I don't do a background check. I would not be offended if someone did it to me. A woman can't be too careful.

Absolutely. Generally I do a Google search, check out their Facebook profile, and check the public court records in my state.

Twice I’ve come across guys who have OFP’s filed against them (order for protection, like a restraining order). Usually just find divorce record and old speeding tickets but did come across one guy who had multiple and recent DWI’s.

I fully expect men should do their due diligence as well. But have found most don’t.

I do not tell them and I don’t pay for any records. Everything I check is available to the general public.

Criminal, thief and liar

A man I dated briefly in 2016 turned out to be a criminal, thief and liar. Google Stephen Kent Brombach, Snohomish County Court. He scammed 17 friends and investors out of over $694,000 of their life savings, depositing their funds into his personal account.

How did I find out? I received a text from an unnamed stranger, alerting me to Stephen's court records, saying he has another girlfriend. The only way that person could have known my name and phone number (and the fact that I was dating Stephen) is from Stephen's phone. Of course he denied it.

This taught me to Google the name of men I meet.

Since we only dated for four weeks, I wasn't emotionally invested. Stephen claimed to love me. "Too much, too fast," I replied. "It's way too soon to talk about love."

"I'm going to win you back," Stephen said. "I cannot trust you," I replied. "We are not a couple. You are a liar and a thief."

I have done a minimal check. I think I will do a more extensive check in the future. This is definitely more of an issue for women in terms of safety.

It's funny that so far only men are responding to this in both places I posted it. I think it is a bit different for women..

The last time I used online dating it was to search for another woman and I didn't feel like I was in physical danger so I didn't worry as much.

Once I know the correct first and last name I run it through the court system website to check for tickets and other things. I found A LOT of information on a few people... Enough to make me back away. Prescription drug fraud or multiple DUI... Nope!

I had a girl ask me if she could do a BI. I didn't know whether to feel flattered or insulted. But I put myself in her position. She came over and told me I had two speeding tickets... I told her I actually had 4! She said I was good to go otherwise. I looked into her eyes and jokingly said, "That's because all the acquittals don't show!"

Her eyes got big as saucers!

No, I just carry on a two-year email conversation with them first, and that usually tells me everything I need to know.

I just use free searches, but I am able to find out a lot about most people this way. A lot of my dates have freely discussed doing this with me too. One used a paid service since he had access to it for another purpose. It's pretty normal to do and really kind of dumb not to in this day of easy information access.

I also meet in a public place at least the first time. I give my whereabouts and who I am with to someone close. At the very least, if I get murdered he will be caught and not do it again.

I ask for full name and age before I meet and do google and other searches. If I meet, I ask for look at driver’s license. I usually text a friend that I am meeting with that person and have also taken a picture of their car with license plate and sent it. I had a guy ask me why I felt comfortable getting into a car with a stranger and I told him my friend just got a picture of his car and license and a description and name so if anything happens to me, he’s the first person they’re coming to interrogate.

I use carfax AND autocheck BOTH when buying a used car.

Should an online friend turn into something as long term as a used car, I would want to at least know as much about them as I do about a used car

With internet dating I think it's smart . I wouldn't ask and if they got upset dump them . It's a wild world out there .

If you talk to some or meet them, just use your common sense and listen to you intuition.

I will at least Google them. And I usually check Facebook. I don’t ask them, I just do it.
Generally, I’ll meet them in a public space. If they are local, a coffee date is quick & inexpensive. If that goes well, then ask for a 2nd date ....

I am not in the habit of doing this, though it does sound like a good idea.

I probably still won't though .... I mean, the odds of two serial killers being in the same place is kind of remote, .... right??

I have on occasion. You can do a public records search for free. You need to know the city they live in though.

I Google them and run an image search on any photos they may have sent me (even the unsolicited dick pics). And I'm always keeping it in a public place that's not too close to home until I feel comfortable with the person.

Other than Facebook, or maybe a google search - I don’t do much checking.
I met one woman who asked to see my drivers license, immediately upon meeting.

I can understand where a woman would feel a need to confirm what an online date might be saying about himself.

Honestly, no I don't. I am very okay with a date sexually molesting me.

If I decide to put myself out there on a a dating site again, I will likely do as I did in the past, and google them if I feel unsure, but generally just meet in a public place.

I live on a small island, so chances are my intended date would know someone I know or have some connections I can verify if need be.

I'm pretty easily googled, and I have never been upset when prospective dates have read what's easily available about me online.

No.

I see a lot of great tips here - Google, Facebook, open records searches, use your gut etc etc. Understand when all these efforts pass muster, you’re still vulnerable. From prior experience, I’ve learned to always have a detailed safe call including a safe word (ie when your friend calls, if you say a particular word, they call the authorities). Most bars know what an “Angel Shot” is. Google it. Finally, one night I let a guy walk me to my car after the first date. The next day I had flowers on my front porch. A nice sentiment, sure, but he must’ve followed me home - creeped me out. I have more stories, but bottom line, take your time getting to know someone, stay safe and have fun! ♥️

I can see that women have a completely different perspective on this, and I understand. I put careful thought into making the woman feel safe and comfortable by encouraging her to select place and time for meeting. I also don't ask probing questions - I let her tell me whatever she wants to about herself.

As far as self-protection goes, I may give my secondary phone number if I'm suspicious at all. I never give out my home address, but describe the neighborhood. No woman has ever been interested enough to stalk me, but it seems like an important thing to avoid.

I suspect that the extra care I take - to help them feel safe - probably makes me seem less masculine to them. At least, it seems that way.

I don’t pay for background checks. I do search on my own through google, LinkedIn, Facebook...and I never meet in a secluded location.

Back in the day before Internet dating I met a woman in a bar. We hit it off and she invited me to her apartment. She started talking about the Holocaust, saying it never really happened. I bolted from her apartment and never looked back.

We take chances, remain cautious, follow our instincts...whatever is necessary to navigate the world of dating.

I've noticed that people have checked out my LinkedIn profile or asked to friend me on Facebook before meeting in the evening. Never been insulted, but then again, I'm an oversharer.