Why would you not respond to a private message? I at least acknowledge the message, even if it's just to say "thank you". Have the rules to polite society changed?
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28 comments
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.Private messaging is for people I know (and like). If I don’t know you, then I’m under no obligation (social or otherwise) to respond.
Benthoven
Level 8
Apr 18, 2018
8
I see
BTW, chivalry or even politeness is dead for most.
Dreamrider
Level 6
Apr 18, 2018
4
Made me think of this
@Comrade_Yam hahahaha
I would try not to worry too much or be concered to be honest .. What other people do can often seem mysterious or rude.. Sometimes they don't even realise they are doing it ! 
It is weird but so is the human race generally and you will be less troubled accepting the weirdness.
Nickbeee
Level 8
Apr 18, 2018
5
Yup. Seems everybody is weird except me
Respectfully, I think it depends. Since I am a greeter on this site, I get a LOT of PM's that are just responses to my greeting (which is automated by the website). Since these are usually just responses (and not anything more than saying Hello or Thanks) I don't answer back. However, if the writer has a question on something, I try hard to answer.
Of course, sometimes life gets in the way of answering quickly, and sometimes PM's fall through the cracks, so to speak.
DerekD
Level 7
Apr 18, 2018
3
Hmm, you're really just talking about this site, not behaviors all over the internet, right? That's how read it, but it seems a lot of comments are going beyond this context.
Like you, I at least acknowledge the message. I think perhaps some people really don't want to be drawn into any kind of conversation, so won't respond at all. I guess it essentially comes down to self-centered thinking, which tends to preclude politeness to others.
bingst
Level 8
Apr 18, 2018
3
Ugh 'the rules to polite society' should be thrown in the fire, drowned in the ocean and tossed in a volcano.
You are not entitled to a response. If I have nothing I feel I can reply with or if you said something that left me uncomfortable you ARE NOT OWED A RESPONSE.
LadyAlyxandrea
Level 8
Apr 18, 2018
4
two different things, LadyA: if it makes the receiver uncomfortable the sender definitely isn't owed a response.
If you simply have nothing to say, OMG ACKNOWLEDGE it!!! Why wouldn't you or anybody at least send a 'hey, hope you're having a good day' ???? you never know what's going on on the other end. And WOW what a boost to someone else to get a real response from another human being. This isn't about the 'rules of polite society' this is just basic compassion and human decency.
@crazycurlz it doesn't matter. You are NEVER ENTITLED to a response. It doesn't matter if you think it's more kind to reply, you are not entitled to one.
@crazycurlz you arent even entitled to a reason WHY.
@LadyAlyxandrea I don't think it's KIND to reply. I know it's COMPASSION to reply. I'm sorry you don't know the difference...yet. I hope you learn it in this lifetime. Having compassion makes the world a better place.
@crazycurlz but it is still not something you have a right to. Sorry you don't seem to understand that.
agree to disagree. thank you
@LadyAlyxandrea Are you content with your life?
@helionoftroy is anyone ever? You asked, I answered. It is not my problem if others dislike it. Maybe put a disclaimer: "please only comment if you agree with me and have the same views as me. I'm not interested in differing points of view"
jeez and MY generation are the entitled ones ?
Yes, a lot of people are content, I am. I welcome differing views. Isn't that what this community is about? It's funny how you became defensive with my simple question and then attempted to blame me for your negative response. Most of your posts are negative and argumentative so I asked if you were content because you seem to be very unhappy in life. Which is sad because we only get one.
@LadyAlyxandrea YES, LadyA, many of us are content. But I certainly wasn't when I was younger...I had to work for it. The problem is not that you answered it and I disagree with your answer. The problem is that you equate 'polite society' with core values of compassion and empathy. I don't respond to others' emails because of politeness. Societies rules are set up to control and contain us as individuals. I respond to others because there are real people on the other end. YES if I get an odd offputting message I protect my boundaries and cut it short. But you are young and to be so dismissive about interpersonal relating doesn't bode well for you either. I am close with a lot of twenty somethings and overall they are a warm and welcoming bunch. The ones that are dismissive of others are the ones I worry about. Sorry to have come off so strong because I didn't do a good job of getting my point across but I do care about how you answered this, do care about the quality of your life, too. We're all in this crazy world together
Lol at @crazycurlz. Hysterically consistent with a simple mindset. SMH. She's a troll, guys.
@helionoftroy 1) I am not always negative and argumentative. In fact I'm very much less so on here. 2) happiness has nothing to do with the question or my response. You were simply looking for a reason to judge me. 3) walk a mile in my shoes and maybe you'd understand WHY I'm not content, not that that hat has anything to do with why you aren't entitled to a response. 4) a polite society is simply a bunch of fake, manipulative, judgemental people telling you how to live your life and ignoring your basic right of making your own decisions. It's fake. It's disingenuous. Nothing irritates me more than the rules of a fake society.
It's not argumentative. It's my feelings. To criticize or devalue my opinions and feelings is not okay, so yeah, I get defensive.
@cvccosplay flattery will get you everywhere
@crazycurlz Lady, you are ornery.
You are argumentative,
You are downright rude.
And I love it!
@Gareth hmmm...funny thing is, I'd never be called ornery or rude in person. I have a soothing, friendly aura in a pretty extensive community. I'm a healer and a listener. Don't get me wrong, I don't hold back. Because of my gentleness, people assume that I will accept any behavior. But I don't. I'm assertive. I'm not backing away from your 'argumentative' description. I am unafraid of voicing my dissent and calling people out. I have clear boundaries and I advocate for others. It's not just my job, it's how I live and it's worked well for me and others.
To me, there's nothing okay with the vibe: 'your welfare is not my problem'. If someone reaches out, acknowledgment is often all people need. Basic acknowledgment, not politeness. What a different world it would be.
So, I accept your criticisms and the next time I'm ready to pounce, I'll consider how to temper my comments and make them more palatable. After all this is only 2 dimensions and no one here can see what my friends see: the gracious person with gentle but firm tones on this end.
LOL I'll have to temper it because I'm certainly not going to refrain. Thanks
@crazycurlz I'm already your biggest fan. Don't change a thing. You know I was ribbing you, right? 
@Gareth thanks for that, for circling back around and clarifying your point. You are likely someone I'd find interesting to know. When I become the center of attention I automatically self assess. I don't put together my comments for accolades. I forget sometimes that I'm an idealist, seeking one small change in the world: a move from carelessness with one another and self-preservation to empathy. It's a thankless task, really and this system I've created isn't perfect. But I won't change a thing because I can't. It's just part of my nature by now. have a good day, Gareth
@crazycurlz Have a GREAT day, crazycurlz
I just now had a message from a 23 year old female who claimed to want to know more about me because I had an interesting profile. Funny...I have a single sentence for a Bio and a single photo. It's like I don't even exist. So, I challenged the messenger and 'her' photos which were obviously 'shopped'. They were almost good but I'm an artist and they're obviously fake! So I told 'her' that I'll pass. And then I created a post specific to that. Maybe the Administration will check 'her' out to see if 'she' is a scammer. That's twice I've encountered that. All the other messages I have responded to and said hello.
farmboy2017
Level 7
Apr 18, 2018
4
We've had scammers here lately.
When I get an email like that I usually write back asking what it was in my profile that peaked their interest. They usually don't respond back. Or, in cases where I get the "nice picture" when I have none, I get really snarky and then block them.
Most definitely a scammer.
I don't follow the rules of polite society. I think they are generally silly and serve someone else not me. That said, I totally believe in being thoughtful and compassionate. I will always respond to a first email with warmth and acknowledgement, assuming there's a real human being on the other end. My response may be shallow if I'm not comfortable with their intent/intent is unclear. The communication may thin for various reasons but that's seldom due to a lack of interest.
crazycurlz
Level 7
Apr 18, 2018
2
I try to, but as a popular online persona, I get too many emails to respond to.
cvccosplay
Level 6
Apr 18, 2018
3
That's another thing. I wake up every morning to about 50 notifications, and even more get sent to me throughout the day.
It's a very real possibility to get lost in the shuffle.
wouldn't you want to hire someone to handle your customer service? just a thought.
@Comrade_Yam not really. the envelope gets flagged as opposed to the bell.
@crazycurlz No. That's silly. Maybe if my Patreon gets like 200 additional contributors I might hire someone, but honestly it's just fanmail and not actual business mail.
Yes, really. If I look at the list then all of the notifications are considered read. If, also, I get distracted (which is an all too common occurrence) then it's likely that unread message will sit unread until they message me again and I notice it.
I do what I do for fun. I don't get paid, and therefore cannot pay someone just to read Facebook messages.
hahaha my responses are never silly. I put effort into trying to figure out other peoples' dilemmas. okay, now I see your situation is work related and the OP is referring to personal emails here.
I owned my own business and I will never understand people who dismiss fanmail. That's silly especially because their input is how we grow and potentially how we get more clients. I would at the very least set up a standard response that goes out to every 'fan' acknowledging receipt of their email and appreciation for their interest.
On an unrelated note, your pic shows aloofness and arrogance. Is that consistent with your popular online persona?
@crazycurlz LOL Your responses are consistently silly at best. Judging by your pic, you likely don't have to deal with fetishists and creepy fan dudes who demand nudes from popular models/cosplayers, so... maybe consider that. I tend to respond to respectful people with informational inquiries who seem to be willing to toss money toward my cause. You would agree that's probably the best way to handle that situation. SMH
@cvccosplay I certainly wouldn't see it as a compliment to 'have to deal with fetishists and creepy fan dudes who...' We are apples and oranges, occupying different worlds. And, I don't read the SMH, Sidney Morning Herald, BTW
@crazycurlz Exactly. I try not to as much as possible, thus illustrating my initial response in this thread for you to finally understand. Tranny chasers everywhere, man, they're insatiable and relentless and sexualize everything. So maybe you can STFU now. 
@cvccosplay lol
Good girl.
I think non-response to PMs here stems from an increased sense of "ettiquette" on other sites where sending a PM can be considered very "forward." I think that's ridiculous and to ignore a PM is quite rude, unless the message was somehow inappropriate or rude to begin with.
IAMGROOT
Level 7
Apr 18, 2018
2
Often times guys will just PM “hi.” Sorry but I’m not going to respond to that.
@Marcie1974 That's reasonable. I should have added that the initial message had some substance. =]
I didn't sign up to be "greeted". I get that some people like to be welcomed with a message, but that's no reason the get indignant about no response.
If I didn't ask for the message, you don't have the right to get mad at me not responding.
Comrade_Yam
Level 4
Apr 18, 2018
1
I'm not opposed to it, I just don't care about it either. I have no doubts some people like it.
No one said anything about getting mad.Just curios about what reasons people used to not respond.
Then I misunderstood. Sometimes I just don't feel like it, but usually it's because I meant to and got distracted.
The only reason I can think of is if I get the weird feeling I'm being stalked. Some long messages give me a creepy feeling the sender is desperate or "off" somehow. Otherwise I would always say hello.
hemingwaykitten
Level 6
Apr 18, 2018
2
i have read the other comments and would like to add a different perspective. i have anxiety and depression. most of the time, i respond to everything, even when someone is just saying thanks and hi because im a greeter. but on occasion, either my anxiety or deppression will get the better of me. on those occasions, i may not respond. i just can't deal with people at the time. its nothing against that person, i just cant. and if i wait to long, then i worry if it would be weird to reply to a week old hello. that being said tho, i think if a person doesnt want to respond, for whatever reason, thats their choice. i don't think it indicates some kind of affront or disrespect. its just different strokes for different folks.
Byrd
Level 7
Apr 18, 2018
1
being ill and not responding is not the same as ignoring a person
Byrd:
@crazycurlz i understand that, but when the person hoping for a response doesnt know that, it can often be taken as simply being rude. i was only trying to give another possible reason for not responding that didnt involve being rude. i don't have this issue to often with folks who know me, but when it comes to new people, ive upset quite a few of them. i just wanted to show that sometimes its not that they don't like you. and either way, like i said, in most cases, i don't think its rude not to reply. maybe if its something like hey are you gonna be here on time? i could see not answering that as being rude, but if its just someone saying hi, or some new person wanting to meet you, i don't think theres any reason you should have to respond if you don't feel like it. to me no response is more neutral than rude. rude would be if they did message you back but like cussed you out just for saying hi.
As a greeter you must get tired of messaging. I can see that.
Byrd:
@helionoftroy nope, i look forward to each one. i usually just reply to the thank you messages with maybe a no worries or a my pleasure, and end it with have fun. but ive managed to meet a few nice folks thru greeting and im at a point in my life now where ive cleaned out all the bad apples in and have lots of room for meeting new folks. not saying i won't get tired of it some day, but for now it puts a smile on my face.
It kind of depends what the message is. Is it friendly, rude, or otherwise?
ArthurPhillips
Level 6
Apr 18, 2018
2
That’s it! When I send someone a message it’s because I’m curious about something they’ve said or something in their profile. I’m being friendly with no hidden agenda other than curiosity. I have no expectations towards anything romantic. I simply like making friends and will message men and women.
In some cases, I disagree. If it's someone I know, sure, I acknowledge, but a stranger? I'm not obligated to talk to people I don't know, especially on the internet. I get so many guys in my inbox telling me I'm beautiful or interesting or even fake accounts male and female. Most of these turn into solicitation for sextexting or more often some scammer trying to get me to send money. I don't respond to people I haven't at least had a conversation with in a space like this. Also, I don't respond if the conversation is over. Not always with bye. If I have no reply, I don't reply.
CindyHutchins
Level 4
Apr 18, 2018
2
You can always tell when it's a scammer. I moderate a dating site and there's a specific language scammers use every time. I laugh when I get a message from one so I play along and make a bet with myself how long it takes them to ask to chat elsewhere. Usually it's the 3rd message.
I answer all messaging. I have sent out a few that were never answered-inactive members-check last date they were on site.
sassygirl3869
Level 9
Apr 18, 2018
1
Often I will decline to reply if it doesn't add to the conversation. So I am one of those who may not even acknowledge the message if I feel it is not necessary. There may always be exceptions.
For example, if someone messages me that our gathering will now be held at such-and-such bar instead of this-and-that bar, then I may respond that I received the message so that the sender will not worry about me showing up at the wrong place. But if the person says that the cost per person on a communal gift has gone up from $4 to $5, then I'll not respond because my paying the person $5 is all the acknowledgement that's needed.
Mostly I write with purpose. One might not tell by my prolix writing, but that style is exactly why I try to keep my conversations efficient. I don't do small talk very well. If I respond, I feel obligated to add something else.
Kuildeous
Level 4
Apr 18, 2018
2
The rules have changed especially among young people. Unless you ask a question or otherwise make clear you expect a response, no response is necessary. Seems rude to me too.
Dreamrider
Level 6
Apr 18, 2018
2
Yes, the new generation does not know how to ge polite, but that is our fault for not teaching them. The brats. Lol
VAL3941
Level 8
Apr 18, 2018
1
No. I don't own this. I taught my son and any one who needed to hear it along the way. This isn't on me.
@crazycurlz Exception do apply.
@VAL3941 thanks for conceding that. But, on a further note, finger pointing at a whole generation (or race or religion) isn't appropriate because there are exceptions. Sorry, it's one of my pet peeves...sweeping generalizations. Nothing personal intended
@crazycurlz Point taken, but on the other hand I am not you ! I have my own ideas about life and stick to them. Because you agree or not does not mean you can castigate me for it. We all live by our own likes and dislikes. Be peeved, that is your right. Nothing personal intended. ( smile )
@VAL3941 I am respectful of people having their own ideas. I draw the line at sweeping generalizations. And, yes, I can express my opinions as freely as you do.
@crazycurlz So that is settled then, we agree to disagree ? Lol
@VAL3941 yes, lets.
@crazycurlz Thank you.
@VAL3941 Ty, too
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