I lost my 43 year old son in January. I know the pain you describe, and yes, I suppose I feel some envy for people who cling to a belief in an afterlife. But that's not who I am, and we don't get to choose what we believe. My grief is still very fresh and raw, and it informs everything about my life right now. The unfairness of it, is especially painful. I decided I need a little help coping with it and so have asked my doctor for anti-depressants, which she was happy to prescribe. I have a session with a therapist next week. Since I'm pretty savvy about psychology and self-care, I don't know if this therapist will be able to help me or not, but it may just help to talk to someone. Possibly this person will be able to give me more mental tools for coping than I possess already. I know time will dull some of the sharpest edges of the grief, but since this was my baby son; and the one I depended on most, materially and emotionally, I expect that to take a very long time.

I am sorry for your loss. I have suffered many soul crushing losses without religion. I never had religion. It's hard and fades with time. I think sometimes of the advantage of believing that I will see dead loved ones again. But, it's a false belief and I'd rather face reality.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I want to share this support resource with you, and hope that it will help you find some comfort and healing in this difficult time. I wish you peace. [griefbeyondbelief.org]

It is shatteringly hard - but as time passes and the immediacy of the loss fades, you will begin to remember the times when she was there more than the time when she suddenly was not. The good moments, instead of that terrible moment.

The sorrow will never go. The loss will never go. But in time those two will become part of a greater whole rather than everything in their own right. They will become part of your daughter's story as it plays in your head, but there will be other parts that are joyful and comforting.