Have you ever felt bad for being a little selfish? As I’m becoming a Human Service professional, (graduate this Spring), and match the personality for it naturally, many acquaintances treat me like their free therapist.
Although I really do appreciate people trusting me with their problems, it becomes so overwhelming. Recently, an old friend that I haven’t talked to in years, randomly texted me out of the blue and bombarded me with long text messages about all his drama with his wife, how he’s unhappy with her, money issues, and so on and so forth.
I felt so overwhelmed by just reading the text messages. I also have so much going on in life and have so much of my own family drama going on, myself. I told him...
“I’m sorry for the late reply and appreciate you trusting me enough, but I’m just not sure I can handle anymore extra drama or stress.” He said that he doesn’t have anyone to talk to and I feel bad for shooing him away... am I in the wrong here?
The thing is... is that I haven’t talked to him in years. And he was the one who stopped talking to me when he got married and had a kid. I would like to rekindle the friendship, but like I mentioned above... I don’t think I can mentally be his friend at this moment.
He never replied back to me after I discussed with him that I don’t really want to be involved with all that. Especially the wife drama. Many other people have done this to me before too. Just hit me up after not talking to me in months or even years and treat me like their therapist.
I feel bad sometimes for putting myself before other as I once had no one either. Am I being mean or rude? Any thoughts would be much appreciated 
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4 comments
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.I don't think you should feel bad at all.
When people have a programming job, they get lots of questions about computers and people asking them to fix their computer. same with auto mechanics or doctors. These things are bad enough but I would say you have extra reason to NOT feel bad.
Your mental health comes first. Its great to be able to have a skill that you can help your friends with, when you can and are willing, but its not an obligation. There are services available, he can get a therapist.
I think perhaps you could offer to recommend to them a good therapist, or even better my suggestion would be to write up a explanation and save it and copy/paste a version of that whenever you run into this problem, letting them down easy and linking to a article or a video with a guide to finding a good therapist.
Something like "I got into this job because I love helping people, and I still love to, however it is also a very emotionally taxing job and after working all days and hearing about all sorts of traumatic and emotional stories, I don't have enough reserves to be a therapist to all of my friends, which saddens me because I wish I could. I would love to be able to help you, but since I can't Id like to be able to at least provide you with this link with information on finding a therapist or whatever support you need."
SirLogan
Level 3
Dec 19, 2020
0
No. This guy comes from out of the blue with all this drama that's his bullshit, not yours. Did he even care that you might be facing challenges yourself? If you don't feel like dealing with it, don't feel guilty. He may have an ulterior motive for coming to you with all this. If you're not feeling it, steer clear of the guy, you'll probably be better off. His problems may be of his own doing.
barjoe
Level 9
Dec 17, 2020
0
I think I know where you are coming from here.
I've been a Child/Youth crisis Counselor for well over 20+ years now, the last 15+ years I've been doing it all on a Pro Bono basis and as semi-retired voluntary basis as well.
I've lost count, thankfully, of the numbers of times where I've been used as FREE therapist for those with 'so-called' problems that could easily be solved/rectified with little more than a bit of thinking/consideration, etc, rather than merely using me as a sounding post.
One such case that I remember quite clearly is the one where a man came up to me seeking a solution to the 'problem' of his partner, a male btw, of farting in bed and NOT picking up his clothing BEFORE going to bed.
Now HOW on Earth can a Social Worker, Psychologist, Counselor be expected to find a solution to that when, like I have, more often than not, had actual REAL clients who are in REAL need of my assistance I do not know?
I have had and still have 'clients,' some as young as 5 or 6 years of age who are so deeply troubled that they either considered suicide or have even attempted it at least once or more times, yet this person is 'toubled' by something so minor and even trivial.
Imo, there SEEMS to be a kind of 'fashionable trend' in the U.S.A. for people to seek out Therapy, Psychological, etc, etc, for even the most trivial things, things that, imo, CAN be resolved by mere interaction, thought, consideration, etc, etc. WITHOUT external help.
Stick with it friend, do your best and work on developing what I call my " Empathy Sensor system".
After a while and practicing, it seems to automatically 'sniff out' the real and distinguish it from the Psycho-somatic.
Triphid
Level 9
Dec 17, 2020
0
My response would have been to seek professional help.
jlynn37
Level 8
Dec 17, 2020
1
@VeronicaAnn Another always apropos is "sending thoughts and prayers".
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