Hi all!

I just wanted to share a date from hell story, as it’s bloody hilarious! I was going to submit it to a blog website I was a regular contributor to, but it’s a US site and I was worried it may alienate some of the readership, since atheists are not exactly popular that side of the pond

(Which I assume is one of the reasons why this website exists in the first place.)

Anyway, I was about 21 at the time and the year was 1999, and I was ready to party like it was, well, 1999.

I was studying Zoology / evolution at a University on the coast of Wales.

This was the same university where it’s tiny Christian society had named me the Antichrist three years running and had graffitied 666 on my door. I was firmly in the Richard Dawkins camp of militant atheism back then, and regularly took part in evolution vs creation debates in the debating society / drunken rants in the pub.

Don’t worry, I have mellowed with age ?

I was working in an OAP care home to finance my degree. A little while later a rather lovely student started working there too. Let’s call her ‘Amy’, to protect her identity, and to disguise the fact I can’t actually remember her name now – doh!

I do not usually mix business with pleasure, however it was nearing the end of term so I figured why not ask her out, if she says no it’s not like I will have to see her again.

So I did, and she said yes. I was well pleased.

Along came the night of the date. We were in one of the 52 local bars and we got to talking about what we were thinking of doing once we graduated. She then told me she was thinking of going on the ‘Alpha course’.

"Never heard of it" I said. "What’s that then"?

“It’s a course about Christianity” she replied.

I naturally assumed this was a comparative religion course run by the University, since I knew it already ran degrees in this.

(I knew someone who had studied the comparative religions degree. His final dissertation read “They are all a load of bollocks, and it’s a waste of time learning about any of them”. He is now a drug addled binman, so I suspect he didn’t pass).

“So you are staying on to do a second degree then? Your brave.” I quizzed.

“Oh, no, nothing like that. Alpha is a course run by the church. It teaches you how to convert to Christianity”.

…(insert stunned silence)…

Er, so you’re a white British currently non-religious university educated 20 something who wants to become religious?

…(does not compute)…

“Yes, of course, don’t you believe in God?”

“Er, no." (She clearly had no idea who I was.) "Excuse me, I need to nip to the loo".

The sirens in my head were screeching Abort! Abort! Abort!

Now, I had never had to bail on a date mid-date before, so I had no clue as to the protocol.

So I called my friend who we shall call Mr M. He was almost as much of a sceptic as I was. Almost.

“What do I do M? If I bail now it may upset her and I’ll look like the bad guy".

“Don’t’ worry. I got this". He replied. “I’m in town with a friend. How about we come over and join you. The date can then turn into a hang-out. No one gets hurt and you still get a Saturday night out".

Perfect I thought.

I headed back to the table and told her that a friend of mine was in town and was coming over for a drink or three.

*“Oh, ok. Erm, can I invite a friend too then”?

“Of course”.* I replied.

…(insert relief here)…

So M turned up with one of his friends in tow. I had not met him before. He was openly gay. No problem, I have gay friends too. All was well. All was civil.

Then ‘Amy’s’ friend turned up.

She was from Northern Ireland, and a devout Catholic. We discovered that it was she who had ‘introduced’ Amy to the Alpha Course.

Oh dear. This is not going to end well I thought.

I was right.

Amy, M and I were able to keep things civil. I was surprised by this, since M was not known for his tact or for suffering anyone he deemed a fool gladly unless he is stoned. Which he was not at the time (I think.)

The problem was between Amy’s self-righteous ‘Homosexuality is a sin and all gays will burn in hell’ friend and M’s "Out and proud, don’t knock it until you have tried it" friend.

After much debating / arguing / accusations / swearing she stormed off. Amy made apologies on her behalf and dutifully followed her.

“Well, you don’t see that every day”. I thought. “Methinks I dodged a bullet”.

The rest of the evening was spent in a drunken haze, trying to fend off amorous advances from M’s friend. If I had been bi I could have got lucky that night after all.

Damn my heterosexuality! ?

That’s my date from hell experience. What’s yours?