Well - after reading the many posts on the subject, and after being on other dating sites lately, without meeting anyone that happened to "spark" me, just by happenstance, I met this guy at the gym I go to. A very gradual development, that is growing into regular, and very pleasant, fun time together.
We have an uncanny amount of things in common, and yet in some other ways we're are polar opposites. He's a relatively recent widower, after a long marriage, and a Christian. And I am of course, a non-believer and well versed in the life of a dating single, along with having experiences I suspect he's never even imagined ... Meanwhile , after a few weeks time, and a whole lot of talking, we haven't even so much as kissed (not saying I wouldn't want to !). But I'm being cautious with his comfort level, after 29yrs with the same woman.
So he is certainly in a new world for him, and I'm finding that I am too - in a good , and mentally stimulating way.
I'll admit , when I heard him "God blessing" everyone (including me), at the gym on his way out, I thought "ugh" -no way". But I'm finding out he goes to a non- denominational church, and has a far more open mind than I expected. We had a deep discussion about all this, ending with me asking for him to leave out the blessing stuff with me. He got it. He respects where I am, and easily agreed. So, who knows ? I've always believed in the premise of "live and let live" - this appears to possibly become my ultimate test to walk the walk. Also a measure of how tolerant, adaptable, and mutually respectful two people can be, if there is a common goal.
To be continued ...
18
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GipsyOfNewSpain
Level 9
Mar 1, 2018
1
a fellow boater !
@evergreen for life.
Something is not quite right here as I'm following this but I am not there and having no knowledge or either of you cannot tell you what I am seeing. When you continue I will get back on and maybe will have a little more to relate about generally speaking.
Nevermind345
Level 7
Feb 28, 2018
0
I'm not looking for approval, merely relating things as they are thus far.
Non-denominational churches run the gamut in terms of open-mindedness, also some of them talk a good game but once you're on the inside things change markedly for the worse. If your new man-friend doesn't babble incessantly about his faith, pray at the drop of a hat, and he's not looking for you to convert as a condition to further intimacy and especially as a condition to cohabitation then ... maybe. But I'd be careful. The amount of communication you're describing is a good sign, as is your "live and let live" principle that you're seeking buy-in and living out from him.
If his faith is important to him and it's important that you share it with him at least in terms of sporadic attendance at his church, don't underestimate how much this might wear on you after a few years. Also don't underestimate the subterranean intolerance that might arise after awhile when it's noticed by others in his church that you're not sufficiently "committed". There WILL be social pressure for him to make you conform. He may well resist it, and there may well be no overt ultimatums issued to him. But at a minimum he'll be some form of second class citizen if he doesn't have a "godly" wife, unless this is a real outlier of an evangelical church. If that doesn't matter to him as much as you, then you're good. But even the danger that you could take a back seat to his faith is something to consider.
mordant
Level 8
Feb 28, 2018
0
I've already made it quite clear that I want no part of his church thing - none - ever. From what he told me, this church isn't one of the "militant" ones . I know well of the kind of which you speak - as my Sister and family are fully immersed in theirs up north !
If you both can truly respect each other's right to believe as you do, there is a real chance. My wife of 23 years is a staunch Catholic and I am an atheist, and our marriage has been a good one.
wordywalt
Level 9
Feb 28, 2018
2
Curious , do you discuss your belief differences any more, or have they become simply an accepted part of your lives, without issue ?
Well that is exciting! It's nice that it is going slowly I think and that you've had open discussions. He sounds open minded and I can definitely deal with those types of christians. I think if your political beliefs and other ethical values are in line, it's entirely possible to date and have a relationship with a believer.
Marcie1974
Level 8
Feb 28, 2018
1
Thanks for your thoughtful comment ! Yes, values, and dislike of the orange one align well. There is hope ...
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