I'm always sensitive to how men feel being asked this question right away by women. I don't ask, and I'm much more interested in learning other things about a man before knowing his occupation.
Imagine you've just met a woman, briefly discuss the weather and she asks, "So, what do you do for a living?"
I find men do this very often and I'd like to understand why, from a man's perspective. Is it that it's very important to you, or that you don't know what else to ask, or is it that you think you'll learn about her more quickly, by knowing? If so, would you be stereotyping? Has anyone made certain assumptions about you that were incorrect, based on occupational stereotypes?
Examples: Lawyers are dishonest; Investment bankers are ruthless; models are airheads; artists are flaky; construction workers are not that smart; accountants are boring..
Women are welcome to comment! I am just curious to know the motive behind men asking this question right away.
*I'm adding to this, as I'm getting a lot of "Just curious" replies which I don't believe addresses the question. Why are you curious? What will it tell you, that you need to know, in the first few seconds of meeting someone?
*Thank you all for your replies!
For me there are probably several reasons and Just Curious would be the least of the reasons. Please don't assume 'us' is men in this response, I'm trying to be gender neutral.
Initially its a conversation starter/"greaser" in that their reply can help us navigate to the next set of questions. Oh you're a botonist; clearly they are intelligent and like plants, thus we choose a line of questions that help them feel at ease. Helps us with determining shared experiences too.
Helps us determine social, economic, and educational compatibility; oh you're a pro-life attorney, well I work with Planned Parenthood maybe we won't work out. Obviously just because she has a PhD and he barely finished 8th grade doesn't make them incompatible, but the question helps determine how much we each have to put into this relationship.
To see how much you like doing what you're doing or do you have bigger plans than what you're doing.
Out of respect for the idea that you work hard too at whatever you do.
There are probably many more reasons, but these are my intial thoughts.
You’re trying to get to know a person, right? That’s 1/3 of their day. It’s also an invitation for them to speak about themselves.
So why wouldn't you ask? There might be some potential for stereotyping but I believe in a positive rather than negative manner. I would probably not consider a librarian as boring or a real estate sales as greedy but would have a positive view of a female fighter pilot. I'm in the renewable energy field and have been for forty years. What might that say about me?
I think for many men, their job and/or career is so tied up with their sense of their worth as a human being that to them it seems like a very deep and meaningful question. This is also reflected in what happens when they retire: many men leave work for the final time, go home, sit on the sofa and die a few years later. Women, meanwhile, tend to get involved in all sorts of stuff post-retirement and often enjoy many decades after work.
That's in no way a criticism of men, but itis a criticism of the patriarchy - men being indoctrinated into believing that they must be dynamic, go-getting career-obsessed drones does neither men nor women (nor the rest) any favours at all. So, tell your boss to screw themselves, do only as much work as you need to do to get by, get a hobby and enjoy yourself.
A profession for many is the largest aspect of a person's life and will tell me a lot about them. In my opinion two of the most important questions you can ask someone to find out as much as you can about them are "what do you do for work/fun?"
What you do for 40 hours a week will mold and shape who you are. Assumptions are always poor form, but a construction worker rarely has to work with clients or press their intellectual envelope in order to do their job successfully. If a person has been doing that job for 10 years, then most likely they've accepted those aspects of their life and are somewhat content with it.
On the flip side if someone told me they spend 60 doing some other hobby, I'd ask more about the hobby as that will now tell me a lot about who they are.
There is no getting around the fact that who you spend your time with and what you spend your time doing shape who you are.
I ask the question more as a conversation starter. I basically know nothing about you in the beginning. Asking about your career is my semi conscious way of saying,"I actually want to get to know you and I'm not just interested in you because you look good".
For me, I'm curious how a potential partner spends her time and if she is engaging her passions in her work. It is not a deal breaker if she isn't, but I tend to be more attracted to motivated people that find ways to realize their passions and find a way to engage them intensely.
I tend to not ask questions like that. You are spot on when you typed that there are more important things to learn when getting to know someone. I loathe talking about work, and I am sure a majority of people do. So, I keep it simple. ' Want to sit by fire with Grog?'
The two greatest reason serious couples breakup is over sex or money. Money is greater, so she better have a job, and much better if she likes it.
Other reason is where do you spend most of your waking hours of your life. If she says a in front of a TV, I am running.
I think it says a lot about what sort of human you are really and how well suited you would be to me. I couldn't give a flying fuck about what you earn at all. I'm interested in every aspect for real and might be really interested if you did something I liked but had never tried. I'm an artist myself so I think that says I'm easy going, friendly and good with my hands perhaps. I think its more a matter of why you ask rather than if you ask.
It's really not that important to me what a woman does for a living I prefer that she is self-reliant but other than that it's not really my business right off the bat it also helps if it's not some form of career that does not allow you any time for personal relationships i
As a rule, I don't ask a woman I've just met what she does for a living until I've gotten to know her better. It will come up eventually in conversation, but at that point I think my impression of her as a person would supersede a general view of her career. Also, I believe some of my occupational biases are positive. For example, I'm the son of a teacher, so I tend to consider educators hard-working and dedicated.
Exactly. When someone places the conduct of a person, their demeanour, their sincerity, thoughts, or ability to make conversation, above the importance of his or her profession, this is someone I'd like to know.
I always laugh and say enjoy life! I then go into this philosophical conversation about that phrase. "What so we so for a living" I'm confused. I'm pretty sure I could survive in this world just living by the beach and doing nothing. Do we live to work? Or work to live? Or are you asking me what do I do to earn the funds to get what i want? I want to understand the purpose of this question. I never ask this question. I want to know about HOW a person lives their life and why.
"What would your reason be for asking a woman what she does for a living, upon meeting her?" - Well, i wouldn't initially ask a woman that, - unless she brings it up herself. Occupation may be how many men define themselves (not how i personally operate), but i am confident that most men do not measure a woman's attractiveness by what they do. (Let's face it, this is often gagued by her physical beauty to the man). If, in your personal experience this is an ongoing approach that men who you meet engage you in, i would preceive that you are surrounding yourself with men that might view you as competition in relationship to finnincial earnings. It could also be argued that if this is a man's approach to continuing a dialog with a woman it is out of lack of his own imagination to continnue much of a conversation with her.
If I were to ask it would not be right away. But eventually it would likely come up. It helps to know the person a little better but is not necessarily a big indicator of who that person is. The next question might be did you choose this occupation and/ or why are you doing this for a living.
To find out if we have mutual friends. For example, if she says she is a waitress, I'll say, "Do you know Kathy, she is a waitress." Just kidding...
Seriously though, I would ask that question to get to know her better. I enjoy and take my work seriously and it is something most of us spend most of our waking hours doing.
Well if she does porn or is a stripper I kimda want to know! Lol