I understand all of what you say. It does not change how empty I feel though. I have Bipolar disorder and it is the mixed state type that the meds they make do not often treat. Add to that the diabeetes which most of the meds make much worse. So I have to muddle along somehow. I don't feel love. I don't feel mich of anything except frustration, aniexty, and hopelessness.

@Ceaselessmind I was diagnosed with Type II in 1992.....felt very angry and very hopeless as it runs deep in my family and I have seen close-up the awful long-term side effects. Went into denial for decades, on and off...took my meds but otherwise pretended I was Fine.
Then a combo of diabetes meds ( Victoza + Avandia, you can nowadays Google it!) killed off part of my heart so now I have fatal Congestive Heart Failure too....diagnosed in 2018 when I literally stopped breathing.

However, for 3+ years I have strictly followed a very low carb diet and just 3 weeks ago stopped all diabetes meds including off all insulin, which I had been injecting since 2010.....there is Hope for diabetes and it is within your control!!!!!!

And my Cardiologists are astonished by my lack of decline as well........they expected me dead/disabled on the way to death in 5 years. Not so much...I just remodeled my kitchen, and my yard, home, pool, have never been in better shape.
The difference in my outlook, by gaining control over a "hopeless" disease (2 of them, actually!!) by my own efforts has been Astounding!!!!!

Maybe it is time for you to make some changes that will give you a feeling of control? I highly recommend anything in that area!

@annewimsey1 I have tried diet changes for more than a decade. It was fruitless. My type 2 went untreated for 10 years and my A1C was 12+. I was in moderate stage ketoacidosis and was already starting to prgress to various failures. The damage to my body is well done. My current A1C is 7.3 and that is taking several meds and eating a damn diet. I am not optimistic about this as you are. I am glad you came back from it. Not everyone can. The nutritions have said that short of just drinking water and using an iv bag there isnt much more I could cut. So it is what it is at this point. We don't get out of life alive after all.

Well, if it were that simple everyone would do it. My brain is undoubtly set to tourture me relentlessly.

@Ceaselessmind You have to work at it every day, it gets easier the longer you do it.

@glennlab been working at that all my life. It never gets easier. I am 44 soon to be 45. Realistically speaking, half my life is over and the onset of aging is starting to set in. The golden years is a myth. There is nothing wonderful about chronic arthritis, hormonal changes, going to bed and waking up feeling like you got run over by a truck because you slept wrong... Nor is it grandiose to become incontinent when you sneeze or loose your mind trying to find the damn thing you just had in your hand five mintues earlier. Doctors always fussing about this that and the other. Wanting to cram more pills and shots in you. Nah the golden years are not so golden.

I think you misinterpret the point. I am unable to feel joy and love. As mentioned above in other comments, I feel only anxiety, depression and hopelessness. I go through the motions and I do and function to some degree. I just cannot really relate to what people mean when they talk about feeling happy, glad, content. As mentioned also above, I exist simply because others tell me that is what I must do.

@Ceaselessmind, From my perspective, who was on the edge of death a couple of times, things are a bit different. Things Have to be different W/O me! Besides my main career, I see sometimes a little action can make a huge difference.
Just try small random kindness to animals and ppl. around! doesn't matter how small is it. sometimes these little things made me cry, cry of enjoyment, and pity about why I didn't do that for whole my life.
I can't explain how hard my life is in some aspects (like every living being) but I've successfully managed to make it a bit easier and nicer.
My actions are my answer to "Randomness & Possibilities", to fill some little gaps.
small random kindness is Interaction with the outside in a good way, a perfect way to yell: "I exist", to mark your sign, like a Hand sign on a cave, what our ancestors did. that's the Art's purpose.
to me, besides my career success, it's heartwarming to see a cat/dog waiting on the street to get fed by me, when someone smile because of me, when buy a meal for a homeless person, when do a little help with my colleagues and employees... etc. ( yeah, things get complicated somehow with love! and I've decided to be in that way for my own reasons... )

@Diaco I get all of that. I do those things. Still does not change anything. I vent. I ponder things. I am a deep thinker. I do not get the joy in life. I have not had joy inany years. Seriously dude, I am not being rude or obstenant. I literally just do not feel much of anything. There are people I care for. But I have very little family. Very few friends and I do not like dealing with people much. I gonthrough the motions and I make jokes make people laugh. Fix shit to help em. Do odd job stuff to help people. But without me, nothing changes in the lense of the universe. Here today, gone tomorrow and the sun will still shine as we rotate and spiral along the galaxy. I am okay and at peace with that. It is as it has been for 4.5 billion years. Point is, nothing will change when I go. Wars still rage, bombs fall, rich cocksuckers still buy elections and write laws. The homeless vet that lives 3k miles away won't have a meal and never knew I existed so nothing changed for that person. No matter what I do, in the end it is all for naught.

@Ceaselessmind I've just checked all your previous posts. have a better picture now; seems you just need to be involved in a relationship. Loneliness will break everyone down. your BP, anxiety and depression are symptoms, Not the root! try harder to find your mate, I know sounds lame, but the truth is someone is out there for you.

@Diaco I am done with all that. Not even interested in that shit anymore. I never have believed that there is someone for everyone. It is just a load of bs to make lonely people feel better. Kinda sounds like something George Carlin would have said. But it is true. Not everyone has that person. Lets say, maybe that person actually existed, but is in some other part of the world and circumstances keep them from getting together. Same situation honestly. Cant be together if you are not able to get together. So may as well not exist. Kinda like the big ole scary sky wizard up in the clouds!

@Ceaselessmind My friend, I don't want to bother you. I feel you and your disappointment, but even this despair and anger of that BS is another sign to prove my point. The irony is Somehow I'm in the same boat W U, just my responsibilities, dreams and those little things won't let me down. but I have the same empty area in my heart too, and am seeing how loneliness sometimes tries to crash me down. at least I'm aware my issue is standing there. anyhow you can count on me as your friend.

@Diaco well, all I can say is I wish for success in your endevors. As for me, I can only say this, I will wake up as long as my body allows and I will expire when my time comes. I do not wish or intend on making anyone feel the way I do. I do not command that everyone be like me, nor would I ever do that. I do thank you for your friendship. I do appreciate what you are attempting to do. I only do not want you to waste your time.

@Ceaselessmind It's OK. Perhaps one day we can play some online games together! for now, I'm under pressure on some projects! you know this platform and fellows like you help a lot to keep my mental balance! otherwise, I'm emotionless like a robot in my damn office!
And No my friend, sometimes we have so many in common, way more than we can ever imagine!
Honestly, I'm Not wasting any of my time, you're somehow Me and I hope there be someone for me when I'm down blue.
IDK, perhaps I'm projecting myself, but what I'm sure about is Loneliness is the root of so many issues ( consciously and unconsciously ).

@Diaco