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“Closet” Agnostic/Atheist.

I am in the closet so to speak with those closest to me. They’re all Christians as I used to be, and though they’ve probably an inkling to my unbelief, they’re not aware of the totality of it. Every time I bring it up they don’t want to talk about it because it makes them sad to see I no longer hold to what I used to so firmly. It can be frustrating to have to not be fully open with what I believe.

I’m glad to have found this app.

HareDarwin 4 July 23
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23 comments

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6

Well, I am sure that there are other things in life that you get frustrated about too. So how do you handle those? Why do you feel a need to discuss it? Just leave it alone and it will be fine. You don't need to shout it from the roof top. Live your life by example and perhaps some of them will want to follow you.

6

You are under no moral obligation to share your unbelief with anyone. It need be no more than your own private mater, and there is no need to feel you are being dishonest in any way by not telling people about it.

Most of the people in most of the churches, probably do not believe, but they are not in many cases being honest with the one person who they do have an obligation to tell, which is themselves, you are over that. If religion is not true, then there is no personal harm in going through the motions, a none existent god is not going to look into your heart and punish you for your lack of faith, only a real one could do that, and no one else has that right to play god by asking you what is in your heart.

I find it interesting you think most people in most churches are non-believers. What makes you think that?

@JeffMurray I'll chime in: most people are agnostic, for the simple reason there is no evidence to support either a theist or an atheistic belief system, and that includes most people who go to church.

@JeffMurray What storm1752 and Larry-new said, although I have to admit that I have no idea what goes on inside the brains, or lack there of, of church goers. It was just a wild guess for the sake of the metaphor, but I would not be amazed to find its true.

@Fernapple I know it's an impossibly small sample size and completely anecdotal, but I'm thoroughly convinced the religious people I know personally for sure believe in god. You'll find plenty of them that don't believe in this teaching or that "rule", but when it comes to whether or not a supreme being exists, they are 100% certain one does. I mean, if they didn't, I could see lying to the other believers in their lives, but why lie to the heathen that's already excommunicated himself?

@Storm1752
Most people should be agnostic regardless of their belief system because they can't know they're right, but they aren't. They believe you are wrong and that they absolutely have PROOF (in their minds) that god exists. You are just the poor blind atheist that can't see because you've closed your heart to god. Anyway, I didn't ask about agnosticism, I wanted to know why he thought most people in most churches were atheist.

@JeffMurray Oh I would not say they have lied to me, I live in the UK and have little contact with Christians, it is in part just an assumption based on hearing old stats about how many priests are secretly atheists etc.

Although the couple I have spoken with admitted that they did not literally believe, but were only culturally attached. Many of the so called culturally attached show the most appalling double standards however, and see no problem with supporting a system which does support literal belief, even though they are not part of that themselves. A case of not caring what it does to the minds of others, as long as I can enjoy my hour of entertainment on a Sunday.

@Fernapple I have A LOT of contact with them. Everyone in my family except my sister and one cousin is Christian. Almost everyone I work with is religious. I do not have the slightest inkling any of them are not actually believers.

As for the priests, I think that makes sense. There's financial benefit in it for them, so naturally you'll have a higher percentage of them that are non-believers than people who are paying to be there.

@JeffMurray It may be a trans-Atlantic thing as well. Our Christian culture here is quite different from that of the US.

5

I never bring it up. What's the point?
Never bring up politics either.
The fact I stopped drinking years ago certainly helps!

I have failed miserably on the politics part.

@itsmedammit Same dead end. Talking about the weather usually works.
Or sports.

4

Right there with you. Not fully out. Evangelical family and friends. They're all getting a clue, talk by talk, as I honestly express views not based on Christian teachings. I decided to handle things in this gradual way.

4

Congratulations on breaking free of religious dogma!

The important thing is that you are a free thinker.

What your friends make of it is their problem, not yours.

Anyone who does not accept you as you are is not a true friend. IMHO

4

If this is a relatively new found knowledge...I would not take on all my family and friends at once. Allow, yourself to be who you are in your own mind, until it does not matter what others thinks or believes. It will be less of a battle when you must claim your freedom from religion and a god, to those around you, when the subject is brought up. We are not against others, but are in support of ourselves.

You always manage to say things in the most useful ways.

4

Live your life, so long as you're not being forced into anything you have no need to tell anyone anything you believe. I don't bother telling fools that I believe they're fools. Well... mostly I don't 😄

3

Unless the family is very active in their church and expect you to participate,how much need is there to actually discuss your non belief? Let them have their inklings and just live your life.

3

You are far more than the sum total of everyone's thoughts, opinions, and ideas about you.

You are your own person, live free and be happy.

3

How about ifyou just talk about other things?

  1. NONE of anybody's business what your OR their beliefs are
  2. Boooorrriiinnggg!
3

Do what you feel comfortable with...if you can live with this situation that’s fine, but if it becomes an imperative that you openly wish to state to your family you no longer believe, then you must do so. You cannot place the happiness of your family above your own, if they love you they should be able to understand that.

2

First, be safe.
Second prepare for them nagging at you.

1

Welcome. I hope as time goes on you find the strength and confidence to be open around them.

1

I simply ignored my family and went online. I now have an atheist YouTube channel to help those like us.

1

I was never in the closet. I made no bones about the fact I was and am Atheist. If they can't accept that you are you don't need them in your life. I learned a long time go flush toxic people down my life's toilet.

redhog Level 7 July 23, 2020
1

Back when I was pretending to be one of them, my attitude was that my personal beliefs are "none of your damn business". I retain that same attitude now. The only time it would come up is if one of them tries to push me into a corner. Then I come back with my claws out.

1

Welcome. 🤗

1
  1. Welcome.
  2. Don't bring it up.
  3. If they are close to you they will figure it out eventually.
  4. You're not in a closet, you are open and free and have returned to reason, the natural state of all human beings who are all, without exception, born free of any brainwashing.
    Relax and live the best life you can live.
0

Sometimes you have to tread your own path. It takes to go against the "herd". Congratulations. Please don't regret, move forward and embrace a future which is rooted in reality, but still loves fiction 🙂

Pompey Level 6 July 24, 2020
0

I encourage you to be hope about it, unless they are aggressive and angry. Then it might be better to stay closeted.

SKH78 Level 8 July 24, 2020
0

You and me both. I have not come out to my family and I'm afraid to. I always went along with them to our Ceremonies out of respect for my grandmother and mother. That probably explains the headaches I always had? I agree this site is awesome!

0

I'm an activist, so many things get talked about. I do not debate people. Facts are enough. It is not logical that a perfect god decided we would all get here through incest and this would also be why we need him. Also, if Job got back his wife and children in the end it would appear they were resurrected way before Jesus. The perfect book of the perfect god is a fraud.

Politics gets equally as bad. Know something about that man and what he says to see exactly where he is taking you. I have help. I read books. Some of them written way before our current regime. It also helps politically to realize who is in office and who is not before you start the distraction.

0

Welcome. We talk about religion and politics here. We can talk any Godshit here.

We are not an app yet, still just a static blog/website.

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