That made me laugh. I concur!

Indeed..

It's not for everyone. It takes a LOT of trust and patience to handle more than one relationship at a time. Personally, I've only had two long term partners along with my primary partner.

sounds like a fair deal...

Great idea ?.

Hon, you need a better hobby

bummer...

What if it was a different configuration... mmf for example?

@HonkyBMcfunky they don't do it that way LOL

@AmelieMatisse haha - I mean, some do! Mfm if you prefer then, ya perv!

@HonkyBMcfunky nope on either of them

@AmelieMatisse Ha - fair enough.

that isn't poly - that is a lying asshole. I'm sorry you went through that.

that doesn't sound like it worked...

@ThePrivateMystic Not for me, no. But what I want doesn't matter, because I'm not a real person with real feelings. Also I wasn't consulted on the whole situation before it happened, and my consent wasn't a decision making factor anyway.

It sounds like you might have tried it with shallow people that were selfish. I'm sorry that happened to you. You deserve care and attention.

@HonkyBMcfunky How sweet! Thank you.

Haha!

@ScienceBiker polygamy is multiple marriages (i.e. a power structure). An open marriage is two people deciding to be with others in a way that is agreeable to all involved. HUGE difference.

@ScienceBiker polygamy falls under patriarchal structures of marriage. In practice it’s usually multiple females to one man. Women are still seen as property. In my open marriage we are two equals that do not feel we own each other and realize we can’t meet all of each other’s needs. We know we have one life to live and don’t want to deprive each other of feeling butterflies, flirting, exploring, learning and growing. Open marriage is adult, loving, giving partnership.

One man, multiple wives. The women are referred to as "sister wives".

@Betty

I've read about this.... Sometimes these women get played off each other.

I don't think men would be so happy if it was one woman with several husbands.

@Betty Ehh, not always...

Just a small point - I know the words have modern connotations, but I prefer 'ladies' since the word dreives from 'the giver of bread', whereas 'woman' just derives from 'the adjunct of man'.

@CeliaVL

I never knew that. That's interesting.

However.... at the same time the word 'lady' is a loaded term, it means a certain type of woman who's proper and clean and chaste etc.

I'm thinking of the Lionel Richie song.

@Ellatynemouth

I think your right. LOL

@HonkyBMcfunky

What is your definition?

@Betty I did a longer post in the thread. That seems to be my best understanding.

@Ellatynemouth I agree. 'Lady' has developed connotations that we could do without, but I feel we should reclaim it!

Hilarious. Yeah, cohabitating with one person is challenging enough. I wouldn’t have enough left-over diplomacy energy for an introverted cat.

Do you own him?

@HonkyBMcfunky

A commitment between two people that doesn't include anyone else, then it is a promise, not ownership.

@Betty Obviously, do what you like. I'm only saying that the people that understand their partners interests and find ethical ways to allow them have no reason to feel like trash. They can honor a commitment and still also not be monogamous. If that thought makes you angry, then you may want to think about the role power plays in your relationship. That isn't love, it's fear.

I don't own anyone in an ideal relationship but I believe in monogamy now.

@HonkyBMcfunky

I think there may be a misunderstanding here. At no point did I state that I was angry or that I disapprove. There are all kinds of romantic relationships and how consenting adults negotiate their relationship is their private business. What is palatable to one may not be to another, we all have different needs, wants, and desires.

Gay marriage is marriage between two people. It's not polygamy.

Let's take it to another level: why does the government need to be involved in relationships? If marriage didn't exist, would we invent it in order to do some societal good?

@HonkyBMcfunky touché .. very thought provoking. Would make a good discussion as this situation is quite multifaceted!

@Ellatynemouth the argument I was presented (I’ve had this question posed before) was this Christian nation of ours put their marriage policy into our politics and defined marriage as being between a man and one woman. If we allow that definition to be altered why not take it to a whole other level, plural, not just defined by sex. I won’t lie, I was bothered by the plural part but is that hypocritical of me if I’m so open to mixed sexes? Hmmmm?

@SunshineBee

I see what you mean. But I don't think marriage is a logical bridge to groups of people. marriage is as old fashioned as straight marriage. It's still about sharing , property and tax.

@SunshineBee it is a very complex thing that I spent some time considering.

@HonkyBMcfunky government needs to get out of bedrooms of the nation~ pierre elliot trudeau

If there is jealousy, is there love?

No sharing for you, LoL .

@Wildgreens I don't mind sharing just refuse to become a Moreman..

sister wives? Yeah, totally. Poly relationships? How would doing this be a lack of self respect?

@HonkyBMcfunky I'm with Amelie. I would feel like leftover trash.

@HonkyBMcfunky If I can't be number one in my partner's life, I will be number one to somebody out there. I won't settle or compete because I respect myself and I deserve better!

@DarwinistOne Number one in their lives... what does that mean? All things are transient, are they not? At some point, everything that starts has to stop. At our core, we are alone... that doesn't mean we have to be lonely... but still, we are alone. If I make some person the center of my life, is that healthy? Am I running from my own aloneness? Why does it have to be a competition? Everything you are implying is fear, power, and control: that's the very negation of love. To have love, things like fear, jealousy, antagonism, possession... they have to be removed so that love is able to blossom. You aren't talking about love, friend. We are talking about very different things - poly means many and amory means love. This sounds like mono phobia.

@HonkyBMcfunky

Your comment only makes sense if everyone has the same needs, wants, desires, and dreams. Humanity is made up of different personalities with different values, morals, and experiences. You mentioned fear, jealousy, antagonism, and possession, and I agree that in large doses they can and do harm to relationships. In small doses, they do not impede or harm loving relationships as they can be an indication of personal emotional investment.

Relationships are defined by the people in them and the range is vast and that is why there is no real recipe for love and the commitments they form.

@Betty You seem like a kind and sincere person. My goal is not to annoy you, but provoke thought in a new way.

Your remarks remind of the interviews I've seen with very intelligent people stating why their faith in Jesus or whatever is totally rational...

Where there is love, is there jealousy? Why do we have jealousy biologically? Isn't that to preserve mating and reproductive efforts (moving your genes and not a cuckold-type scenario)? I'm not talking about values, now - I'm talking about what is. If you really consider it, I think you'll see that love and jealousy are polar opposites and cannot coexist in a relationship. It is a terrifying thought, for sure. However, I think it is sort of a first principals concept in relationship - of any kind. If you have jealousy, then you are in a fear motivated state. Your thoughts, actions, reactions... they will all be narrow in order to escape the fear. You won't be free. You'll be a prisoner to that fear.

Maybe I explain it poorly... I'll try to be more concise if this is interesting at all...

@HonkyBMcfunky That was just MY opinion. I don't think not wanting a poly relationship has anything to do with jealousy or fear, it just doesn't fit my wants. I don't want to be a dog with a bone with this conversation, so I will let it rest....just my opinion regarding how I want to live my life.

@DarwinistOne I don't mean to argue or impose my opinion. I only mean to address the feeling like trash thing. What you do with your life is your business. All of this is really an intellectual exercise anyway - I'm not selling anything here. All the best.

@HonkyBMcfunky

If jealousy equaled possession only then I would agree with you. There are different types of jealousy that are motivated by different emotions like resentment and insecurity. There are also different levels from minor slights to extreme meltdowns. There are so many different variables that a black and white answer cannot fit for all.

Fear is not always a bad thing, it is part of life and we all experience it in some form or fashion in our lifetimes. It can also be exhilarating, sharpening the senses. We are human and we are all different.

There, I fixed the question.

@Wildgreens
Thank you. You are so kind ! Lol