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Why is it so hard to find a lover that shares the same beliefs?

I guess common sense isn’t so common! Trying to find love with another atheist really narrows your search down! Not many people claim their atheism! Even though it is slowly becoming more acceptable in society, it’s still hard to find someone on the same page! I know they’re out there, they just don’t represent it enough to where likeminded individuals can find them and establish some kind of communication! I just don’t understand why common sense isn’t common!

MikeReynolds 4 Nov 11
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9

Imagine how I feel! I've got the Triple Whammy. Try finding a Black woman, in the South, who doesn't "love gawd and his son Jesus Christ". I'd have a better chance of finding a real live unicorn!

I don't live in the south, or the US (thank gawd), but it is very difficult finding a black or latino guy that is not religious that is for damn sure. Both demographics are soo attached to the stupid christian faith... perhaps the newer generations will slowly become less religious, but who knows.

Hey! "You better get right with God."

You might have to find one and change her mind . . . . no easy task, but not impossible either. There are a lot of people who do not realize that religion was pedaled to black folks with the express purpose of taking advantage of them. Check out some of the reviews written by people on this book. I have not read it myself, but this is probably one of the more powerful angles of attack one could hope for to literally destroy Christianity in the black community. I myself have had the audacity to debate practically anyone who has crossed my path on the subject of religion, and the perfect mindset for doing so is to be knowledgeable about both sides of the arguments, (know their views, their book), view it as a challenge, and, add flair to it, to show just how much cooler it is to be a non-believer as opposed to Christianity . . . One of the things I use often is that Christianity is a divisive force in the world, it limits its benevolence to only believers, and calls non-believers "swine", clearly a hate term, why not seek what is best for ALL of humanity? Load up with mental ammo and hit them hard, they will not know what hit them.
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[amazon.com]

You're a unicorn, yourself. I live in a pretty Bible-y area of rural Illinois, and all the men are religious no matter their skin color.

@Mooolah Bless your heart!

8

It is because you live in the US.

7

It was a bit weird until we signed up with Agnostic. Beerkrump and I are about to hit the one-year anniversary of our first message. One year later, I've quit my job, moved to TN, we share a place together, and are taking it one day at a time. We both came to Agnostic intentionally, and were up front about who we are and what we want. It worked for us! Not exactly sure how. Probably the one-day-at-a-time approach, and the major compatibility factors are met (atheist, vegetarian, etc). Here's hoping for many more days together! ❤.

7

I think one of the problems is try8ng to find a lover. It is like trying to define a relationship without the other half of the relationship. I think most people meet their eventual lovers while NOT looking for them. That is why the community aspect of this site is more valuable than the dating aspect. Just participate in what interests you. You will find out whom you like and whom you like less. Will you find a lover? There is no more of a guarantee here than offline but yep there is a chance. But you might have fun meanwhile and that's different from the meat market scene!

g

Well said. Take the edge off

4

Atheist women seem to be extremely scarce. If you find a Religious woman who can tolerate an atheist I wouldn’t disqualify her. I’ve been married to one for 44 years and it’s still working.

Yes, my Grandad was atheist and he stayed with my Grandma for most of their lives, they even dated after they split up 😉

I might be able to do that if that partner wasn't constantly concerned about my everlasting soul

I am an atheist woman! We're here! We're here! We're here!

@TheoryNumber3 My wife and I have agreed not to discuss religion or my lack of it. It’s been working for 44 years but even though she goes to church regularly she’s not a religious fanatic. Being married to one of those might be differcult.

4

As an atheist since age 13, I feel comfortable dating Christians. If they try to convert me, I'm out.

4

Scientists at the university are working 24/7 to figure this out. Look for an answer sometime in 2147.

I thought you would have said "in 2417" to bring the bad pun full circle.

3

I live in Dallas Texas.

Dating apps are almost impossible for me.

I could just say "I LOVE JESUS AND WILL TREAT YOU LIKE SHIT!" and probably have better luck.

3

I don't think I know any atheist women in person, or at least open ones...

And within your age demo.😓

@Barbarabkind Yes that too...smh

3

Because there is no structured community meeting of non religious people or easy identifiable symbols plus the small amounts of out of closet atheists.
Plus being a passive religious person (not participating in anything related and not worrying about it in general) is very easy and aggregates the social prestige regardless, so a lot of people just keep saying they are religious.

2

It's because although you can give yourself a label, be it christian, atheist agnostic etc. Etc, this only gives people a rough idea of your mindset. It doesn't tell them who you are, or anything about you except whether you are a man of science, faith, possibilities etc. It helps sure, but in the end, you still have to play the dating game, which is never easy. I'm still single too

Good point ! Regardless of what position one takes , there is still the day to day routine of living , likes and dislikes to deal with. My Girlfriend is what one call spiritual and I have come to rely on me as the source we’ve been together for close to three years and we respect each other’s space. That’s what I believe is critical; mutual respect, transparency, and honesty. What you or anyone is looking for in someone else requires us to live our life in such a manner that we attract that . Just my perception.

I will agree to a lot of that, The idea is letting someone get to know you, if your on a dating website there is the idea of putting non religious. Perhaps giving someone the chance to know you. From my own personal experience I am used to getting in my own way and I can recognize that as a hindrance to someone wanting to get to know you, they might be more keen on getting to know you and the need for the Neon Sign could get in the way

2

You're an atheist. You knew the dealio from the get-go. It's hard to find someone who shares those beliefs because they're not that many around. You're looking for an albino unicorn.

This.

2

Can I practice with a horny Christain, until an
intelligent agnostic comes around for a real relationship?

2

I’m always fighting the hermit inside of me.

I gave up and embraced my hermit.

@SAMae Yeah but even hermits get lonely sometimes 🙂

@TheoryNumber3 I am forced to agree. The mountain does get lonely at times. Must be why I leave to visit my kids on occasion.

2

I think one reason why it is harder to find someone who shares your own beliefs is that so much more information is available today. With all the new information available people are not informed of the same things nor to the same extent, and people vary as to what they remember or focus on about the things they learn.

On top of that most people seem to think of humans as rational, when most major decisions people make in life are more emotionally (irrationally) based. As animals we are still subject to our instincts, which manifest primarily as emotional responses. Most people have to literally be taught (or learn how) to trust rationality over their emotions in order to be (mostly) rational.

I think in this age finding someone compatible is generally relative to how willing you are to accept and respect differences that dont' match 100% with your own.

The last sentence of this is spot on for several reasons. It is delusional to think that we will find someone that matches up with us exactly; on top of that it would be boring as hell! For most of us on this site I would imagine that being atheist or agnostic is a must and this is reasonable.

I must say that I don't care for emotions being equated with irrationality. There is mounting evidence that animals do in fact have and display emotions. [cracked.com]. ... Would these animals be described as "irrational?" or unreasonable? Being human means to temper decisions with thought and emotions. When we don't we see for example, insulin prices quadrupling in less than a year. Humans MUST maintain a balance between logic and emotion.

@JustAskMe Emotions have and do serve a purpose. I myself have met persons who I just knew instinctually were "bad news". When I followed my instincts I did well, when didn't I usually regretted it. However, I have also experienced where I felt a need to follow along with a group when I knew it wasn't right or rational.

I didn't really make the point above, but people think that just because humans are capable of rational thought that makes them rational animals. However, when left to their own devises people don't always make rational decisions

As an example, the Chicago school of economics based theriu economic theories on markets based on available information and that people would act rational based on the information available. however virtually every investment plan based on that idea has failed... because people don't act rationally when caught up in emotions.

In a simple hunter gatherer type of culture the emotions that we evolved would serve us well for survival. However, when yo9u compare the fear of a dropping stock price to the fear you feel from a predatory animal, it can feel the same, but the risks are very different. You shoudl not invest as if your life depends on the outcome. But emotionally, you may emotionally feel like it is life or death

In short, in isn't that emotions are irrational, so much as our culture has developed much faster than our ability to evolve appropriate reactions to it.

I hope that explains things a little more clearly.

@snytiger6 Yes, and thank you I really appreciate your response and would like to add that there are different types of decisions that need to be made and they call for different types or amounts of rationality or emotion. We need a balance. ... What I fear is the CEO types running corporations who make all decisions based on getting that higher stock price with no regard for how it effects other human beings. Consideration of others takes emotion, not logic.

And here is something interesting. ... If these folks were to apply emotion, perhaps they wouldn't be so ready to commit crimes? [psychology-criminalbehavior-law.com]

@JustAskMe Those CEOs who take actions on what benefits themselves with no regard to the company are mostly sociopaths. They either completely (or mostly) lack empathy, and are usually pretty narcissistic (self centered/in love with themselves) as well. They are NOT normal people.

@snytiger6 Absolutely! And it's a large part of their success!

@JustAskMe Sadly so. Too bad society tends to worship the success of sociopaths instead of those who stive for a better humanity.

2

The saying, "you gotta kiss a lot of toads" applies to Any relationship

2

I'm just looking for someone who can accept me as I am. That should include beliefs.

Ain't we all!

2

First "date" I had with my senior prom was with a minister's daughter. I went with her and her family when they went to pick out her dress and we ate at Red Lobster that night......and that's when her mother told me of the time she (and yes, I AM quoting here) "danced with Jesus."

Not figuratively. LIT-TER-A-LLY. As in just popped on up and did the Heavenly hokey pokey with the son of God himself.

That ceased any romantic hopes I may have had.

@K9Kohle789 When people say they'll pray for me, I usually tell them I'll think for them. I really hate that line.

2

Welcome to the asylum. Enjoy your stay.

I hope things improve for you and other atheists.

2

And if you live in a conservative xian community your odds go down sharply.

2

You have to get out of the house and do things that you enjoy with other people. No two people will share 100% the same beliefs. If they did it would probably be pretty boring.

2

I went on a date "of sorts" with a woman this summer. My date cancelled and sent her friend .. ....
But anyway.

Almost the first words out of her mouth were the need for her future husband to be a believer.
Well that ended it before it began 😂

I seriously didn't have marriage on my mind going into this "date" anyway

twill Level 7 Nov 11, 2019

She mentioned marriage on a first date? Wow!

@GreatNani Yes and she has not been married since 1996

@twill that's very odd. And off putting. I am not sure how I would respond to something like that.

I dunno. Maybe she just had an announcement to make........And I was the audience member .
I don't recall responding at all.

2

Atheists are still a minority in the US even though new atheists grow faster than any individual religion. Unfortunately it is very hard to find a good partner that shares similar interests, political views, and is atheist as well. Atheism isn’t my first priority anymore. I can even accept slightly different political views. As long as someone isn’t on one extreme or the other, I don’t mind different opinions. Really, what matters to me is to share interests, get along, be at the same cultural/educational level. Asking for more nowadays means you’ll be by yourself.

2

If you figure out the answer to this question, let me know

1

When I got married to a non religious believer 30 plus years ago I was not concerned about finding another nonbeliever but only about getting involved with an individual that was not overly religious and did not take religion to seriously.If they are just believers and not constant church goers and except your non belief I see nothing wrong with this .It has worked out fine for me .

It’s worked fine for me as well for 44 years.

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