Try giving to a homeless shelter, they may need it in the near future.

Is a donation for the deceased a thing in america? Not something we do in aussie other than perhaps pour a beer over the grave for a mate.

I too, am a crier and should avoid public memorials. I would suggest writing a letter of condolence, mentioning an event or particular reason why this person will be missed. As for the charity, in my community St. Vincent de Paul feeds, clothes and furnishes anyone in need, they do not have to be Roman Catholic, and would assume it's the same everywhere. You might want to check this out. Otherwise a donation to the hospice or hospital where your cousin died would be appropriate.

You, in no way, are under any obligation to honor your cousin's request, especially if it goes against your most basic moral and ethical standards.

I think a donation to a non-religious group in her name, such as Save the Children or Doctors Without Borders.
Some people might be offended. So be it. I think you must follow what your conscience dictated.

A small donation to a cancer society should work. If relatives see this and take you to task simply say that maybe you misunderstood. No big deal, and the donation cannot be taken back or re-done.

She ( your cousin) will never know. Is your trouble with the relatives? As long as your donation goes to help other Human beings in trouble that cannot religiously be objected to.Confront them if it is not going to do you out of any inheritance.

Also, I will say that donating to charity of your choice in your relative's name as suggested by many is also not something I would do. That's not right for the same reason asking you to donate to a Christian cause isn't right. Something is not a gift if it's for yourself instead of the person you're giving it to. My super right-wing Christian uncle used to buy my siblings and me a year subscription to the NRA for our birthdays every year. We told him to knock it off. That's an anti-gift. Not only is he not getting us something we'd want, but money was going into the coffers of an organization we despised because of us (and there's a record of us being NRA members for years).

Who's going to know if you don't donate anything?

Consider that a funeral is for the living to celebrate or pay homage to the dead. And you attend, or not, for your own reason. Not to help anyone else...and if you are a "crier" of course it helps someone, "you" crying helps the griever. And the donation is a request, not an obligation. And of course all this is just my opinion....I will not attend my own funeral, except, maybe in someone else's mind.

I think St. Vincent DePaul does good charitable work and since it was meaningful to her, I would not have a problem donating to them. I think of them more as a charity than part of a religion. It is more about providing some sort of gesture of love to the family. Having said that, there are some religious organizations I probably would have difficulty giving to.

No need to attend the service. You can express your condolences another way.

Why donate at all? Is it important that you take some public action for the sake of the family?

Donate for something you care about. Lots of love. ❤❤❤❤

I am sorry for your loss. I would not make that donation. Maybe you might make a donation to a cause you care about or do something else for your cousin's memory.

You are thinking of yourself but should be thinking of your cousin and honor her request

Ohferpetessake... if you do not donate people will assume your are a cheap, uncaring M-F. Honor her wishes as you honored her in life.

Sorry to hear about your cousin.

Go ahead and do it out of respect for your cousin's wishes. I've donated in memory of someone who passed to outfits like the Carmelite nuns, whose sole purpose is to created altar vestments for priests. I personally think it's ridiculous, but the individual, and more importantly his family, asked for the donation. So I made it in his honor. It's only money, can't take it with you, if it can provide comfort to the grieving that's really all you need to know.

I wouldn't contribute to anything I wasn't inclined to contribute to even for a beloved dead relative.
I'd pay my respects and that would be enough.
I'd cry too if so inclined.
I bet if you do that no one will question your donations, unless you run for office.

No obligation...these donation suggestions are typically meant in lieu of flowers, if you were so inclined...

I say make them some food or buy them a nice bottle. Definitely don't donate to an organization that goes against everything you believe in out of guilt. (Imagine what your religious relatives would do if you asked them to donate to an atheist or Satanist cause.)

What Marionville said

Donate to a charity of your choice was there something else she was interested in a musical society, animal welfare, we asked people to donate to Jelly Drops for my father instead of flowers, as he had cognitive decline and did not drink enough. A man in England was starting out a company to help get fluid into elderly people (a lolly looking object that was 99% water), it was up to people if they did. I never inquired. As to the funeral that is up to you I find wakes tend to be more lighthearted stories of the person but again it is your call as to how you feel about it.

Don't do it. Donate to something else and stick to it.

just donate too a org or to the church it helps someone does it matter who

I am in the camp of "donate to the charity of your choice."