I open it to find out it is one of those fake 100s that has a bible verse inside, then puke on the floor in disgust.

In some churches, they actually have a goon squad that brings the offering plate around. They stand at the end of the row, giving everyone the evil eye, trying to make you feel guilty if you don't contribute to the shake-down, and ready to pounce if you so much as steal a penny!

Put it in the collection tray and take out $99.00 in change..

That's the only reason to go to church-palm some money out of the collection plate when it goes around. I used to work with a lady who was catholic-almost never went to church, and when she did go that's what she would do each time the plate went around. And it would go around 3 or 4 times a service.

I'd take it as a sign from dog that I should put it towards a nice bottle of whiskey. And if any churchgoers say anything, mention that it's obvious their god of choice wanted me to have it or else somebody else would have found it.

I’d make sure it’s not counterfeit first.

I would probably wake up about then, cuz if I’m in a church, I’m clearly dreaming!?

Exactly!

I'd be thinking this $100 bucks could buy me at least 3 or 4 more plants!!

I only attend church for friends' and families' weddings and funerals. I would take it and give it to a real charitable organization, not religion related.

Put the money in my pocket.