Scars are badges of courage and survivorship. They tell our stories. I give a program during which I invite people to share what one of their scars represents for them. They share wonderful tales about resilience and begin to see their “flaws” in a very different way. Years ago, I was embarrassed about my c-section scar/belly until someone said, “That just makes you beautifully human.” It was a lovely reminder.

There is no reason for you to feel shallow. I sounds to me as though you have been through a lot and a person's appearance is very important. This would be true of male of female. I had basil cell cancer removed from behind my left ear one time, but it is nothing compared to what you have been through. I think you are brave even to be sharing this with us.

Shirley Valentine. Great film. Great comment. You're alive.

Congratulations on being a survivor, Your scars are emblems of your success in conquering cancer. I'm being entirely serious -- you won a fight for your life. The bad news is that everyone -- male and female -- is constantly being judged by their appearance and society forms their standards of what is 'beautiful'. Women, more than men, are expected to adhere to these standards. In the 1970's a feminist named Naomi Wolf wrote The Beauty Myth in which she stated that she believed that so much focus is put on women's 'beauty' in order to keep us in our place. She felt that women will spend all their time and energy on their looks and not threaten men's hold on power in society. I think it's an extreme view, but I also believe that women are much more likely to be judged according to their looks.
Everyone has something about their looks that they are sure makes them less desirable or valuable. Since others are sharing, I've had 21 different surgeries and most of the scars are visible. I cringe at the idea of others seeing them. But I wouldn't be alive today without the surgeries they represent. I suspect you might not be alive without your scars, either. Here's the deal. I'll work on accepting mine if you'll work on accepting yours. OK?

I like most of my scars except the old acne scars. I could do without those.

Hello again to you.Listen,I was born with a harelip and a cleft palate.Growing up,I always felt like there was a giant neon sign(an arrow)on my face pointing at it.I guess what I am trying to say is this...we all have some forms of scars.My hope for you is that you learn to say(and pardon my language)..."fuck these scars,they are not who I am".And I am more than willing to believe that there are some out there(HELLO!)that really do understand and are not bothered by scars.Keep in touch and keep on smilin!

This is the first time I've ever said this in a public forum, and it's a bit scary because, as you said, woman ARE constantly judged. I have stretch marks from giving birth. I've lived with them for almost 36 years, and it is still a bit nerve wracking to undress in front of a new lover. They are a part of me, and have never had a man say "ewww", and walk out or break up with me because of them, so I have either chosen men who aren't shallow, or they are a bigger deal to ME than to anyone else. Wow........writing about this is kind of liberating. Thanks for broaching the subject, MermaidSuzy888.

I looked at your pictures. You are a very pretty lady. We are almost always more critical of our appearance than others are. Perfect is not always sexy. Carry yourself with confidence and no one will notice a couple of scars. ?

born with hair lip I've always had to deal with being different. I've discovered that the eyes really ARE the windows to the person and that others can find me attractive. who'd a known

If you look like the pic you posted you are drop dead gorgeous. I wouldn't mind some facial scars to make me look tough. Anyway, I'm glad you don't use much make up. Its a rip off. If you are beautiful you don't need it and if your ugly it won't help.