42 year old widower. Moved to Alabama 5 years ago. I'm a very honest, intelligent, and witty guy. I've noticed women like those things. Not try to be rude but if a man isn't extremely handsome on these sites, they don't even get to converse, let alone show personality.
4
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10 comments
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.Not to be rude, but women don't tend to be as shallow and critical of looks or age as men generally do, although we're almost always big on hygiene and grooming. We like wit, decency, and transparency. Most of us prefer a man who is open-minded, willing to try new experiences, and not stuck in a rut. Expect us to have strong political opinions, especially recently, since our rights are under fire. And this is a biggie, especially with mature women, we like guys who are self supporting and not too needy.
Deb57
Level 8
Sep 8, 2022
1
True that. With online dating, it's mostly all about looks. Many people on them, both men and women, don't even read most or even any of the profiles, just look at the photos and sort from there, except maybe the women that care about money and will reply to a man whose profile seems to indicate he is wealthy. With most singles on dating sites, you can have the greatest profile essay in the world, and it will make little difference if your photos don't seem impressive against the competition..
And I really pity you trying to date in Alabama. You can pretty much forget ever meeting anyone local to date from this site. It has so few members, who are so scattered throughout the US, that local dating is almost never an option.
TomMcGiverin
Level 8
Aug 28, 2022
1
A few things you can try for all these dating apps.
Try improving your profile. (I didn't check your pics here or anything) Both with photos and whatever bio stuff you have. Some forums do reviews if you're brave enough.
Use apps that allow you to message and allows people to see messages. Hinge for example. This lets you get passed the swipe game. No, copy paste crap but something based on their profile that isn't about their looks. Any women on those apps is having to sort through a lot of low effort messages, tons of profiles, all while trying to limit exposure to weirdos.
Consider jumping to different apps every so often. Maybe deleting the old profile if you're in active. The switch gives you a new user boost and a new pool of users.
Be aware that certain apps work better for certain goals, demos, or locations. As an example I wouldn't expect to find a long term thing on tinder.
Some people have given up on the apps and went back to IRL stuff like activity meetups or whatever would be social without it being for dating.
johnfrum
Level 4
Aug 26, 2022
0
When I was on dating sites I'd pass over men who had pictures of them hunting or fishing, or with their pickup truck. Those indicate values that I do not share. I go for the guys who are witty, who can express themselves well, Being not slim, not pretty, and not young I got passed over so often there was a stiff breeze blowing.
HippieChick58
Level 9
Aug 26, 2022
5
Welcome. Thank you for your frank comment. You will find that people here want to get to know you before considering you for a relationship. Read, react, respond, repeat. You will attract those who are simpatico with your perspective. Be aware that geography rules out the possibilities for most of us, especially those who have grandchildren they want to stay near.
KateOahu
Level 8
Aug 26, 2022
1
Oh come on man! The girls are crazy about me. Look at the size of my honker!
PondartIncbendog
Level 8
Aug 26, 2022
1
@Garban Biscuit?
That is one of the main problems on dating sites. Most women reject most men on looks. That is part of why I hate Disney, which inculcated that value in all the princess movies.
racocn8
Level 9
Aug 26, 2022
2
I would agree if you would change the terminology to most humans reject prospective dates based on looks. Men definitely have the same issue.
Isn't that the problem in politics too?
@racocn8 I believe you, Howard, even tho most women have told me the opposite, but that could easily be because few women are willing to think negatively about other members of their gender and would rather defend the sisterhood than admit that women can be as bad or sometimes worse than men in their dating behavior. And there are men who are the same way about reflexively defending their gender.
@TomMcGiverin Because of their second-class status, physical vulnerability, and frequent insecurity, the culture of women almost totally evades review and criticism. They can be assholes, clownish or otherwise inappropriate and it all gets a pass. The result is a social gender that is silly, immature, feigns ignorance or is ignorant, AND politically apathetic/irresponsible. So yeah, criticizing each other doesn't happen, at least not meaningfully. Men's faults are at least or more manifold, but because their bad behavior is more consequential, the criticism is warranted and does happen.
@racocn8 I've had an interesting discussion with a female friend I met on Match that is a psych social worker, 75 yo and very much a feminist, but she refuses to accept your viewpoint that women are just as likely as men, much less more likely than men, to reject others for dating based on looks. She keeps saying that women are more likely than men to accept dating partners that are "not conventionally good looking". I concede that she might be right about that, but that does not negate or change the trend of women being more frequent than men in rejecting for looks on dating sites. All it proves or says, is that women have maybe more exceptions among them, than men, who will date someone who is not conventionally good-looking. Her argument, while it may be true, is something I see as more of an excuse or rationalization for not believing that women are just as shallow as men, if not more, when it comes to rejecting dating partners on looks.
@racocn8 I have no idea what Lorajay said, because there is a block between her and me, but I'm guessing she jumped in and defended her gender, predictably as always, and said something like men were worse or more common than women in rejecting on looks for dating.
Rather than admit your approach could use work, you decide you're ugly? Really?
AnneWimsey
Level 9
Aug 26, 2022
4
@kwlove ooookkkaaaayy, change nothing and get nowhere, so you can cling to your theiory.....good plan!
I'm sorry you feel that way, but honestly, I haven't noticed that.
Organist1
Level 8
Aug 26, 2022
7
Am I "good looking"?
@PondartIncbendog Arf!
@PondartIncbendog you're adorable.
@HippieChick58 Rub my tummy!
@PondartIncbendog And once again Howard, racocn8 from above in the thread has probably noticed, we see that when the discussion gets too tense, uncomfortable, or heated, the clowns show up to lighten things up by making fun of the points you (Howard) are making....So predictable and true to form...... Like Jack Nicholson said in A Few Good Men, some people can't handle uncomfortable truths....
@TomMcGiverin HuH? Who is howard?
@PondartIncbendog racocn8. Didn't you see his comment and how you and Organist1 started getting all cutesy and joking about the subject he raised? I promise you that he did, because he messaged me about how the thread progressed after his comment above. Care to step in and speak for yourself, Howard, instead of me defending you here?
@TomMcGiverin Am I missing something here?
@TomMcGiverin Why are you starting shit with me?
@Organist1 He thinks I'm Howard the Duck?
@PondartIncbendog I'm not going to paint either of you a picture, so to speak. Why don't you message racocn8 about it, and maybe he'll agree to indulge you more than I'm willing to here, since he is the one you were acting dismissive towards, more than me... His first name is Howard, username racocn8, he makes a sincere, serious point about the genders and rejection of others for dating based on looks, you jump in later in the thread and start up making jokes about looks and whether you are cute or not, etc.. then Organist1 plays along and jokes with you. Now do you get it????? I'm not saying I'm smarter than either of you, but I sure as hell seem to be more socially observant..... as well as more respectful when someone is being serious and sincere....
It appears that Pondartincbendog blocked me, guess he couldn't take the truth of me calling him out on his innocent, dumb act after he dissed racocn8. I'll just call that a win and take it....
@TomMcGiverin No. I don't know what your problem is. But you made a fool of yourself tonight.
@Organist1 You were, but it looks like it's over between me and the dog man. He couldn't take it, so he blocked me. I am not sore at you, I just think he kind of used you to diss racocn8, and didn't like being called out on it. It's over now, and you were just pulled along in his game. BTW, Howard-racocn8, saw it after I messaged him and agreed with me about what this guy was doing here. That's probably why he blocked me and exited the argument, as he might have been afraid Howard was coming in here to also call him on it, and he didn't want to get humiliated or embarrassed by two guys calling him on his bullshit.
Enjoy being online again!
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