This is just my personal opinion, and you can take it or leave it, but, I think you could benefit from some professional mental health counseling. You repeatedly used the term you were "forced to" do different things. I wasn't there, so I'm not judging, but it feels like you have a hard time standing up for yourself and telling people 'no'. It sounds like you are trying so hard to be loved, that you allow toxic people to take advantage of you.
I think we could all benefit from therapy at one point or another. I think that point for you is now.

It is the same for all of us. Gay, straight, bi, undecided, poly, etc. Anyone who has been in an abusive relationship will potentially have problems repeating the same mistakes unless something is done to heal that damaged self-esteem and feel like a whole, valuable person WITHOUT being in a relationship. It is in that clarity of being whole and confident that we are more likely to attract another whole, confident partner.

Take some time for you. Spend time ONLY with people who bring you up and make you feel valued or at least communicate to you that you are valued. I say that because even if you don't believe the good things they are saying, your subconscious is picking up on the positive seeds that are being planted.

You are worthy and you are valued, and even when that sounds unbelievable it is the truth. Go. Find yourself! You can do this!

You need to set boundaries. Ultimate, non-bending boundaries. No one ever makes you do something you don't want to do. You do it because you want them to "love" you and will do anything to feel important to someone. Be important to yourself. Say no. No is a complete sentence. Don't give in.

I also have had boundary issues within my past relationships, allowing myself to be coerced into doing things I was uncomfortable with. The thing that helped me most was just a sudden energy and inspiration to just stand up for myself and say, I'm not gonna take it anymore! It has to come from within.

You need to get yourself into a healthy frame of mind. I've had similar issues with past relationships. Once I realized that I am the common factor,I set out to get better. Go get a professional to help you. You matter, your needs and feelings matter and the most important thing is that YOU realize that fact and treat yourself accordingly. Good luck and happy travels .

Keep in mind that people are all different, you just ran into some losers. I see you’re in Cali, there’s plenty to be found there. Try looking for partners in a manner that you have yet to try. At the same time, stop looking. Socialize, meet people, do things you want to do. You’ll run into someone.

I'm very sorry you've had such rocky relationships. While I've only had one really bad relationship, I can empathise with that wariness to trust again. Getting hurt by someone you care for and believe cares for you as well is awful, and truthfully it will take someone truly worthy of your time to feel comfortable with dating again. It does get better, but it's a long road to that point. I'd suggest venturing into friendships first and seeing who they are without romance as a factor in your interactions, let them prove they aren't out to cause you more pain and grief.

I honestly get tired of hearing "it gets better." Prove it!!! I've had multiple mentally/emotionally abusive relationships, both male and female. I can't say I have anything close to an answer for you, just an understanding of that mindset.

You've been through an awful awful lot to be 20. My heart goes out to you.

I don't understand this. I guess my sexuality is more fixed and not as fluid as someone who can just switch teams like that. I understand experimenting with the same sex sexually just to know what it's like, but I could not see myself in a long term romantic relationship with someone of the same sex.

I think the most important thing for you is to work on yourself. That will include some self reflection and possibly some professional therapy. For instance if you tend to be a rescuer or fixer then you are likely to attact and those that need rescuing. If you are a nice and understanding person you are more likely to be taken avantage of and stay long after a regular person would have left. Being able to stick up for yourself, set and keep boundaries are very important. When you see Red Flags in another person, don't ignore them, take heed, walk away, run if necessary, go no contact. I fit the rescuer type and it drove healthy people away and attracted unhealthy people (married a Borderline Personality Disordered Woman), only by working on me has it helped. Take Care of YOU!

Emotional abuse can be pretty scaring and mess with a person's self confidence. It seems you had very callous girlfriends. I don't have an answer, but watch out for red flags: the person is disrespectful, walks all over your boundaries, or gets overly close in to short of a time period.There are some people out there that seem to "prey" on the overly kind and the best way to deal with them is to get them out of your life as quickly as possible.

I can understand your dilemma. I have had a string of rotten relationships too. Just understand that you're not the only one. You are young, and it's my opinion that you will overcome this. You just haven't met your significant other yet.

It is natural to have this fear of trusting women after everything that happened to you. By sharing your story you'll find that many people had similar experiences (for me the worst relationship happened to be with religious women for some reason). So that does little to restore your faith in humanity but still, imagine what life would be like if you were to be suspicious of everyone you meet? What if because of that fear you didn't allow yourself to open up again? You may prevent some hurt by using this strategy, but could you be happy? I've decided to keep seeing the best in every one, no matter how many times I'm wrong because even though it hurts when I'm wrong, I believe it would hurt much more and on a much deeper level if I stopped trying to connect to other people.

You're describing how many/most cis females treat their male spouses, although most males don't even notice it. They hand over their pay checks, obediently do their assigned chores, ask permission to see their friends, etc., but never complain because normal cis males are hard wired to obey females. Men with mixed gender traits are usually high IQ creative types and tend to have serial relationships, since they're too independent.

The instinct has an evolutionary use; studies show that unattached men tend to have destructive behaviors and that bringing women into lawless, violent towns in the west, civilized them, and people could raise children. Your instinct to obey females and hand over your money comes from your male traits, and I have the same thing, so keep my distance from females at work who instinctively realize this and keep asking for favors, and to borrow money.

I don't know the answer, though. Several times when I responded to a girl I liked, she immediately began taking over my life..dictating to me where to work, where to live, what furniture to have, bossing me around like I was her minion, showing insane jealousy if I talked to anyone else.

In my case, I'm only have 60% male traits, so my female side saves me. After a bit, I would feel outraged, ditch the relationship, and move on.

"nobody can take advantage of you without your permission"

"....kiss a lot of frogs..."

@KKGator nailed it about getting therapy, and the need for you to learn skills in order to take your power back from controlling types, as they can almost smell an easy mark. Good Luck!

The question is why are you choosing such people & investing so much of yourself before vetting them. I agree a councelor would help in sorting these issues out. When one is stuck, one needs a guide to navigate the maze that life often places us.

Perhaps, and please excuse me for saying this, your first girlfriend was merely exploring her budding sexuality. Youth is a confusing time sexually. I regret to say that I once dumped a wonderful boyfriend because I wanted to fit in and be straight so that my life would be less stressful. Obviously that heterosexual expirement failed, thank goodness. With regards to your second girlfriend, she was just an abusive and selfish bitch. I'm sorry she made you feel like dirt and robbed you of your self-esteem. But if it affects you now, it is because you are letting it by holding on to the painful chapter in your past. Let it go, girl. You deserve better as long as you are a better person.

Men can be users and abusers too, trust me. Let anyone into your life and you take these risks. You're better off just trying to learn the warning signs.

The 'walking ATM' thing I can relate to. At one point, I was left with -£5 (yes negative 5) a month to live on, with the rest either going on bills, or my (now) ex taking it, supposedly to put in the savings. She'd put the money in the savings and take it out a few days later and spend it. The balance kept going down rather than up. Home food and bills all paid, but out of that -£5, I was supposed to get my lunches at work and pay for at least two meals out for three, every week. I ended up on antidepressants, partly dealing with her depression, and partly as a way of ignoring my maxed out credit cards and going over my overdraft limit every month.

I think there's a correlation between not feeling worthy of women (mine programmed by my "all men are bastards" mother) and ending up with ones that will exploit the relationship. The power dynamic is all wrong because you're just grateful that they'll stay with you and fear creating a situation where they might not. They push boundaries, you don't push back, and before you know it, you're being exploited.

The funny thing is that since I gave up looking for sex or relationships with women, I actually get on with them really well.

The real issue is your second girlfriend, which it sounds like you were in a relationship with her for some time and she was very toxic -- "vampiric" is the real word I want to use. Something about that woman attracted you, and something about her kept you in that relationship. You chose that. You describe her as "forcing" you to do things. If she raped you by fear or force that's one thing, but that isn't the impression I get here -- it sounds like it was some sort of emotional co-dependency.

As you reflect on your experiences, that's the one to focus on. As you describe it here, your girlfriend preyed on your insecurities and self-doubt and used that as emotional leverage against you. You'll reflect upon this, as you surely already have, and the value to take out of that is to learn what signs to look for when someone does this to you in the future. When you see those signs, resist them. Communicate with your new partner clearly that this is not something you're willing to tolerate. If it persists after that, you need to seriously consider the DTMFA tactic.*

Your first and third girlfriends sound like variations on something that happens in hetero relationships a lot: getting used for sex. That kind of sucks when it happens, because while the sex is nice during the relationship when the novelty of the sex wears off for the one partner, she's out, and the other is left brokenhearted. You don't suffer alone, and the same-sex dimension to this really doesn't seem like it changes this all that much.

If I had a great answer for the risks and uncertainties about pursuing a new relationship, I'd share it with you. The best I can say is: women and men alike respond to self-esteem and confidence. Understand that you have value to add to a relationship, that someone will find you attractive, that someone will want to be with you because of who you are. The right woman is out there for you. Don't let fear, past scars, or insecurities stop you from putting yourself out there. Loneliness is its own kind of painful, and your odds of finding the right woman are better if you're doing social things than if you're holing up like a hermit.

• "Dump The Mother F[ish]er Already." Apologies to Dan Savage.