Hahahaha well it's tough to hit that cigarette with this walker in grip!

Woe is me... I forgot to drink my prune juice today.

Yeah I just enjoy being vague and unstalkable until I get to know a person. ... Then they are free to stalk me. Hahaha

@Sadoi The best way to quit smoking is to have oral sex when you get the craving to smoke.

Why thank you kindly leutrelle.

the STUPIDEST part is that i did not smoke AT ALL until the mid 2000's. I started when my roommate Christopher was smoking something that smelled Lovely... it was these assholes: Vanilla Djarum's. I was doomed. I smoked them exclusively until I quit.

When I began smoking again, years later, Djarum's had been made illegal to sell in the state of Michigan so... waaaaa waaaaa... i went to Marlboro Smooths because they tasted like Ande's mints. From there, eventually when i decided menthols were annoying, I moved to Camel Crush to ween myself from the menthol and then i jumped into bed with Marlboro Southern Cuts and i love them. Too much. (sniff sniff)

@Sadoi I understand. A lot of people smoke out side at my office and there are times that that smoke smells so good. Try to be strong. It's tough, but it's worth it.

@LEPeff i shall soldier on...

@Sadoi Mmm... vanilla cigs sound soooo good. Never heard of that before. Damn you!

Tomorrow will be day 17. Uugh. HEEELP MEEEE BUUUUDDDHAAAA!!!

falls on ground

@Sadoi
One day at a time.. you can do it..
Do you know a good mantra ????

By the way, 17 is my birthday number !!!!

@Buddha I'm trying! Haha the taste of cigs themselves sort of make me want to puke, at least they did toward the end so that does help a bit. Lol.

Oh, I'm 11. 8-11.

@Sadoi
hey, I quit in 95... but , I must admit , I had to stay away from bars and alcohol for a bit.
But, when it starts being a bit repulsive , you're on your way.
Always remember..
You can't have even one...
That's true...
Really, hang in there.....
Also, keep thinking
Smokers get wrinkly skin
Also true...

@Buddha well... shit soo... i still have no wrinkles though. no crows feet. no laugh lines. no forehead wrinkles. hmm... nothing. and im not super young either. my photos are all new to fairly new and if i started announcing my age, im not sure how many would believe me. In my day to day life, i get enough of the condescending bullshit so... ive grown used to it.

I Still get freakin carded for cigs. Now THAT IS ridiculous at my age.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!

Yeah! Didnt you hear?!! Im Smokin' Hot!!!

@Sadoi Who doesn't know that...hehe

@JohnnyThorazine heehee...

I shall remain silent. zips le lips

Oh god sis. I feel like im crawling out of some damn hole... with muddy walls... haha!

Its getting to that "oh my fuck! its almost 17 days Ari!! And you Want a cig becuase you are an addict! But Ari, the real need has passed many days ago... its JUST the habit now."

Arg! My body understands it. Too bad my fucking BRAIN isn't always on board!

@Sadoi sis it's been 3 years for me and I still get cravings..but it gets easier,and the cravings pass quicker...so your doing great!

@Charlene yeah... i know what you are saying is the truth. i just... hee hee... yeah yeah i will hear shit for this but... I NEED SOMETHING TO prop between my lips! Right now im using candycanes. HAHA

I should buy some of those FAKE CANDY CIGS!!!!

@Sadoi hmmm....Let me ponder on what might ...er...fill that need.

You and me Both!

I do have the urge, but thus far, my stubborn mule like attitude has pushed me to continue to snub the cigs. I was even Offered them by friends used to me smoking who ASSumed i was just out. I said no. It was tough, but im also competative... WITH MYSELF believe it or not! haha!

I keep telling myself, "The ONLY ONE you need to beat here is YOURSELF ari! BEAT YOURSELF!! with a stick, preferably, so you Stop THINKING about fucking CIGARETTTTTEEEES!!!"

I finally allowed my own incompetence to piss me off at Myself. I said to myself, "you are addicted to something. There is SOMETHING you are Co-dependent upon and that makes you Weak! Anything that can control you is a weakness, other than my own children. A Cig isnt anywhere NEAR the same class as my children are Yet they control me. FUCK THIS SHIT! Its not About the CIG ARI! Its about THE CONTROL ARI!!! I want NOTHING to control me... to hold Sway over me... ever... and This Shit Controls You Woman!"

That was the heart to heart i had with myself and... it pretty much worked.

I got all pissed off at myself. HAHAHAHA! And rather than talk myself down and go through self control, I opted instead to get FULLY PISSED OFF at myself. And i forced myself to focus on HOW MUCH Lack of Control I have and... for someone like me... being out of Self Control TOTALLY flips my shit.

And i stopped that night.

16 days later... im STILL Pissed at myself. But Hey! Its Doing the Trick so far!

@Sadoi whichever way works for you, you may follow that. But, at the end of the day as you said its about taking back the control of your life. I am with you in that.

@Srijith exactly.

Once something controls me, be it a drug, a food a person... ANYTHING... i have Got to cut that shit off! I cannot do it. I cannot handle Knowing something has the wheel and im kinda there for the ride. Not Cool in Ari-land. lol

So yeah, being pissed at having an addiction, a vice... that seems to be working for me thus far. I keep getting irritated at myself whenever i crave a cig. I tell myself, "you fucking pansy!! you are going to ALLOW THAT CIG to Control YOU??? You are going to Allow that cigarette to FORCE your hand?? Force your Will?? Stop being a pussy and stop giving your power up so fucking EASY, ARI! This will eventually kill you... and yeah you can say "Anything can Kill me" or get annoyed at others who encourage me to stop and act like it justifies my reason to smoke by taking the REBEL angle... OR you can be Fucking Honest with yourself and say 'This is Freakin OUT OF Cooontrooool' Stop Making Excuses and Next Time you WANT to light one up, think about your THREE MINOR CHILDREN... Then Take A HIT ARI!"

soo thats what ive been doing to myself. pretty much... hahahah

@Srijith oh yeah, and then i tell myself i am SELFISH if i can do that knowing my children have no desire to see their mother playing chicken with her life every time she lights a cigarette.

I can be tough on myself and take No Shit from myself as well. Its how ive gotten my ass to do All the shit ive done for my entire life. I won't allow myself to bullshit myself to a certain extent and i Wont give myself freeby excuses.

I think there comes a point where you realize Denial is only an excuse to being Weak. I always say I Want my Own children to be Stronger people and to Understand Redemption... yet I Dont even Redeem myself in such a matter as this?

Sort of makes me a Sorry Ass Example if i start giving myself Free Passes at this phase in life. Im SUPPOSED to go Forwards... Not Backwards.

Thank you my friend!! I am hanging in there. It suuucks righ tnow, buuut... uuugh im trying! FUUUCK!! hahah

@Sadoi My money is on you.

@GipsyOfNewSpain awww I love your faith in me, my friend

I went many years without, but each time i had a break up, i went back. Actually two break ups. With the first break up I only smoked about 4 months then i quit again. I was single for years, all was fine, then i got into another relationship, had some babies, no smoking. When we broke up 7 years later, boom! CIGS!!!

I said i would stop again once i got over the break up. Uhh... well, that was... over two and a half years ago... and the cigs became my NEWEST lover! lol!!

Greaaaat!! right?

Sooo right now... its my THIRD BREAK UP Jnei!!! (

Yeah, i mean, cumulatively speaking, this last 2.5 year post-break up smoking stint is the Longest Ive smoked in total than i did from 2004-2015.

So in 2.5 years, i made up for the amount i smoked in over a decade since a VAST majoritie of those years (2004-2015) i did not smoke. But the last 2 1/2 years... fuuck! i DID smoke! Waay too much!

I am actually a Gum Addict under Normal circumstances, but Gum and Hard Candy (despite the fact that i dislike most candies and sweets) ive been hyperactive over at this point.

And thank you

@Sadoi I went through this over 20 years ago. It was finally willpower that got me through the final quit.
I'm pretty sure I almost tried to smoke a Bic Pen at one point? (White and hollow) - but I got through.

Best of luck to you. Also food will smell amazing in just a few months!

@RavenCT I cook aaall the time and food still rocks for me. Maybe I got lucky or I'm eating off memory of flavor?? Hahaha

I've been chewing pens like a psychopath btw!

I think my stubbornness will aid me in quitting which I made mention of somewhere in the comments below.

Currently I'm competing with myself Against myself over having developed an addiction. Lol

@Sadoi Chewing pens.... I might yet try that! lol

@bingst I've seen people sucking on those white bic pens with the back cover off - and than forget and pull a lighter out. Don't do that. Don't light up a bic pen! lol

Thank you!! I'm pulling along... arrrrg... lol

Terrible. I love it.

thats what happens whenever you are Flamin' Hot! hahahaha!

@Sadoi I just could not resist my current post Spontaneous Human Combustion

@azzow2 Now see... then they CAN say i died from SMOKING, but not in the Traditional Sense of the words! HAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHA

@Sadoi It takes some time you will feel better is a long road to hoe for sure.

@azzow2 it's mostly frustrating. Uggh

@Sadoi Pumpkin seeds helped me a lot.