When did you last have sex with a partner? (A 50 and over confidential poll)
I've been curious about sex for the over 50 crowd (of which I am). When I google about that topic, headlines come up that say things like "The Truth About How Often You Should Have Sex To Be Like Normal" or "How Often Should You Be Having Sex?" or "Drop in Sex among the over 50 population is worrying".
Really? Is the frequency of sex such a cultural norm or expectation that we have "shoulds" about it? "You should be having sex X number of times per month in order to be normal." One study said that 1/3 of adults over 50, who are in relationship, are not having sex at all. Why is that not OK? Having some kind of cultural expectation about frequency of sex is creating shame and embarrassment among those who don't live up to the norm. What about those of us that are not in relationship?
I suspect that people are having less sex than the culture expects or promotes. This culture promotes sex in the media as a primary focus, second only to violence. This society promotes sex as the penultimate experience of life. Don't get me wrong, I think sex can be pretty great, but sometimes it's not that great. It can be pretty routine, in my experience. And if you're mad at your partner, sex can be pretty empty. The unstated cultural belief is that if you're not having sex, then you're a loser or dysfunctional in some way. Why is there a measuring stick about this at all? Why can't society just let people live their private lives as they wish without creating expectations?
For me, I haven't been in relationship for several years, so it's been a long dry spell. The on-line women that I'm communicating with find that to be a big red flag for them. I'm starting to wonder if this is something that one "should" be ashamed of.
So I'm curious about how often people actually have sex, rather than how often the cultural norm or expectation says.
5
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43 comments (26 - 43)
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.September 2015
Yep.
SkotlandSkye
Level 8
July 4, 2018
1
@Shelton it’s not like batteries don’t exist ?
I haven't voted as I'm just under the age limit! Just over 5 years for me, but I don't (or should that say didnt haha) have meaningless sex for the hell of it. Quality beats quantity in every sense.
Salo
Level 7
July 4, 2018
2
Salo:
@AwarenessNow I was afraid you'd say that. 'Just over 5 years' sounds bad enough but 'within 10'...scary!
sex is certainly overrated, yet the physical closeness, excitement & affection i remember accompanying it would be a thing of beauty after a cold spell of 12 years - but then, i'm well past 50, hormones in the basement, & i find the idea of crashing into a libidinous man between daunting & jocular.
walklightly
Level 8
July 14, 2018
1
Miff!!
I am well over 50 and it does seem the opportunities are less available than the ability and desire. I find this very frustrating. I don't like feeling like a dirty old man when a young girl walks by. I have been in relationships where I was often "sated" ..... I now feel it is a shame how much I didn't appreciate that now that I am no longer in a relationship.
Satisfying relationships (on an emotional/companionship) level seem ever harder to find as well. It seems I've become less flexible in my habits as have most potential partners. Seeking medication to lower libido may be an option I should consider. It makes little sense to be rutting around like a horny animal seeking a mating opportunity. I find it demeaning and most women my age do not appreciate it anyway.
Normanbites
Level 7
July 8, 2018
2
with a partner? It's been 2,561-62 days now. I have a relationship with "Hanna". She's always been there by my side for my entire life. 
Testosterone packed it's bags and left some time ago and a reasonable facsimile isn't allowed. My urologist told me that or orgasm twice a week was good keeping the prostate from swelling so I follow his instructions. He even told me to get a girlfriend. I told him I was an atheist and he said with a sad face, "oh". 
What a dilemma eh? I don't really miss it bt it wold be nice to do again with someone that I'm emotionally conneted to.
IAJO163
Level 8
July 5, 2018
2
@AwarenessNow No. Just seemingly aware of how difficult it is trying to find an atheist mate in a predominant Christian society. He's Jewish. Did I mention that I'm an introvert?
No, I fucked my doorknob. Of course with my partner. Your urologist seems to be a blathering idiot. I would suggest a different doctor.
What if they weren't really a "partner" but instead just laid still crying because I'm so bad at sex? Does that count?
Count_Viceroy
Level 7
July 4, 2018
2
It counts for something...but ‘god knows’ what? The ‘partner’ part is where I got hung up!
@AwarenessNow wouldn’t that mean, he plucked somebody from somewhere? They were even crying! I thought that I understood men pretty well...but this is not fitting my acquired knowledge!
@AwarenessNow read weelittleone’s post above!
@Freedompath this conversation has taken a strange turn
@AwarenessNow i think it might be a good idea to leave it here...because we may get so far off into the weeds, we might never find our way out! Lol
It's depressing when I think about it. And I'm basically horny all the time - kinda sucks...
RobCampbell
Level 7
July 6, 2018
1
I almost voted virgin. I feel like I'm starting over.
I have recently read about a 30-day 'test'. If you have a partner (which I don't at the moment) you should have 30 days of sex in a row. I've never tried this, but can see the benefits as well as how difficult it might be. Anyone want to be a test bunny with me?
AstralSmoke
Level 8
July 9, 2018
0
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