I have been single a few years now.

Not having to wipe up man piss is glorious.

Don't beat yourself up too much. A little ego is healthy. And 3 out of 4 marriages don't work out nowadays, so your adverage. Your still young , I'm age 68, and the last 3 covid years were hell for me , now feeling a well being again. Like my old grandma said , this will pass too. I fall down, get up again! and go round, round, and round.

I understand some of this. My first marriage came about because a few of my friends were married and I was not. I wanted to "catch up" with them. Many of my experiences in those days were because of ego. I was also pursuing nonsense but did not know it at the time. As the years passed by I was more into a desire for knowledge and today I am a sort of people watcher who can see in others the stages I was once in. Looking backward it is amazing how stupid I once was. Not sure if I'm growing today or doing a damned thing for community, my life is still all about me but I am critical of myself. Today I am a lonely recluse and not sure what life I have yet to live. I prefer peace to adventure in a world controlled by corporations who want all of us to be " a good fit" into their nonsense as they try to take over your life.

Good fortune with your new adventures. One benefit of the loss of excess ego, at least in my experience, is that people who lose it, no longer suffer from the fear of death. Since when you truly understand your own worthlessness, then you know that nothing will be lost when you die. That is the very opposite of the narcissist's desperate clutching to things like churches, in the hopes that their fears are both justified and not folly, but that they can also buy a "get out of jail" ticket if they spend enough.

The other big gain in my experience, is that you realize the importance of everything and everyone else. Both in: Can I appreciate it/them ? ( For the person who likes both, beef and pork, sport and art, mountains and sea, men and women, adults and children, has many times the joy.) While you also understand that any true worth you may have, only exists in how much you appreciate those things, and how large a hole in the lives of those things, your departure would leave, because your contribution was taken away.

Yep, when you leave the comfort zone of life as you know it, and start completely fresh, it's a good time to finally become the person you want to be!