The day my husband died. My world became silent..

Late October 1986. My last semester as an undergrad student. I found out my girlfriend had a boyfriend back home. Damn! That explained all the weekend trips to visit her parents that I was never invited for. I guess I wasn't really alone...she was cheating on him, too! Not that I ever thought about that, back then.

The more me I become, the less human I feel.

Home alone, on the toilet and out of toilet paper.

when I was married

My Mom was dying and the family could've cared less - I had to make all the final arrangements and then all they did was complain but what I did for her

I get that way when I can't find my words to communicate properly. I get trapped because I can't find my words. It's do to a brain injury.

The day my wife told me she wanted a divorce over the phone. She was in Cuba. We talked every day. She had came home for two weeks just a few months beforehand. And She called me on Veterans Day while I was Christmas shopping for her.

My first Christmas completely alone. I was 23 at the time.

I haven't dated a lot in my life, and I've felt lonely off and on more times than I can count. However, (and no one ever tell her I said this) now that my little girl isn't so little anymore - now that she is pretty much grown, and goes out for a few days at a time, I'm just home with my eternal child. And Collin doesn't talk. Sure, I talk to him all day long, but then, he heads to bed, and it's just me. Me, and the thoughts that keep me awake; the stories I am writing, the characters in my head, the thoughts on the world -

but even then, with all that madness, it's still just me.

Sometimes, I see pictures of people, see friends online, see people out doing things together, see such beautiful and kind people here, that I will never get to meet. And there are times when the loneliness physically hurts me so bad that I feel like my chest is just going to cave in on itself.

I'm long past the point where tears come; they stopped falling years ago. Now, it's to the point where the isolation is probably killing me. I try to stay busy; I do things with my daughter and her friends when I can, but that is, in all honesty, a world for a younger man. I care for my boy, play with him, feed him, make sure he's cared for; and while I see unspoken words looking back at me from behind his silent eyes, he'll never be able to tell me his dreams.

And most of the time, it's just me. And I try to shake it off, try hard to just keep plugging away; try to be happy, and for the most part, I am.

But there is that place of shadow, off in the corner. The place we never go close to. It's a place that reaches out and grabs us, no matter how hard we try to not go there, to not give in.

It is that place where you sit alone in a crowded room, where the silence and sadness is thick enough to leave a nasty film on your skin, and deposits its acrid taste in your mouth, poisoning any happenstance of joy that comes near.

Sure, I know loneliness. I know it well.

When I was married, for at least 25 out of the 33 years......."he's such a great guy" "you are so lucky to have him" while I died of neglect confused by the occassional "designing to give me a drop of attention"

When I got a letter from my sister while I was serving in Viet Nam that asked me when I'd be able to see her. knowing I had 6 more months of combat left to serve.

The death of the greatest man I’ve ever know.... my father

Between July - October, 2017, right after I came out to the world as trans. Lost half my family and every local "friend" I had over that. The thrill of finally living was offset by the losses of family and friends. It still stings, but thankfully...

As fortune would have it, I started dating the most wonderful man in October, and fell deeply in love. Almost everywhere we go, we run into people he knows, as he's very much into networking. He has no trouble introducing me, and publicly showing affection for me. I've since become close to some of his amazing friends, and even met my current girlfriend through him.

My life has changed so much. The swing went from extreme loneliness to nirvana, essentially. I am incredibly fortunate, and forever grateful to have him in my life.

Never lonely because I consider myself great company.

When I left home for the first time and moved to a different part of the country

Unfortunately, I felt that this past January. I live alone and became very ill for over 10 days (4 of those in the hospital). Being sick, weak, and by myself at home was the loneliest feeling I think I've ever had. I had some very dark intrusive thoughts during that time. I know now that some of it was truly how ill I was. It's definitely made me stop and reconsider my living arrangements.

Oddly enough I'm never lonely when I'm alone. I have my piano, my thoughts and a sense of freedom when I'm alone. It's when I'm around groups of people is when it hits me. Oddly laughing at jokes that aren't funny, conforming to the norm to fit in with the group....it's the group think philosophy that makes me lonely, because 90%of the time my mind is elsewhere.

Last week, my best friend and love interest was really depressed, and she wouldn't talk to me, and I just thought maybe leaving her alone would make us both feel better. A week later, she messages me, saying that she can't bear to be without me any longer, and her heart has been aching because of me leaving her. I told her the same thing has been bothering me, and we both said "I love you", and we promised not to do that again. I love her so much.

I think that would be moment you know your relationship is over with person you love with all your heart and soul.

In 1997 my first wife left and took our three children. Six months later she came back and took the pets. She was not happy with our relationship. We were no longer in love and we had been together over twenty years. It took me two years to recover from the loneliness and crying myself to sleep at night. Now the tables have turned. I have been with my second wife for seventeen years and I am not happy with our relationship. We are going to see a marriage counselor and I don't think it's helping. My wife has been mentally ill for over three years with agoraphobia and OCD. I may file for a divorce in the near future.

When I was jobless 2 years ago

Basic training...along time ago...

Hard to say, maybe on the 28th February 1976. I was 17, hundreds of miles from anyone I knew, in a strange town, nowhere to live and about to start a new job the next day. But there have been many others.

When I was married.