Thank you. I have fallen victim before and if I can help someone else avoid those mistakes I'd be happy.

It generally is a very good group. However I have noticed a new member who exhibits this behaviour and decided to put this out there.

@Aralt male in the instance I witnessed. As I said though, I've known women to do it as well.

It is insecurity and viewed objectively its a fairly successful strategy for getting and keeping exclusive access to a mate. Not the biggest, baddest or most attractive male around? Get a female and gaslight her into complete emotional/financial dependance on you. Doesn't make it subjectively more palatable but it does explain why it happens and why it's as widespread as it is.

I hate that macho bullshit. my asshole brother=in-law has broken my sister like that. fucking bullying prick. I hate bullies.

@LeighShelton I'm so sorry. Having that happen to someone you love sucks.

I'm just not like that, I think you should both be equal like a two-piece jigsaw and complement each other but it's partly her fault too for allowing it to happen. it's probably why I'm single but I get no drama and never argue. thanks anyway @Blindbird. I would hate the thought of someone being with me because they had too rather than wanted to.

Yep

Yes. That is very true.

Yes. The problem is that not everyone is very secure. We have some members who I feel are particularly vulnerable and I don't want to see them get hurt. I'm mama bearing I guess. We've got a new member who looks like a fox in a henhouse to me.

@Blindbird Can't say that I've noticed. Not sure if that makes me self-absorbed, or just oblivious. Not sure which is worse.

@KKGator neither. You're secure in yourself and thats great. It's not true of everyone, though it would be nice if it were.

@Bierbasstard Okay, color me oblivious. What am I missing?

@Bierbasstard lol I may be guilty of all three.

@Blindbird You wouldn't be alone!!

Yes, yes I do.

@Blindbird yeah that was a lot of bloviating that said almost nothing.

@memorylikeasieve not really look up the terms, well educated. Thanks for the judgment.

@Etre if the shoe fits...

Bahaha. Thanks. I enjoy the whimsy of your profile pic!

@Blindbird Just call me Peter, as in Cottontail or Lord Whimsy.

Oh yes. Mine would frequently bring up how he couldn't believe I'd had kids with my ex, how he felt my line of work was beneath his social status and how my sex drive made me "deviant" as a woman. Anything they can latch onto.

@Blindbird It's just as pitiful as people who have to have the last word when they're clearly in the wrong!

@WickedNicki looool. Is that guy still arguing with himself back there?

@Blindbird For the sake of my sanity I haven't checked.

@Bierbasstard well in his case, he was stating that A) it was the only reason I was with him(but he was somehow too good for me at the same time?) And B that it was only a matter of time until I cheated on him despite the fact that I've never cheated on anyone in my life. Crazy and crazy making

@Bierbasstard @Blindbird I too have dealt with that and never in my life have cheated. So weird.

I did call out the one I came across. I felt a discussion of the issue was a good idea. We have some vulnerable members and I'd be sad to see them fall prey to this.

@Blindbird really you are a psychologist, again.....

@Etre stop tagging me. Creep

@Blindbird I've been on here less than a week and I've noticed negging. Generally from young, white, angry guys who see this forum as a way to blast anti-feminist rhetoric. I assume they aren't getting the responses they believe they are "entitled" to get.

@Louie406 I suggest you read the entirety of the post. She started this thread in reaction to post that I made from an experience I posted about wilst in my twenties. I reported the matter to a moderator who is a Psychologist.

Yes you are right. No law was broken. But since the conversation was directed at me I have every right to defend myself and Honor. Accusations and horrible statements were directed at me.

First of all how can you negg someone on this platform. I made a post about my experience with my exwife wilst in my 20's, full of ego and pride. The post was taken out of context ans she went into this rant about she feels like she is seein negging on here. ..... really.... oh by the way I posted in education and philosophy.... i did not post in lets hook up for a date. The facts are in the details, which most know nothing of.

Thank you for your time.
Etre

Yep

Yep. Wish I'd known.

@Blindbird yea...not something everybody knows. It happens to alot of people. Some people won't show their toxicity until later into a relationship anyways.

@sadoslim yeah. One of the reasons I felt compelled to write this post.

@Blindbird, I don't blame you. I'm in a poly-relationship. My wife and I have our separate things going because we have so much love to give. We try not to make each other feel bad by voicing what's on our minds all the time. Sometimes we have a little difficulties, but we work so wonderfully together. I actually think when we became poly, our sex life became so much stronger and better. Even though it was already amazing before...it just made it that much better. I think the most important thing is that we love each other very much and try to listen and communicate with one another without belittling each other. It's definitely an interesting situation. I've always felt poly and this is the first relationship where I could do it.

You nailed it. The first paragraph anyway. I find that its only words. If i called someone a Son of a bitch in greek and they didnt understand it, are they insulted? Its all in the interpretation.

Yeah, you might have to be a high level of psychopathy then. If you aren't effected by your surroundings, that is a good indication. My friend Otto used to say this years back. Then I would piss him off on purpose. When he got pissed, I would say,"So you want to be pissed?" The first time (the only times after that were when he was drunk...haha). He said, yes it is my choice. So I pissed him off more. A lot more. "You must really like to be pissed, then. Shall we continue?"....haha...good times, good times...hehe

@JayJackson even if they did understand Greek - but they also have a solid sense of self, chances are good they won't be effected too deeply - or perhaps at all. To me, it's our choice how we react to something.

Not a lot by any means. I wrote this when I saw an instance and that was the first I saw after 3 months maybe.

Thank you. I too had a short relationship with a narcissist and I'm ashamed to say he did a good job of breaking me down even in the few months we were together. I know what it did to me and I'd hate to see someone else go through it.