Yep, this June will be doubly busy for me. The other secular officiant on island is taking the whole month of June off to go to Europe, so I'm taking all her weddings. Then in July, I'm taking nearly the whole month off to go to Seattle, and giving her all my weddings.

We are 2 aging officiants, looking to retire in a few years, so we want to slow down. But we didn't really do the math in that If we each take a month off, and give our gigs to the other, we are actually still working the same amount, duh! But at least I'll make extra money to spend on some travel related expenses, so it all works out.

I'm actually training a younger woman to take over for me when I retire too. I married her and her husband 17 years ago, and they fill in for me during emergencies, and I just need to give her a bit of guidance until she gets more confident. Then I feel I can leave my business in good hands. She's doing one of my July weddings in my absence. When her business takes off, it will be a husband and wife team, her as officiant and him as photographer, and then I can actually start taking breaks. She loves doing the non-religious style weddings, so there will be 3 on the island to serve the non-religious couples.

They are actually still getting married after divorcing and finding a better mate for them. A lot of my older couples are on their 2nd or 3rd marriage. One groom was on his 5th. That's job security for me, haha!

Actually you are correct in that many people are choosing not to get married. Sometimes older couples will lose their social security benefits or some other financial reason, so instead of just shacking up, they often like to have a "commitment ceremony" where they are married in the eyes of their friends and family, but they can still collect their benefits.

Also, couples who stay together for a long time, and maybe were too poor (or pregnant) to have the wedding of their dreams, so they just got hitched at the courthouse, so now that they are celebrating a milestone anniversary, they migh have a vow renewal, like the wedding they always wished they had, but this time with friends and family to hear their vows. It's actually inspiring to their children and grandchildren to see an actual good successful marriage being modeled.

@Julie808 I was just talking about divorce with a friend and remembered I once knew a couple that had gotten divorced and remarried to each other three times. Have you encountered any repeat offenders? I do know people often get divorced come tax time for reducing their taxes.

@pedigojr I've had several couples re-marry each other for a 2nd time, but as far as I know not 3 times to the same person.

@Julie808 Seems some people never learn. At least it's more income for you. I wonder if one could create a divorce service.

@pedigojr Yes, I actually have a script for a divorce service, in case anyone ever asks, but I've never used it.

I did perform a solo ceremony for a woman who had gotten out of a bad relationship, and she needed a wedding type ceremony to commit back to being herself.

I think it's healthy and helpful to write something out to close the chapter, but by the time all the paperwork and disagreements about who gets what and how much of it come to a head, where someone is likely not happy, the desire to set aside some time to honor that transition is often gone, at least not to celebrate it with the ex.

If it was an unhealthy relationship, then it's just a relief to get out of it, and no need to ever see that person again. It just dredges is all the negative feelings up again.

Some relationships can end peacefully, and I've experienced that. But with my divorce, I have no desire to interact with him at all. Yesterday I my ex-husband sent me a friend request on Facebook. Nope! Delete request. It's creepy to me that he scrolls my public social media posts, I don't need him scrolling through my personal ones too. Done with that.

@Julie808 Thanks Julie. Interesting as it seems there's a ceremony for everything. My first divorce was also contentious and she had moved to Bakersfield Ca. We have not seen nor heard form each other since. My 2nd relationship was long term but not married and the breakup was fairly easy but, again no word since. My last was finally perfect but the grim reaper intervened (but in a gentle, caring way). It's funny but a NPR report on dating sites showed there are lots of problems. I wonder if there is a non-wedding ceremony that just symbolizes a commitment based on trust and love?

@pedigojr I actually do a lot of commitment ceremonies. Many are for older couples who might lose some financial benefits by getting married. Some just want a formal social ceremony, but do not want the government or a church getting involved.

Some still do mean to get married at some point, but the timing isn't right, meaning the pre-nup hasn't been filed yet, or some such paperwork snafu. Still others are perhaps adding a third person to their marriage, so it can't be legal, but they do want a formal ceremony outlining their commitment within their triad.

One time, I got roped into performing a last minute commitment ceremony for a Mormon couple who meant to get legally married, but the bride was under age, so the marriage license agent couldn't issue a license and called me. The leader of the church/cult arranged the whole thing, so it's curious to me why they didn't get married in their own home state within their own church. I did a lot of research about this family after that one. It was 6 young couples all getting married and the leader of the cult was reported to have had something like 27 wives at that point... so obviously they all can't be legal ones.

@Julie808 Wow, I can't imagine doing for a ceremony for a male with multiple wives. I'm going to post a recent item by NPR on dating apps. It's just another example of what happens when bean counters take over an industry. At our age most do not want to marry unless it's for a valid reason (like a benefit - which I have). Too often, if a couple is married and one needs to go to an assisted living facility the spouse is on the hook for the bills which can be huge.

@pedigojr It's not really a matter of a "male with multiple wives" as much as an equal triad, with each individual having 2 mates. I've seen a lot more love and respect for all partners involved in a triad than many traditional marriages I've seen. It's easy for me to support love in non-traditional ways, after I hear their story and can understand and see why they love each other.

@Julie808 Thank you for this. A new PBS show "Maryland" ( I have no idea where that name came from was a scenario where an elderly woman living in London traveled to the Isle of Man and created a new double life for herself. It was about two fighting sisters being brought back together. I liked it. I wonder could someone like you imagine living on Kauai, living on an island like the Isle of Man?

@pedigojr Two weeks, one of my grooms (and his family) were from the Isle of Man. His bride was from Canada. They came to Kauai for their wedding.

My life may have been surprising to some for a while here on Kauai - but now I'm back to living a more dull ordinary life which suits me just fine.

I'll look for the show MaryLand, if I ever get some days when I don't feel I need to be catching up on other things.

Nearly all my events are outdoors in "nature's cathedral" and that's as close to a church I can get. Usually on a beach, up on a cliff, under a tree or at a waterfall. Today's was in the courtyard of a senior living apartment. Even my funerals and ash scatterings are outdoors. Only a handful of my funerals have actually been inside the funeral home.

Families who choose me prefer outdoor scenes like this for scattering the ashes of their loved one. A sweet private beach at sunset was the setting for one of my recent ash scatterings.

The next one was in a cool sand cave, where they poured the ashes from rocks into the ocean. One before that was from a zodiac boat that was rocking on the water. All beautiful in their own ways, and those ashes are now part of the beautiful landscape/seascape of a place they loved.

Ouch! Well, I can still perform a wedding with a physical injury, as long as my lips can still move to the words. I just can't choke out any lines of religious worship, without feeling a bit physically ill, haha!

I tell people I might burst into flames if I had to say a prayer for an event, haha!

You mention funerals, which I also do secular style funerals and ash scatterings, but what has surprised me in this past year is an increase of people having a combination wedding/vow renewal and ash scattering. Somehow they find me and see that I do all of the above, in a secular fashion, and so destination funerals and ash scatterings seem to be coming into popularity as are destination weddings and vow renewals.

I've been calling them celebrations of love and life. I've got a lot of job security, as, I "hatch em, match em and dispatch em" and people are always being born, getting married and dying, and finding an experienced secular officiant to help celebrate these milestones is still a bit rare.