I have been intensely studying sensual massage and erogenous stimulation and would thoroughly enjoy that opportunity to master the technique. Sadly, there are several intimacy and personable steps one must take before a potential partner would be willing to experience such acts. I am hopeful that I can gain emotional and sexual gratification upon giving these techniques to a partner soon (crosses fingers). It is this sense of intimacy that I feel I’ve lacked over 10+ years and it has given me cyclical bouts of depression which I’m doing my best to combat.

It is not who we find nor their actions that greatly matter. Rather it is how I choose to respond that ultimately determines the outcome. I will continue to try to balance my emotional and intellectual curiosity of social dynamics and set my expectations (that are already horribly low) even lower.

Wishing you your best on your journey and successes in understanding and finding happiness.

Cheers.

Honey Badger Anthem

I think the best parts of your post were these points: "The opportunities to meet and interact with a larger sampling of people won’t get me any meaningful connections. So perhaps I should wait. And continue to be patient… forever patient... And as I have found (as have several of my friends I keep in contact with) such a feeling won’t go away nor be replaced by another. It is about learning self love and self respect and this can find balance regardless if one is with one or many partners or alone."

I know it can be difficult. I am no master myself. I also went out on dates with guys I would otherwise not be interested in or attracted to since I was holed in my apartment for so long. But then it comes down to my choices and what I prioritized at the time: having a social life and being away from the home for extended periods of time. I was bound to experience at least some disappointment with such underlying motivators driving me. It is a good thing you have recognized this in yourself as well and are working on self love as well as patience.

As for the tigris analogy it all depends on the woman. Contrary to what most straight men think, not everyone woman is receiving hundreds of messages a day. That also is reserved for like the top 50% of women. There are variables like older age or being a single mom or having kids or being overweight or being not conventionally attractive that limits womens' options as well. Sure the worst off man is having more difficulty than the worst off woman, BUT the best or top tier men are doing better than the worse off women as well. It's not a simple dichotomy it's a nuanced spectrum.

Wish you the best in your journey as well.