So as I have posted I recently lost my father and his Pyreneees puppy in a fatal car accident. Although if you know anything about Pyrenees dogs the puppies can be the size of a full grown German Shepherd. That puppy was beautiful with its Snow White hair and crystal blue eyes.
They both held on for a couple of days. Long enough for my Dad to show us his irreplaceable personality filled with wit and humor. But the injuries were too much for a man his age, and with all but two of his his ribs broken he got pneumonia, and with a bad heart with two stents already in it he finally had a fatal heart attack. The puppy held on long enough to show us he could wag his tail and be happy, however he could not walk and had to be put down.
I lost my mother to small cell lung cancer a year ago only one day later than the day my dad passed.
My Christian brother had the Chaplin come in and read my dad his last rites whatever that is supposed to mean.
As I was sitting in the family room she came to talk to me. I told her that I was not a believer in the faith she preached. She actually told me that she respected how direct I was by just coming out and telling her how I felt.
I got a lot of that at work when I was working as well. I’m sure being a top performer, and exceptional employee helped. They also knew that I was not an active employee when it came to the superior/hierarchy game. Employees who make $30,000 per year are no less human beings than those who made $100,000 per year and I made sure they knew it. The queen of insubordination was I.
I simply have difficulty with small talk or dancing around a topic so I’m pretty direct. I have been told that I’m too direct and have a thin filter but I feel that otherwise we are just walking around like robots succumbing to whatever culture, and conditioning we have been subjected to our whole lives.
I feel as if it is the secrets, the misunderstandings, the things left unsaid that cause us to be disconnected from each other as human beings, and cause deviant behavior. Like a pendulum. When our belief systems are so radical we will see that finatic behavior swing in the other direction until finally we see it rest in the middle at some point.
My dad was so funny ?. He’s told my only child, his granddaughter several times “Don’t tell anyone this, but you’re my favorite grandchild.” Well, I guess the drugs got the best of him and he told the nurses. Of course, they were like “You’re not supposed to say you have a favorite!”
Lol.....so when his other two granddaughters arrive he tells them, “There’s a rumor going around that I have a favorite granddaughter, and I just want you to know it’s not true.” He was so funny. It was like.....”I have chlamydia!....but don’t tell anyone.”
LMAO.....I will forever miss his humor, his “Dad Jokes”, but more than anything his unconditional love. He taught me what that was and that makes him the love of my life. Not because I love my daughter any less, but because he was there from the beginning. He was my safe place when I needed to feel protected from this cruel world. He was my only ally in a family where I had a hostile and abusive mother and two brothers.
Now I must find that solace in myself. And in a strange way his death has allowed me to do that.
I will never censor what I have to say (sorry to the TMI people) but unless our words ring true, never will our actions, therefore never will our world.
To my Daddy, who of course was only human, you will be sorely missed by Your Little Girl who you taught me who to be, and who not to be, simply by being you.
I love you with all of my heart and you will be missed.