How do you deal with family members or others you live with who seem to obsess over every little thing?
Right now I don't have much choice; because of health and financial limitations I'm living with my parents. Only my mother's anxiety levels are through the roof, and my dad isn't much better... Believe me, I'm very grateful they can help me out, but their worry levels are ridiculous... I'm trying to see this as a learning opportunity, because I'm seeing how much I picked up this growing up, how much impact it's had on my life, and how much I don't do it anymore... But I can't help but get triggered, and it's all I can do to maintain my boundaries sometimes, especially when I'm feeling more vulnerable.
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Ok. Another suggestion is to learn meditation. Mindfulness is one form. You will retrain your brain and a will you will be able to just tune them out. I can now just focus on something & tune out the irritation. I do need more practice but I get better all the time. Their obsessions are their problem & you can do nothing to change them. They are the only ones who can change themselves. Good luck. Do some reaserch. Even seek a counselor to help you in this endeavor. There are classes on meditation. But you can train yourself. A lot of information is available online. I wish you good luck.
Mooolah
Level 8
May 30, 2018
3
Thanks. Yes, I meditate. Otherwise I'd probably be in a lot worse shape!
In a strange way I envy you as I lost my parents years ago the my kid sister as well as my loving uncle... I miss them terribly.
Millerski25
Level 6
May 30, 2018
2
me too. MY sister lives on the east coast. my parents are long gone I miss them terribly especially my mom. I miss having family like we did when i was a kid. always something going on..now nothing
I've gotten used to it after so long. It bothers me sometimes, but for the most part I am laid back and can deal with it. My personality is like my father's was. Laid back, likes to joke, patient, but don't piss me off. My mother is a worrier, obsessive, complainer, and likes to be in control to the point where she wants people to "obey" her directions on what to do. She knows by now that I am my own person and stubborn and will not be bossed around though. She doesn't mean to be that way. It's just how she is. I have to remember that so I don't get too upset. It's still annoying though lol
Piece2YourPuzzle
Level 8
May 30, 2018
2
people like that have a lot of fear
Yes, that's my mother, too.
My mother was a paper tiger
@squiggy_70, @bleurowz Yeah, I just have to think about what she's going through in her own head to be like that. It helps me to not react too harshly. She's a good person, but obviously has some demons.
@Piece2YourPuzzle yup that's it. it isn't you it is their stuff.
When an adult children needs to return home it can be so trying because it can cause a return to roles you may have dealt with but can excoriate some old wounds, it can place in an unintentional regressed state or brought up unfinished business. Even in a relatively loving home we all have some unresolved issues.. for me briefly an emotional twilight zone but I refused and expressed that I’m now an adult and expected to be treated accordingly. Besides they may not have understood such unconscious or subconscious past events.
Millerski25
Level 6
May 30, 2018
2
i never had a kid i wish I had I long to nurture some one like that. when they grow up and no longer look at you as their mommy it must be so hard. in other cultures people always live together different generation. and they are better for it
@squiggy_70 your on to something we are my son and l are Eurasian but the further east, particularly East Asia families of generations remain together longer or on and on and the are great benefits Occidentals may not understand or have a similar experience, rather positively
@Millerski25 Well put. I think that'a what's been happening. My mother will even defend herself by saying, "well, I'm a mom" -- okay, but I'm not a child. And I have to remember not to go back to being one.
@bleurowz you will always be her baby so let her have that. I'm not saying let her control you life . I'm just saying...
I'm sorry to hear of your situation. That would drive me crazy.
bigpawbullets
Level 9
May 30, 2018
2
If you can see a dr and they can give you coping aid. It really works and they make for particular problems so it will work.. If this isn't possible when she is calm and just say mom I need to speak with you. The dr recommended that I do this so I won't get on your nerves.This works and you can set up warning words which makes it kind of funny. Mine was your getting my bam boozle up. My mothers was your steaming me. Silly it may be but it worked. Same thing with Dad.
Marine
Level 8
May 30, 2018
1
My father would say, oh I was so worried about you. bs- it's a form of control
springlover
Level 7
May 30, 2018
2
Kindness “”””” can be a form of control and that can lead to other issues particularly with men who are often in the controller role which isn’t based so much on love but rather the deep insecurity of controlling men who can be deeply threatened
Xanax & let them obsess. Helps me tune out the madness which my brain won't permit me to do on its own. Better living thru chemicals.
Mooolah
Level 8
May 30, 2018
5
but society take such a dim view of it all
@squiggy_70 a dim view of medical treatment that can help you? Not my kind of society. & why does anyone but you & your doctor have to know? You don't owe society an answer for your well being.
@Morganfreeman for some maybe. But how does one know if one doesn't try alternatives to enduring pain. Too many suicides from folks not getting help.
Good god, not Xanax. I worked in the field for 25 years and Xanax withdrawal is worse than heroin, worse than anything.
@GuyKeith I am not suggesting addiction. But when anxiety takes hold, 1/4 of a tab smoothes me out. I can then handle the world without the fight or flight response taking over.. I do not suggest taking it as directed. Only in situations that seem to overwhelm. Respect your concerns for withdrawal. Withdrawal has to be incremental for those addicted. It is not meant for daily use IMO
Country woman I admire your honesty... you’re a woman after my own heart
@Millerski25 Nice of you to let me know.
@Countrywoman medicare knows. then they give your doctor shit then he gives me shit.
@squiggy_70 Different doctor maybe.
@GuyKeith good point
@Countrywoman I do the Xanax, but like you mentioned only if I really need it. It's my "in-case-of-an-emergency-break-glass" medicine. Thankfully hasn't gotten to that point yet with the folks!
@bleurowz Take the smallest amount that works. I take a pinch when I have to go out in traffic. The instructions say 2 tabs a day.. Now that would really make me crazy. The tabs are 0,25 miligrams. I take 1/4 of a tab on occasions where the stress will cause anxiety. Once every 6months or so. I control my drugs. They do not control me. Doctors prescribe so they get benefits from big Pharma. You are in control of your health. Good luck & peace.
@bleurowz you don’t owe an explanation as people do what they need to do to cope at times. I would be so cavalier about psychotherapy or group therapy
Only they can deal with their anxiety levels. There may be ways you can help ask them.
MattHardy
Level 7
May 30, 2018
3
oh don't go down that road. the helping stuff. the road to hell is paved with good intentions. you wind up being blamed for stuff ain't your fault
@squiggy_70 did you make that up... coin it
@Millerski25 i wish no it is a old expression. but I found in my experience to be so true. I am the codependent person. may be that is why I became a nurse. always trying to help people who then bleed you dry and ruin your life . But living alone I am finding hard all the time.. I need someone i wish I had a partner. an easy going one
I have 8 people living in my house to help with expenses. My terminally ill ex-husband of 20 years and I don't really talk to each other-he belongs to,NRA, is a Trumpster and is getting a little senile.I have a nursing assistant come in for him every day. I can understand where you are coming from. Economic times and personal circumstances resulted in families and exes moving in together. It's a win-win situation. He doesn't have to live in a nursing home and I get spending money to travel and can even relocate if I meet someone. Remember its helping you out.
sassygirl3869
Level 9
May 30, 2018
3
@sassygirl3869 Absolutely, I don't diminish my gratitude for their help. Just have a really hard time managing the effects of their anxiety while I'm here.
Leave hone, perhaps ?
VAL3941
Level 8
May 30, 2018
3
That's the plan. Can't manage it yet.
@bleurowz you must know that living alone has its own emotional issues however if also an opportunity to explore your own feelings
@Millerski25
I think the pro's outweight the con's ?
@Millerski25 I've lived alone, so I do know this. It's a matter of health and finances right now that don't make this possible, so I'm working on turning this around.
That would depend on what the anxiety is over some people get that way over stupid little stuff and some with more important things. Is she one of those who will always worry no matter the topic or does she have just reason?
Pk31982
Level 4
May 30, 2018
3
When one has an underlying generalized anxiety d/o as Freud said about anxiety sometimes a cigar is just a cigar
I'd say they're mostly little things but she'd say they're all important.
I don't. Living alone has its advantages.
KKGator
Level 9
May 30, 2018
5
it sure does!!!
except when you have to move furniture
Absolutely, that's my goal. Just can't manage it yet.
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