What's done is done; you can't undo it. I don't think I would trust him in their hands again, at least not for an extended period, and I would be very clear in explaining why.

My reaction would have been one of unchecked fury. Sometimes being the adult requires this, especially if one has parents so thick-headed that they think they can get away with going behind your back to break the rules you make regarding your children. Zero tolerance for this.

My mouth is dropped. I don't know what to say. I'm shocked they would be so brazen. Wow.

As a grandparent myself , I couldn't even imagine disregarding my daughter's right to decide how to raise her kids. If you decided to limit your son's contact with his grandparents I wouldn't blame you.

I would be livid.

My son's father did that after our divorce. He also had long blonde curls.

And not just any haircut but a severe military type buzz cut. .

He was maybe three in a half, or a little older and he looked in mirror shortly after and very sadly said that he wasn't cute anymore.

Tore my heart out.

He grew it long again as a teenager. Then had a mohawk for awhile, thankfully that was a short-lived phenomena.

As for future possible haircuts, depending on the size of your community could you visit local barbers or salons and let them know of the issue?

I would be furious. I have the same policy with my daughter's hair (that she chooses if it gets cut, and so far she hasn't wanted to either), and if someone cut her hair (or did anything that I had specifically told them not to do), it would be a long time before they saw her again. Violating both your and his consent is really low, even if it's something small.

That is a tough one. I would be pretty pissed.

I don’t like conflict myself, but ignoring it will just compound the problem. What happens when they cut his hair again in 6 months? If it was me, I would let them know that I didn’t appreciate what they did and feel it is very disrespectful to ignore my wishes.

If they blew it off, and said something along the lines of me over reacting, I would ask them how they would feel if I swapped the angel off their Xmas tree for a pagan symbol. It is a small silly thing, but would be very disrespectful.

A coworker is having the baptism argument with in-laws as well and has joked that they probably have done it behind their back.

Good luck with how ever you choose to handle it.

I would make it clear to them that they have shown total dis-respect to you and as such I would withhold any respect for them until they can show that they respect your wishes. I wouldn't say it in confrontational way, just rational and honest- human to human

Pissed off and loud about it..make perfectly clear that they have/had No Right to go behind your back and wishes..and I would clear the air about the baptism thing as well..

It's clear they do not respect you, or your way of parenting your children. I'd be limiting their access from here on out. I sure wouldn't allow them any kind of unsupervised visits. They cannot be trusted to respect boundaries.

I forgot to add that I am very impressed that you let your kid pick his own hairstyle.

I think it is good to let children make as many decisions as possible. It teaches them respect, and gives them confidence.

It drives me nuts when I hear someone at work making doctor appointments, or calling in sick for their 20 something year old “child”. If you don’t let them grow up and make their own decisions, they will never be successful in life.

Happened with my daughter. My ex had weekend visitation and he was frustrated brushing her long curly hair almost to her waist. He had his sister do it without consulting me and was I pissed. She had been my friend and business partner but lost contact after I threw him out and he ended up there. Nothing I could do. Never did it again. Still has long hair at 22.

Oh hell no. You make the rules for your kids. Not them. My response would be: I know you love my kids, but you don't get to make these decisions. It was a disrespectful. You don't get to get back at from when I was an asshole when I was a kid. You're adults. Act like it or your time with my kids will be limited.

I am not Blessed to be a grandparent... but they are totally Wrong. I was raised by my grandmother and I did not received my first haircut until my 3rd BD. It is your Child and that is Grounds to Fight. They stepped over the line. Wishing you the best on your illness.

As someone who had long hair for many years prior to a cancer diagnosis, I assure you that it will likely grow back. Being forced to shave my head was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but my hair recovered from it.

thank u all. i pretty much am getting from what i have read, that my choice 2 have future visits supervised isnt an over reaction. i honestly love them and am happy my son has them in his life. but i feel that we need 2 be clear that this is not ok.

I'd go up the wall ,that's actual bodily harm , how much do handle I don't know but I know there'd be lots of swearing

I would definitely voice my opinion on this & your husband needs to speak up too.

I have 4 grandkids & if either of their parents say no , whether its an outing, event, food stuff, whatever, I follow those rules because.... I do not want to undermine their authority as a parent with their children & I want to be welcomed into their homes & lives as a support, not a bone of contention.

OK, I may have killed them.
When my daughter was 4 she had lovely long hair, I got hoem one day to be greeted by hair crying as her mother had taken her and had all her hair cut off. Neither my daughter nor I have ever forgiven her mother. They are ex's for reasons.

Baptism concerns me more than the hair issue (even though I agree with everyone else). Baptism is a decision that only a well informed individual should undertake. Children don't have enough information to undertake such a commitment. This why most commitment ceremonies occur during childhood; they don't know any better.

my mother tried this on with my children - I did obliquely threaten her with not seeing them again if she was goign to overrule' me 'the parent' After a while my father stepped in to monitor her and things got slightly better I rather thinkit was because she thought I was too young to be a proper mother - I was 19 an dshe had me when she was 45 so these days I can see a bit more than then- My mother was also bipolar and it was always her way or the highway - When I began to see that I had power it stopped being such a huge issue but I hated that she favoured my daughter over my son.

We have that issue with my mother in law. She tries to sneak in religious things with my son. We've had to limit her alone time.

It looks like they have difficulties respecting boundaries. If it bothers you to the point where you think you should do something about it I suspect having a discussion and expressing how you are feeling about it is a good start. Unfortunately their reaction may not be the one you expected but it's difficult to know unless you try.

I'd be pissed as hell but would just point out to the grand parents they over stepped the mark, it wasn't their call. If they don't like it then tough. I have friends where a grand parent assumed way too much and a frank conversation about boundaries was had. It involved a lot of harruping by the grand parent but if you don't where does it stop?

I had some conflicts with my own parents when my oldest was about that age. I put my foot down at the first sign. Feelings were hurt, and my parents were upset for a month or so, but they loved their grandchildren and decided that they'd rather live with my conditions than not have them stay over.

ADDED: At least, the hair will grow back, the child will probably forget about it, and you can reestablish the ground rules for overnight visits.