In the last year I haven't found a lot to comment on or post about. I found that with the pandemic and all; I was otherwise occupied. I have still been checking in most days, almost as part of my daily routines as anything else. I have managed to add a few new photos to my profile and recently made a minor change to my profile because of a major difference in my life. I'm posting this to help me heal, I have experienced a lot of sympathy and maybe even some empathy in the last month plus.

In December my son and I were doing our post dinner exercise in the neighborhood; he on his bike and I walking. He got a couple blocks ahead as usual and about two blocks in to my walk, I was called by a neighbor telling me that my son was in an accident. I Bolted to the site which by then was only a block away. I arrived to find my son unresponsive and on the side of the road with a bystander performing CPR; my son had been struck by a vehicle. What I was now witnessing was a nightmare as a very involved and attached parent, but my brain took over and put me in crisis management mode. I took in data to allow my brain to process everything, assisted with compressions as the first office arrived on scene, cut open his shirt to aid in the placement of AED pads, and assisted until asked to step back from the scene. I knew that he was gone, but its human nature to try and save the life; its the parents nature to try and keep that life going beyond your own that kept me hoping it was temporary. With in 45 minutes of leaving our house, the ER doctor called TOD and I returned home hours later with my son in the hands of the Coroner.

My neighborhood/community provided much comfort, the following Saturday the local Kiwanis Club arranged luminaries through out the community, his school set up a memorial display with his desk at the school, my town council approved a memorial bench to be placed at my son's school, and I was totally amazed to learn how loved my son really was. This young man didn't think he had friends, but was wrong, he had so many who appreciated him for his humorous antics more so than the less social ones. His friends and the community were surprised to learn that my son in his 10 years had lived/done/seen more in his lifetime than some 5 times his age. He will be recognized by the local Boys & Girls club for being the first kid to think about the staff by bringing in donuts for them during the summer. A national pizza franchise did a fund raiser in his name for the same Boys & Girls club.

I dealt a lot with people of faith, got pulled into at least one prayer circle (my best friend snickered at this) but changed the focus from me to the driver, and dealt with my son's mom (a lapsed catholic) wanting last rights for our Atheist son. I became counselor to some of my friends and acquaintances unable to grasp the news. I was and am still spoken of as being somewhat stoic and composed. The thing here is that as a Logical reasonable person I know that death is a part of humanity, so I am able to accept it. This in no way keeps me from going through the mourning process, in fact writing this is helping through it. I also know that most people, least in my community, often need their mass delusions to allow them to process. So it doesn't offend me when they offer their platitudes, my mind simply translates those words to we care and hope the best.

His Celebration of life was just that, all kinds of people coming through expressing their condolences, seeing the life he lived in pictures and other displays, and some staying for the private ceremony to say a few memories of him. All of this making me feel like such a proud father, to know that I was essential to him becoming the persona that people will always remember.

We take ourselves to seriously if we reject the best intentions of someone offering sincere and earnest platitudes for a loss or other reason. Getting mad at someone because the expressed their concern isn't going bring my son back, but may tarnish their memory of him. Kindly letting them know though is a different matter, to be discussed at another time, but should be considered.

My life is changing day by day, I still haven't been able to address closing up his personal affairs, because the state's Death certificate registry is janked and backed up because the picked a fine time to implement a new system. I'm trying to stay focused on living life, but between covid and others returning to their own lives its a hard time.

Thanks for taking the time to read this.