Only once I had a serious problem with over forgiving my ex wife. Who was trying to steal my daughter away. No One can do business or have a relationship with a deep narcissist . Solution is, get rid of very negative people and their haunting memories.

There is an anchor that holds us down if we don't forgive. I was once feeling really down in life , so I called up all the people that kept coming up in my thoughts negatively. As I called up every negative person memories to forgive them. They replied , I don't care.

We'll, it's not about you, I forgive you because these negative thoughts are haunting and holding me down.

It works.

I had always revered the notion of forgiveness, but I see now that Christianity has inflicted another poison pill on our culture.

I recently found these:
"When toxic people leave your life, it's like the trash takes itself out. You can forgive, but never forget the stench."
Consider: What is the difference between me forgiving and me not forgiving?
Insisting on forgiveness teaches hypocrisy and dishonesty.

Scenarios where holding off on forgiveness could be beneficial:

1. When safety is at risk: If forgiving means putting yourself back in harm’s way.
2. Lack of genuine remorse: If the person isn’t truly sorry or where the person has doubled down on their offensive behavior.
3. Ongoing harm: If the harmful behavior is ongoing.
4. If not forgiving helps maintain necessary boundaries and self-respect. Where your personal values prioritize justice or accountability over forgiveness.
5. Forgive only when you truly feel it can be authentic.
6. Not forgiving can sometimes be more empowering, helping you move on without a forced reconciliation. Or where you are freeing yourself from them and the harm they caused you.(turning the page)

I'm no expert in this field, but my understanding of forgiveness is that it's more for the the person who has been harmed, not the one who harmed them. Hate and thirst for vengeance can eat a person up inside. I have seen this up close. I had a toxic aunt who did her best to screw her siblings over, and was to some degree successful in that endeavor. My dad hated her so much that, in his last years, all conversations with him would lead back to her. I finally learned to nip that in the bud by asking him, "why are you letting her in the room? We're fine without her. Let's not let her monopolize our time." And so we could go back discussing more pleasant or more relevant topics. But this was only a band-aide that worked in the moment. My dad's obsession never really abated, and he wasted a lot of energy on rumination over old, polluted water under the bridge. It was painful to watch. I'm not saying he should have forgiven her, but that might have allowed him to let it go. Is there a real difference between letting go and forgiving? Both are forms of acceptance. Maybe forgiveness has a better chance of defining a new status quo for the long term. I don't know.

When I got my AA in Addiction Studies, it was made clear that the best chances a person has for recovery is to remove themselves from toxic and/or dysfunctional relationships. At some point it helps those in recovery to forgive, but they should NEVER forget and not put themselves in a position to allow toxic and/or dysfunctional behaviors to repeat. This is usually done by refusing to play their former role and no longer participate or allow themselves to be drawn in to past toxic/dysfunctional patterns.

I'll just point out that religions have their own toxic and dysfunctional behavior and co-dependency patterns, which have almost the same psychological pull as chemical addictions. Although chemical addiction have both physical and psychological components to them, it is the psychological/behavioral components that are harder to break out of and recover from.

Interesting read and it affirms love is not unrestricted. There are limits to everything and people should be able to acknowledge their limits to another especially when in a committed relationship. On several occasions my late partner told me, no matter how much I love you and no matter hard it would be if you 'stepped out' on me I would leave you. My first wife had affairs (we had a child which made things not so easy) and I I told her I know how that feels and could never do it to someone I care about. She would answer, "just so you know." Then I figured it out so the last time she told me this I asked her if this was for my benefit our hers. This time she said "just saying" and she didn't repeat it. Caring means setting limits and knowing the others and having strength to stick to those limits.

Some things and/or people can never be forgiven.