“Gray Divorces”
[psychologytoday.com]
3
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I sometimes think that marriage should be a 20 year contract, with an "option to renew" clause every 5 years afterwards. I feel many couples would put in a lot of effort in the run-up to renewal time.
Petter
Level 9
Sep 12, 2022
5
I have also long said that. I told my husband he had a 10-year contract with 5-year renewal options. He never took it seriously. In the 30th year, I knew I would be opting out.
FWB is the Only way to go over 55!
AnneWimsey
Level 9
Sep 12, 2022
2
It is not for everyone. Personally, I need an intellectual and emotional attachment before sex feels good. Not saying I need a lifelong commitment, but do need to feel like it is something much more than sex.
@MsKathleen the operative word is Friends, not somebody from Tinder
@MsKathleen I agree. Get inside their mind and like what you see, first. Then consider sex.
(P.S. What happens when you generally like most people you meet? 
)
@MsKathleen believe it or not, I (and I am sure many men) feel the same way.
@AnneWimsey
I understood. But was stating that I need it to be something more than friendship. I need there to be a mutual emotional and intellectual commitment to a monogamous relationship. MORE than a friend.
@Barnie2years I do not doubt that. But I do not seem to encounter men that work at making me want to get to that point.
Yep, I left my marriage at age 51, so not all that gray. I was the one who tried for the first 25 years to make it work, before giving up. It was him who finally got kicked into gear to step up and try to make it work after that, but it was too late. I wasn't financially independent, so I had to really work at making a living for myself, and still do, but I have more confidence with that now.
There comes a time when person worries that life might never have any happiness if they don't do something drastic, so that's what I did. After feeling stuck in unhappiness for so long, I fought for my own life, peace and happiness. I finally got it.
Julie808
Level 8
Sep 11, 2022
4
I separated, then divorced at 60, after years of emotional neglect and odd behavior. I think my ex is on the autism spectrum, but that is a whole different conversation. 26 years of no eye contact, very little intimacy and bad communication wear on a person. He didn't see it coming. I did not leave him for another man, just for my sanity. I gave him the house, and walked away free. I'm happier, but strangely still friends with him. When I think about it, that's all we ever were, as he was incapable of anything resembling a deep connection. Better late than never.
Organist1
Level 8
Sep 11, 2022
7
We have much in common.
I'm autistic, and never "gush" about loving, but I do show it, quietly, by the occasional brief touch and statement of love.
@Petter I don't think it was the autism by itself that divided us. Actually, our son has mild autism, and tells me he loves me almost every day. He is very emotional, too. My ex was full of anger toward the world, and once told me he had no idea what love was. He had an obsession with pornography, which he didn't share. Then, later, I found out he was gay and in the closet the whole time. There was no communication, despite my asking him periodically what was wrong, and receiving the answer "nothing". There was no affection. Nothing. I am not a needy, clingy person, but I do need bonding behavior to stay in a relationship. There was none. I took it until the boys were grown, and had to admit to myself that my soul ached. I couldn't stay.
This is so sad. And one reason I will probably stay single the rest of my life. I couldn’t deal with another divorce.
Barnie2years
Level 8
Sep 11, 2022
5
I’ll never say never. But I will say unlikely.
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