I'm happy for you!

You should give her driving lessons! That would be sooo exciting!

@HeraTera Tried that. Didn't take. Since we got married, our son was conceived, gestated, born, went to daycare, preschool, elementary school, middle school, is now in high school, and he got his driver's license almost a year ago. . . So I give up. I made a bad choice and am stuck with it.

@Otterpop She needs one of those self-driving cars once they get the bugs worked out of them

@OnaM I lived in Colorado from 1990 until 1994.

@OnaM As many times as I've wanted to move to Colorado, I haven't because toxic masculinity seems as big there as in North Carolina. Sigh.

@OnaM Heard! Yet a woman with those qualities is supposed to be genuinely attracted to him and not a golddigger? That's the toxic masculinity I'm referring to. It's pie in the sky ego.

@hemingwaykitten, @OnaM

I'm sure there's someone around who's worthwhile. I have definitely seen what you're talking about, but I've seen some good guys too. I know you'll probably think at first that I don't see the same side of guys that women do, but they don't try to hide it from other men. Often they're proud of their ignorance.

@JimG Thank you for your viewpoint and encouragement. Here's my issue with the men you describe: if I was attracted to a man proud of his ignorance, I'd have been off the market long ago and committed to a gun totin Evangelical who wanted to keep me barefoot, pregnant, cooking and cleaning for life while he sat on his ass and drank PBR's. No thanks!! I'm pretty good at articulating what I want, and men who pretend to be ignorant are abhorrent to me. It's a wonder all such men aren't living in their Mommy's basement.

Who aren't easily intimidated what what or whom?

@SweetHarp If it doesn't, I'm screwed and never dating again.

Me too!

Whenever I hear this coming from a straight man's mouth I wonder if he's a leech looking for a Sugar Mama. Sorry, that's past experience talking, not about you personally.

@hemingwaykitten fair enough but ya see the thing is most women I encounter are looking for a sugar daddy..Now I make good money, own two cars and a house(at 28 I'd say I'm doing good)

My need for a sugar mamma isn't exactly dire..I say I want a strong independent woman because I'm looking for someone who can contribute to the relationship both financially and to help shoulder the responsibilities involved.

Keep in mind that first part isn't meant to encompass all women out there I know that what I've enounctered doesn't represent the entirety of the female population...Just with the areas I've lived in for the past few years the term "dependapotomus" is fairly accurate for quite a few.

@josh23452 I believe you and I know women wanting Sugar Daddies are a plague on this country. Have you considered your dream woman will probably make at most 78 cents to your dollar, so things won't ever be exactly equal?

@hemingwaykitten i don't require 50/50..I just require...Something one of my measures for a dateable woman is this..

If we go for dinner and a movie,I'll get dinner but it's nice if she gets the movie..Or even if it's just getting a cup of coffee..If the balance is 70/30, that's fine too but that 30 better be 100% of what you can do.

However it's not all about the finances and for that I'm gona tell you a story.

While I was in the Navy, one of the women I dated, we had been seeing each other for about a year and decided it was high time to get a place together...Unfortunately I had to go out to sea for a month and I asked my lady to look for some places,not just online but physically go out and look around for rental properties...

So while I'm at sea working 12 hours a day, in the middle of the Pacific Ocean with the world's worst internet access, I would still find the time to look for places,talk to land lords and property owners, trying to find a suitable place...I get back and whilst talking to my lady I ask if she has found anything

She hadn't even looked...

Now it shouldn't of been possible for me to put more effort into that project..Not while I was where I was..Thats what I am talking about.

@josh23452 I get it. Good story. Why were you attracted to her? She comes off as lazy and not too bright. More importantly, why would you assume you'll find those negative qualities in most other women? It comes off a little hostile to women who are nothing like her.

@hemingwaykitten well at first we hit it off just fine and her laziness wasn't so apparent at first..

And I never said anything to the affect of lumping all women into that category I just said I like strong independent women and to further it I said I want a woman who can contribute to building the relationship and can help (at least in some way with the finances..

Again I never said anything assuming that was a quality in all women.

You make odd assumptions my friend...First I say I like strong,independent women you take that to mean I want a sugar mama. I explain why I want a strong,independent woman and you say I must be talking shit about all women.

@josh23452 Fair enough. You could try being open about that relationship though, because "strong and independent" can be taken many different ways by different people. Your story, however, makes it crystal clear what you DON'T WANT, and why. Just a thought.

@hemingwaykitten. True I can see how strong can be taken several ways but I would think independent is pretty straight forward not to mention easily distinguished.

I can't stand NASCAR, having grown up in North Carolina. Other than that, where do I apply??

@hemingwaykitten You voted for Bernie, as far as I'm concerned you already made the cut.

Just remember that true intimacy takes some time and lots of trust.

HippyChick58 is right, you know. How soon in a relationship do you expect "true intimacy" to arrive? The timeline on her end depends on how many men have abused her trust.

Thank you for these comments. But these comments are all based on the assumption that time brings people together. I do not believe that is what matters. I have waited for years for true intimacy to come forth. Many times it does not, in the rare occasion it happens on the first meeting. Any good counselor will tell you that time is not the key but progress. If there is a continuous progression, even if very gradual, toward it then it might be worth waiting for but there needs to be progress from the start. Otherwise it is like waiting on an alcoholic to get sober. AwarenessNow, you are so right it takes vulnerability, so I say submit to the universe from the start. But not many follow through.