You cannot figure it out yourself...your unique to you perspective, & ego, will not allow you to see the compromises that could lead to improvement. That is where a Good counselor comes in, bringing a fresh viewpoint to you both. Notice i said a Good counselor...they fall on that Bell Curve too! Both of you should Always feel like the counselor is supporting you Both at all times! Most insurances cover marriage counseling...not sure about "other" arrangements.

@AnneWimsey, thanks for the thoughts. By "figure it out myself" I wasn't really saying figure it out by myself. More like "I, myself haven't figured it out."

Don't get me wrong, I'm not opposed to counseling, but when cultish religious views are the major disagreement there isn't much middle ground to work with. After nearly 20 years together I can say neither of us are strangers to compromise. At the same time, some things simply cannot be compromised. You either have to put up with things your not happy with or leave with the understanding that the grass is not always greener on the other side.