Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
Our fearless hiking leader, Gro, selected Devil's Gulch for today's hike. Even in August, your lips nearly turn blue and you get goosebumps down in the shady gully. Hence the name. But today's high in town is barely above freezing.
This morning at 6 a.m. I sent Gro a text saying I'm not coming. At 9:40 she emailed: "We're here" (at the meeting place). My reply: "I sent you a text at 6:00 a.m. I decided not to hike today in Devil's Gulch. Too cold. Have fun."
"We r heading to trail head," she replied. "I don’t have ur phone # on my new phone. 952."
Why do I feel guilty? As a small, exothermic (heat-producing) ectomorph, I get hypothermia easily. With high exertion, my clothes get soaked with sweat which then freezes. I carry extra clothes in my pack. Must change into dry clothes before sitting down for lunch.
The biggest issue is I feel like a wimp by not going. It's not my fault Gro didn't give me her new phone number.
With guilty feelings, it's hard to think rationally. Your thoughts?
11
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17 comments
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.communications screw up ... not your fault ... nothing to feel guilty about
ShadowAmicus
Level 8
Nov 28, 2019
1
Ah yes, the old ' make them feel guilty ' ploy, know that one very well, had it used on me more times than I care to remember.
The last time anyone tried to use it on me I simply asked them, " If I do what you are asking then will do the laundry, the housework, the gardens, the dishes, clean the bathroom and scrub out the toilet at my place in return?"
It worked so well that I've never been made to feel guilty about saying no ever since.
Though having said that, there are times when I willing drop everything to help out friends in need and when I get calls from children or youths ( male or female) that are in desperate need of counseling, but, to my way of thinking, that is what any decent and caring human being should and would do.
Triphid
Level 9
Nov 26, 2019
2
It's OK to bow out. Don't let them "guilt" you. The more you take care of yourself first the easier it will get.
BitFlipper
Level 8
Nov 26, 2019
2
Identify the predator and recognize that you are not their victim. There are a few reasons to choose such a route at this time of the year and they are all negative, sadomasochistic reason.
You chose not to take the bait, this annoyed her because you got away - Predator 0 and Smart Person 1!!!
Be Free, it is the best thing you can ever do, for yourself and for others.
Surfpirate
Level 9
Nov 26, 2019
1
Sooo glad you posted this (but not for the reason you may think).
Just read this and thought, who do I know who might get a laugh (or groan) out of it?
[viewfromthebleachers.net]
JackPedigo
Level 9
Nov 26, 2019
2
Hilarious! Thanks for the link.
The Healing Power of Nature
A large body of evidence has shown that spending time in nature is responsible for many measurable changes in the body.
Japanese researchers found:
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People who spent 40 minutes walking in a forest had lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol, which is involved in blood pressure and immune-system functions, compared with when they spent 40 minutes walking in a lab.
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Trees and plants emit aromatic compounds called phytoncides, that, when inhaled, can spur healthy biological changes.
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When people walk through or stay overnight in forests, they often exhibit changes in the blood that are associated with protection against cancer, better immunity and lower blood pressure.
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Recent studies have also linked nature to symptom relief for health issues like heart disease, depression, cancer, anxiety and attention disorders.
From "The Healing Power of Nature," Time Magazine, July 24, 2016
@LiterateHiker Since the forest is all around me and a big part of my time is working in nature I guess I'm in good shape.
I think feeling guilty when you know you're not just shows you're sensitive to the other's feelings. I think that's commendable. It's only pathologic if you come to believe you're guilty just because you feel so.
Wallace
Level 7
Nov 26, 2019
1
Well damn I'm pathologic ?? at least I know now Thanks Wallace
No need for guilt. It is best to take care of yourself first. 
BestWithoutGods
Level 8
Nov 26, 2019
2
I think you think and feel like you are letting others down by saying no to someone or something. We women have a lot of it. Men don’t. It’s time to change and think and do what is best for you. The first time is the most difficult when we say no but it becomes easier and easier as time goes by. You take good care of yourself girl. This site would not be the same without you. I am sure this situation is not the only one that you feel guilty about. Time to stop it. Think, are you a mean not caring person, no you are not and that is what is true. You cannot be everything for everyone, not even for your child.
Jolanta
Level 9
Nov 26, 2019
1
@Seeker3CO I see you live in the US where bombardment of religion is a daily occurrence. It takes a long time to realise that we don’t have to live our lives as “others” wants us to. Our parents are often the main culprits of leaving us with horrible feelings of guilt. Sometimes there is a constant stream of well meaning verbal abuse, we will never amount to anything, we are ugly, we are stupid, and so it goes on. Until we believe it. Not an easy thing to overcome unfortunately. Do your best, look at your life and ask your self, is there any reason why you should live your life according to someone else idea.
You have absolutely nothing feeling guilty about. You made your mind up based on health concerns. Notified the number you had been given. Gave your reasons. End of story. Your only one in complete control of your own destiny. Can not feel guilty for someone not updating you on there phone number. If any think that is there guilt . But really why even think about this now it is history and will not change anything in your life ? Warm guilt hugs lol
RoyMillar
Level 9
Nov 26, 2019
1
You are not a mind reader. One would think that when a person swaps out their phone, they transfer the contact list to the new phone. She is the group leader, I would think it would be her responsibility to keep all informed if she changed her number. You made a good faith effort to report that you would be absent.....what more could you have done.....nothing that I can see.
LizBeth
Level 7
Nov 26, 2019
2
So your group leader didn't take into account the weather and your physiology when planning the event and you feel guilty?
All I can say is its a good thing I didn't know you when I was an evil manipulator.
1of5
Level 8
Nov 26, 2019
2
@1of5
Very funny!
Gro hikes so fast, she leaves everyone behind. She's an introvert. It's hard to get her to talk. It's a challenge.
1of5:
@LiterateHiker well good luck with that!
Seriously though, it's a physical limitation that you have that should be accounted for - i know, its a physical activity which requires blah blah blah of the participants - which is why it's even more important to be judicious is selecting where to go. Gotta get everyone out that you got in.
Anyways, hope the next hike makes up for missing this one.
You seem be exactly that.
No. No. No.
Do not allow her (there, now I edited, too), or anyone else, to make you feel guilty about anything.
Guilt is useless, and a complete waste of energy.
It's often used to manipulate.
I do not do guilt, and no one can make me.
Don't let anyone do it to you.
KKGator
Level 9
Nov 26, 2019
5
Thank you. Because of your reply, I clarified that Gro is a woman. It's an unusual Norwegian name.
You're right, of course. The nagging feeling that I'm wimping out is hard to shake. I think of myself as strong and capable.
@LiterateHiker Perhaps you expect too much of yourself. You have no need of justifying to anybody. (Easy to say, I know!)
I’m currently doing another degree and I have this ridiculous mentality that if I’m not ahead I’m behind. I understand that insane internal dialogue.
@LiterateHiker Being strong and capable has nothing to do with knowing your limitations.
Actually, it's quite the opposite.
You know you are more susceptible to hypothermia.
Not putting yourself in harm's way is extremely smart.
Now, knock it off and make yourself a nice cup of tea.
Stay warm.
Thank you, darling! I appreciate your kind reply.
You're right. Thanks for your wise reply.
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