I've always had difficulty rubbing elbows just for the sake of it. Perhaps I just haven't been motivated... But the last two jobs I had, there was very little overlap of interests with my co workers. Religion. Sports. Coach bags... not my stuff. And, I will not watch Honey Boo Boo just to have a break room conversation. I'd rather than off my own leg.
I just liked to say good morning and get to doing my thing. Unless I see common ground, it feels forced and awkward. Umm... So how about that weather...
How do you do with small talk?
One thing I love about Thailand..no silly "obvious" statements, so common in US culture, such as "Sure is hot today," or "Nice sunny day today."
These non-statements are meant to let people communicate politely without having to think of anything clever to say, or commit to a more lengthy conversation, just to show friendliness.
When I first came to Thailand, I had to fight that non-statement impulse because saying something like that only got blank, or inquiring stares. In general, people leave you alone unless you smile at them or otherwise indicate you want to talk.
Even very young children are taught not to stare at, or bother strangers.
Also, people typically don't talk on public transportation..even on their cellphones.
I quickly learned that when I tried to make friendly chit chat, everyone just stared at me, startled.
But since I prefer to read Kindle books during trips, I'm grateful for the peace and quiet.
Occasionally someone's-usually a woman close to my age- curiosity will be too much, and they will ask me what I'm doing there (wherever I happen to be), and if I respond in Thai, they usually ask what I do in Thailand.
But after I answer a few questions and exchange a few pleasantries, I am free to return to my book-nobody bothers me further.
But I can be a chatterbox if I meet someone exceptionally interesting, even overriding my "no non-statements" program, like when I saw a Thai teen near a remote beach village flying an amazing handmade kite that "sang" Thai music when the wind blew across cat gut hairs stretched across places on the kite frame.
I was all over him..did he make the kite? How long does it take? Do you sell them? How long have you..?
etc. etc. I was quite a pest.
hot enough for ya?
I hate small talk and will avoid it at all costs.
That said, I could be the best at it, if I cared to, because 1) I know the hacks for making people respond to, like, trust, and open up; and 2) many of my natural behaviors fall squarely in line with those "hacks" (e.g. look people in the eye, smile, pay attention, be interested in what they have to say, ask probing questions, listen more than talk).
You know how in the old days kids would roll a hoop along the ground, guiding it with a stick? The way to make someone love you through conversation is like that: survey your scene, pick a smooth direction, get it rolling with a gentle, well-placed and -timed push, and guide with little nudges here and there--interfere as little as possible. Bonus points if you do nothing at all.
Sounds like some serious insights there. You could be dangerous with that!
@Skado It's wasted on me. The world is safe.
I recognize its value as a social lubricant, but I am notoriously poor at it. It just doesn't hold my interest. I'm more like... "Hi, nice to meet you. Do you think we have free will?"
Sigh. My dream...
I'm a talker in general no matter what the conversation. I never shut up, I will tire myself out.
On the other hand, certain tones hurt me ears.
I would talk to a Cactus if it were standing still. Lol
Horrible at small talk. I avoid it whenever possible. If I have to have conversation, I’ll ask about their kids or significant other then space out. If you maintain a decent amount of eye contact no one knows or really cares that you’re not paying attention. Superficial conversation is more about the appearance of a connection anyway.
@orange_girl Generally, for me those are smile and nod situations. I’ve worked with some people for years and couldn’t tell you their children’s names if my life depended on it.
@orange_girl Generally, for me those are smile and nod situations. I’ve worked with some people for years and couldn’t tell you their children’s names if my life depended on it.
Beginning conversation with somebody I don't know is awkward for me, and I don't feel comfortable in social situations with people I don't know. If I can establish some common interest, I seem to be able to hold my own, as long as it isn't too loud, because I have some hearing loss. This rules out most bars.
And the weather has been great.
Cold here.
Me too on the hearing loss. Mine is all in one ear. In a crowded area, you could scream profanities from my left side for hours and I would just smile and nod and act like I had any idea what is going on.
I learned to lip read as a kid by necessity. It's fun in bars sometimes, when people across a crowded room have no idea someone else can tell what the are saying to their date.
@GeorgeRocheleau is it going to rain?
@btroje Winter is over, we had our two days of rain. I wouldn't be surprised if we don't get any more till July.
@Betty That's why I am here.
Its so boring. I could possibly care less about your feelings on the weather, the latest football score, or what fashions are best, but it would be tough.
I think my tolerance for small talk is limited to discussion about the weather — but the weather has some significance to me in the winter for driving conditions and snow removal, and it gives me an opportunity to bitch about something, so maybe it's not really small talk. But, yeah, I'm pretty awful at making small talk in general.
I don't like small talk, if I have nothing worth saying, I'll just stay silent. It always feels arbitrary and unnatural to do. I'll engage in it to an extent, but social butterfly I am not.
I'm good at it but I don't like it. I'd love to try this sometime. [wired.co.uk]
I guess I am.
I just go up and start talking shit.
Nothing directed at anyone. Just crack jokes for the sake of cutting that awkward shit in the beginning. Especially if the other person isn't great at small talk either.
Either side of the fence can be annoying to be honest.
I do not do 'small talk'. That is my nightmare....I like banter, though...getting creative...I think being quiet at work has cost me permanent positions in the few 'real jobs' I have attempted. I work hard at anything I do. And sleep during my breaks.
When I have to be for work. I don't mind shooting the breeze a little with people I meet walking my dog. I'll make an excuse and walk away when someone is intellectually challenged or annoying.
When I was 17 and as a beginner bank teller, I was great at the cash handling, good with numbers, polite, but I almost got fired for not doing the small talk. So I learned to fake it, and I fake it well. Just don't ask me to remember what anyone actually said.
I've always hated it but lately I just look at it as a chance to have some fun. Go off the ranch a little. See how people respond. It can be interesting. Other times I just stick to the weather.